Things I Want to Remember About Mazzy's Bat Mitzvah Party (Part I)

It’s been almost a year since Mazzy’s Bat Mitzvah, but now that I have a little distance from it, plus I have some professional photos to share (taken by Dave Robbins), I wanted to put a few more things in writing before I forget them. If you need to catch up, I wrote an explainer about the planning process, I wrote another post about Mazzy’s Bat Mitzvah service (that’s the important part where Mazzy reads from the torah) and posted the Bat Mitzvah Montage that took over my life in the months leading up to the big day. Today, I want to talk about the one thing I haven’t touched on yet— THE ACTUAL PARTY.

Before I start, I want to say that the party was absolutely incredible. Better than I ever could have imagined. And best of all, it felt so Mazzy. Not just Mazzy, but US. Colorful, fun, whimsical… with just the right amount of fanciness. Big and bold without being obnoxious or over the top. My party planner Shari from Socialize It did an absolutely amazing job with all the details and bringing together a team of people that truly knocked it out of the park. Mazzy was thrilled with how everything turned out, the guests all had a fabulous time and I could not have left that party happier.

That all being said, I learned a lot from throwing my first Bat Mitzvah so I want to give you guys all the lessons. The things I wouldn’t change, as well as the things I will do differently when I plan Harlow’s. I’m gonna break it up into parts, starting with the thing that was the hardest. At least for me.

Being Present in the Moment

For the first time in 13 years, I decided to put my phone away and leave the documenting to the professionals. Besides the lovely idea of “being present in the moment,” I also didn’t want to have my phone in front of my face in every photo. It was not easy. I wish I could say I was completely satisfied with that decision, but there were so many moments at the party when I thought, I wish I had my camera! And then when I looked through the professional photos, I was looking for those moments, but then realized that the professional photographer wasn’t following me around, he was following mostly Mazzy. So those moments really only exist from my perspective. There are so many photos the photographer took that perfectly capture the spirit of the party, including moments I didn’t see that were amazing surprises, but there were also a few important memories, like how it felt to walk up to the roof for the first time and Mike’s face as he hammed it up on the chair during the horah, that just will have to live in my mind.

Day VS Night

If you read my Bat Mitzvah explainer, I stressed a lot over whether to have a day vs a night party. Our venue books for the entire day so there was no price difference. I loved the idea of a night party because it felt more grown-up for a bunch of 13yos, but since the service was early in the morning, that made logistics difficult for people who didn’t live in the city. We decided that a daytime party immediately following the service was the way to go, but in the weeks leading up to the big day, I worried that we had made the wrong decision. Would the party be cool enough for Mazzy and her friends when it wasn’t aided by the cover of darkness??? The week before, I made the executive decision to shut the shades and add dance floor lighting to our entertainment budget so it could feel more club-like at 3pm.

Ultimately, it all worked out great. Any fear about our party not feeling festive or cool enough was a non-issue. Everyone was on the dance floor, partying like it was 1999, even though it was the middle of the afternoon. I think the daylight made for nicer pics too. And I liked that we could change the atmosphere by shutting the shades, so the party had a surge of momentum midway.

The one drawback is that we did not have enough time for family photos between the service and the party. They were supposed to be taken in the party space, between the kiddush and the cocktail hour, but by the time we all got changed from our temple outfits (which was super challenging and involved lots of screaming and sweat in a tiny back office), everyone was already at the cocktail party upstairs and Mazzy just wanted to get up there to be with her friends. I couldn’t blame her. I feel like you can tell by all our faces in the pre-party photos that we are a bit stressed. We fit in a few photos of just the four of us, but we had to nix the extended family photos, because we didn’t want her to miss her cocktail hour, which was a little upsetting for the grandparents. If we had the night party, we would have had tons of time to get ready, relax and take pics before everyone got there.

The Decor, and specifically “The Balloon Mass”

As opposed to using a fully decorated all-inclusive venue where all your decor options are just add-ons, we opted to use Midtown Loft, which is a raw space where you have to bring everything in. The tables, the chairs, the lighting, everything. This allows you to create a more unique party, but it definitely adds a lot of stress around the unknowns. From the beginning of the planning process, I knew I wanted a huge bunch of balloons above the dance floor. I had seen something similar when looking for inspiration and thought it was the most cost effective way to make a big bold colorful impact in a raw space. You guys know how much the Wiles family loves color! Although the first time Mike saw “ceiling sculpture” on our invoice, he almost had a heart attack. I had to make some calls and realized it was just a fancy word for the balloons. After that, we started calling it “the mass.” It sounded cheaper. Ha.

Mazzy wanted her color scheme to be pink and yellow but I was worried those colors would look a little baby shower-ish (especially at a daytime party in a white space), so I wanted to spice things up with contrasting colors in the balloons. Then, after seeing some initial options, I got worried the colors were too primary and it would look like Sesame Street. Shaina from @balloonartistry ended up sending me 20 balloons so I could select the exact colors I wanted and then I grouped them to show which colors should be more prominent and which ones should be sparser. We had balloons all over our apartment as I made what I considered “very important decisions” and the rest of my family thought I was crazy.

Next I got worried the mass would be too small and not as impactful as I imagined. Shaina assured me it would be just the right amount of balloons. The party set-up was while we were at the service, so like a crazy person, I had Leah go early to see how it looked, so she could prepare me if it had gone wrong or was underwhelming.

