Mazzy is Officially an Adult!

Before we get to the photo booth, the dance party, and the swag...we need to talk about what it felt like to watch Mazzy up there reading the Torah.

Before we dive into the Bat Mitzvah, I want to give a quick shout-out to a holiday gift guide I did in partnership with MoMA Design Store over on Mommy Shorts. I'm still a little in shock that MoMA Design Store is a fan of mine, but apparently, they love my regular holiday gift guide so much (don’t worry, that’s still coming!), they asked if I could put together something similar using items exclusively from their store. I'm calling it the “Anti-Beige Gift Guide” and it includes items for all ages, at all different price points. Go check it out and use the code MOMMYSHORTS10 for 10% off most items through November 13th!

Mazzy’s Bat Mitzvah was this past Saturday and I am still processing. The party was amazing (you can see a few sneak peeks here), we all had a blast (especially Mazzy) and I have so much more to say about it. But before I get to the party (in a totally separate post), I want to write about the most important part, the reason we were all celebrating, the event without which there would no photo booth, cotton candy or Mazzy swag— the two hour Bat Mitzvah service at our temple that happened promptly at 9:30am.

First, you should know that our temple attire and our party attire was all different, with the exception of Mike. Mazzy wore a simple sage chiffon mini dress with a smocked front and peasant sleeves. I deemed it too casual when she first picked it out, but she insisted, I decided not to fight it, and she was right— it was perfect. Especially when she paired it with gold heels (her first time ever wearing heels!), a tiny diamond Star of David necklace gifted by Grammy and Sammy, and her Grandpa Harold’s tallis (Mike’s dad) so his memory would be with us for this special day.

Secondly, you need to know that this entire year, while Mazzy practiced her torah portion and haftorah with the cantor, she never practiced in front of us. She is always very independent with her work and insisted on doing it behind closed doors. That is until about two weeks prior, when I forced her to do it in front of me. She didn’t want to do it, so she sang timidly and stumbled a bit. The only other time I heard her was at the rehearsal the Tuesday before the big day. It was at this point that she was presented with reading her torah portion from the actual torah and saw it without the vowels for the first time. The rabbi told her she was not allowed to bring up her own notes to help her through it. She struggled with that too and I got the feeling the rabbi was worried, but Mike said I was being ridiculous.

Then, I’m not sure what happened on the day, or whether she practiced her ass off in secret, but she strode up to bimah (aka the stage) with confidence, took her place next to the rabbi with pride and delivered everything she was supposed to say and do like this was not her first time singing Hebrew in front of a large crowd.

At every Bat Mitzvah I have ever been to, the rabbi stands near or next to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah kid so they can be there for prompts if necessary. In fact, in most Mitzvah services I’ve been to, there is at least one stumble or pause at some point that the rabbi helps them through, and it’s not a big deal. It was with that knowledge that I felt Mazzy would be okay up there. And then, right as Mazzy started singing her haftorah, which was a full 10-12 minutes of solid Hebrew, the rabbi and cantor both left the the stage (aka the bimah). The cantor went to sit in the audience and the rabbi went all the way to the back corner of the sanctuary and sat down. The only person left up there with her was our cousin Adam who was tasked with holding the torah. I can assure you, Adam would not have been much help if Mazzy needed prompting.

But Mazzy did not stumble and she did not need any prompting. SHE CRUSHED IT. All by herself. With the light streaming down from the second story windows landing directly on her head like a blessing from God himself.

I know this might not come as a surprise to any of you, but you guys only see what I want you to see and you do not necessarily know the number of doubts that go through my mind on a regular basis. I think the best way for me to express my feelings is by sharing the speech I gave after the service at her party. When I wrote it, I had a brief moment when I thought— but what if she really messes up? Should I have an alternative speech? But I fought my own feelings of self doubt, trusted Mazzy’s confidence and went in with just one speech folded up in my purse.