She texted, “Balloon lady came through.” And…OH MY GOD SHE DID. The balloons were PERFECT and made the party. Thank you, Shaina!

The Squishmallow Carnival Theme

It was really hard landing on a theme for Mazzy’s Bat Mitzvah. Or even a color scheme initially. So I would just constantly throw out ideas until she looked semi excited about something. We finally agreed on a carnival theme (Mazzy loves carnivals!), but we didn’t want it to look like a circus. Most photos when we searched carnival parties were red and white with stripes. Mazzy wanted more pinks and pastels. Finally I saw a photo spread from a toddler’s birthday party that looked more like a small outdoor Parisian carnival theme than an American circus. Think pink and turquoise stripes as opposed to red and white. We showed everyone those photos for reference.

Then Shari (that’s my party planner) told me that I needed to buy prizes for the dance floor. At first, I didn’t think these were that important, because why do the kids need prizes? We are already buying them all custom sweatshirts for their gift bags. But then Shari explained that you need the prizes to keep the kids excited and on the dance floor, which guarantees a good party. I understood. I had been to a Bar Mitzvah a few years ago where all the kids sat on couches the whole time looking at their phones. It was awful. So, we got prizes— headphones, Starbucks gift cards, sneaker slippers, cordless speakers, candy tubes, etc. And while I was shopping for prizes, it occurred to me that the perfect prize at Mazzy’s Bat Mitzvah would be Squishmallows. And if we put them as prizes at the carnival games instead of dance floor prizes, it could act as decor and really solidify “carnival” as the perfect Bat Mitzvah theme for Mazzy.

FYI, I bought a ton more Squishmallows than you can see in this photo, including a bunch of jumbo ones, so we had enough for everyone to go home with.

Mazzy’s reaction

One thing I will never forget is the moment Mazzy walked in and saw the room for the first time. I think she was expecting something much dinkier and got really excited to see the scope of everything we had planned. Also, she had toured the space, but since it was just a white room, I think it really shocked her what our party planner had done with it. Especially since she saw it while a carpet convention was taking place, which aesthetically, was the absolute worst way to see it. It made me question our choice of venue honestly. But once we both saw it all decked out in our design choices, it was amazing. Mazzy kept saying, “Oh that looks so good!” And ‘That’s really cool, mom!” And “oh my god, who thought of the popcorn seating cards??? That’s such a good idea!” Ahem, I did. Well, I mean, it was my idea to copy the person who posted a similar idea on Pinterest.

Cocktail Hour Perfection

Our cocktail hour was on the rooftop a floor above, so anyone who arrived was sent straight to the roof. The rooftop space is glass enclosed but can be kept open depending on the weather. When we booked the venue a year prior, we assumed that November meant a closed roof, but much to our delight, November 5th, 2022 was a picture perfect 73º day, so we could keep it open and everyone could mingle jackets off.

By the time I got up there, the cocktail hour was already in full swing and I will never forget the feeling of stepping onto the balcony, feeling the warm breeze and seeing Harlow and Mazzy in their pastel party dresses playing air hockey with the Empire State Building as their backdrop. It was a NYC DREAM!!!! I didn’t have my camera and I remember thinking that I had to go back and reenter to shoot it. But that never happened. I got caught up in the moment. Days later, I found this photo on Leah’s phone, and it’s the only picture I’ve seen that comes close:

The cocktail hour was pure magic. Excellent passed hors d’oeuvres. Cocktails and mocktails for the kids. A magician circling. And all of my favorite people gathered in one place. That weather on a rooftop in NYC felt like we had been given the best Bat Mitzvah gift ever. Finding the videos on Leah’s phone that perfectly captured the feeling was icing on the cake. You can see a video of the cocktail hour here.

Entrance Songs

After the cocktail party was over, everyone went downstairs to the main party and then the next thing that happens is THE BIG ENTRANCE, which is typically done to quite a bit of fanfare. You might remember this from the pivotal moments in “You are So Not Going to My Bat Mitzvah.” We did not have nearly as grand an entrance planned. Just everyone gathering on the dance floor and the DJ announcing our names. First Mike and me, then Harlow, and then Mazzy. You are supposed to pick a song for each person, but we struggled with this one. For one thing, Mazzy did not want to do the entrance at all and refused to select a song, I think because selecting a song to represent the entirety of your being to all your family and friends is a pretty tall task and I honestly couldn’t blame her. I wasn’t sure what to pick for us either. I ended up just telling the DJ to play whatever he thought was appropriate. Then right as they announced Mike and me, they started playing Glory Days. I was like, “Seriously?? Who the hell would pick THIS????” And Mike said, “I picked it.” Whelp, if Mike is the one who felt strongly about a song choice, I guess I am cool with that.

Harlow’s song was “Who Run the World (Girls)” which was perfect. She danced into the room in full Harlow mode, which could have gone another way, so I was very proud of her. Mazzy’s song ended up being “Kill the Lights” which was very appropriate beat-wise but somewhat inappropriate lyrics-wise, but I guess that’s what we get for not making a choice. Everyone was chanting “Mazzy, Mazzy, Mazzy…” so you couldn’t really hear the lyrics anyway.

Substack is telling me that I have reached my limit for photos, so this will have to be Part One! Good news is, I have the rest of the post already written so I’ll post Part Two tomorrow!