Here goes…

A few weeks ago, Mazzy and I attended services on a Saturday morning. It was a Bat Mitzvah service for a girl we did not know and we went intentionally to get a feel for how Mazzy’s service might go. The Bat Mitzvah girl was very impressive. She sang her torah portions clearly and gave a great speech. Not just her; her whole family sang their own torah portions. I left that service feeling a little intimidated. Was our family ready for this? On the way out, I said to Mazzy, “What did you think?” She looked at me with that casual easy-going nature of hers and said with a shrug, “That seemed way less scary than I thought it would be.” Mazzy has always been very private with her Bat Mitzvah studies, so at the time, she had only practiced behind closed doors and I was a little in the dark about how well she knew her stuff. “You think by November 5th, you’ll be able to sing all that Hebrew?” I asked her. Mazzy smirked. “Yeah, I already know all of it.” Then she turned it back on me like she always does. “Will YOU be able to sing YOUR Hebrew part?”

This is the thing about Mazzy. Because in so many ways I see similarities between us— our creativity, our desire to be a good friend, our ability to predict the ending of TV shows… but this is the area where we are so different— confidence. Mazzy has never been afraid of anything and always approaches new challenges with the attitude that she already knows how to do it.  

We saw this confidence from the very first day of preschool. While all the other kids were clinging to their parents, Mazzy walked right into the classroom, strode up to an easel and started painting without looking back. We were the first parents who were told that we could leave and it was a little hard to realize that at 18 months, our child no longer needed us… but we were also impressed by her level of independence. It’s been the same ever since. From new classrooms to ski school to sleepaway camp, Mazzy always goes in with confidence and excitement, knowing that she will figure things out, find her footing and meet her people. Without looking back. Literally, I have video of her getting on the bus to sleepaway camp for five weeks and not even giving us a glance over her shoulder.

Over the years, we’ve learned that this confidence comes from having a positive outlook and a strong sense of self. Mazzy does not follow the crowd or try to fit in. Instead, she gravitates towards people who treat each other with openness, interest and kindness. I particularly love that when she went away to camp, on her own, and had a great time, she came back home, told her friends at school and encouraged them to come with her the following summer. Three friends and her cousin ended up going to camp with her! And you can bet that Mike made sure to get those referral fees. I think when I was kid, I might have been afraid about how one group would fit in with the other, but Mazzy is not like that. At a young age, she knows that the more people she connects, the more chances everyone has to make friends and the more fun there is to be had by all.

This fall has been particularly challenging for us. As most of you know, in addition to preparing for her Bat Mitzvah, we have been faced with the daunting task of applying to high schools in New York City. For the past few months, we have had to schedule all her free time to split it up between homework, bat mitzvah prep, speech writing, studying for entrance exams, high application essays, interviews and more. It is a lot to ask of a soon to be 13-year-old and I have a way of getting myself really stressed out about all the unknown outcomes. But Mazzy is confident, as always. And sometimes, when I am getting particularly crazy about an important essay or an approaching due date, she says, “Mom you have to trust me.” I do trust you Mazzy, and not only that, I respect that you want to do everything by yourself and earn things on your own merit. I also know that you will continue to land on your feet, no fear, like always. Growing up and pushing forward, whether we are ready or not. And if on one of those leaps forward, you happen to look back, I promise you will see two parents beaming with pride for the beautiful, intelligent, self-assured person you have become. If you need us, we are here to help you, guide you and give you advice. If you don’t need that, we just want to be there to share in your glory. Because we know you have so many great wonderful big things ahead.

When I read this speech at Mazzy’s party, directly to her, it was probably the only time during the event where I had her full attention. I hope she heard it and knows I mean it from the bottom of my heart.

The whole day, all I could think about was how proud I am to be Mazzy’s mom. The feeling is overwhelming. But I also know, perhaps more clearly than ever, that who she is and who she is becoming is mostly her own doing.

One last thing. Photos were not permitted in the synagogue on Saturday, so I took none and had no professionals there either. But thankfully, I’ve got friends and family who will break the rules without me even asking.

Say hello to my stepbrothers and their kids on the balcony!

One more shout out for the Anti-Beige Holiday Gift Guide in partnership with MoMA Design Store! Go to check it out on Mommy Shorts and make sure to use discount code MOMMYSHORTS10 for 10% off!