This is a picture of my Grandma Mina and my Grandpa Issak with my Uncle Joe. It was taken in a displaced persons camp in Germany, which is where they lived for four years after the Holocaust. Their parents were killed during the war along with most of their siblings (my grandmother was the only one of six children to survive, my grandfather had 12 siblings with only four surviving) and their town in Poland was completely destroyed, so there was no option to return home. Home was gone. My mother was born in the camp in 1947. It’s weird, when I think of war refugees, I think of people in faraway countries seeking shelter from conflicts I don’t really understand, but once upon a time, that was my mom.
The story of your family needs to be shared repeatedly - without guilt about the "burden" it might place on others. These stories should not hide in the shadows like the survivors did for so long. In regards to the "opposing views in Texas" - I disagree that these folks should not be given the time of day - quite the opposite. These views need to be cut down loudly, swiftly and by the masses. Every single person that thinks it utter nonsense should say so on any forum available to them. When these ideas are left to themselves, they grow and become emboldened. The school official that made this statement should be publicly shamed and never allowed to work in the education system again. Period.
Sharing all of this is what keeps us from forgetting. We should never forget. You’re right. There is no opposing view.
You’re totally correct about generational trauma as well. Your story about your family trying not to stand out is how my family grew up as well. In a small Midwest town, my family and I were the only immigrants for a very long time. I remember my sister and I being the only two Mexicans in our elementary school. The only two people of any other race. All the other students were white. I remember coming home from a conference. I was the translator for my mom because no one else spoke Spanish. The teacher told me to tell my mom I was doing very well, all my scores were above the grade level I was in. At home my mom told me to do well but to not do so well people paid attention. I will probably never forget that. Generational trauma is real. Obviously whatever trauma I went through and my mom is nothing, nothing at all compared to the Holocaust. I just share it to remind you and myself that we should go easy on us when we’re struggling.
The success in the American success stories to me is the ability to reduce that trauma. My hopes that my children will not be scared to fully be themselves and show the world that they are good, kind and brown-that’s my moms gift to me. I hope the same for your children. Less trauma, more unapologetically them. More dancing in busses.
Thank you for writing this and all the emotional work you put in. My heart hurts for your grandparents and everything they endured to survive. There are no “sides” in this, only the truth no matter how horrible the truth is. Thank you for sharing those reading materials. Number the Stars made a huge impact on me as a child.
Also the Body Keeps the Score is a great book about generational trauma.
Ilana thank you so much for sharing this story with us. I hope you see that your children are your ancestors' wildest dreams. Harlow takes up so much space in the world with her joy and random dancing. She has what your ex boyfriends family had. I know I only see your life through what you show us but Harlow and Mazzy are lights in this world and it's because of all your family's hard work.
Oh, Ilana! I grew up in Queens, in Kew Gardens, surrounded by Holocaust survivors, and my heart is breaking with this post. I remember seeing the tattoos on the arms of the wonderful old Jewish ladies, although I never asked what they were until I was much older. They called me Princess, because I was the only girl in the family, I was loved by them, and loved them in return. The fact that there is anyone that would even suggest "alternative opinions" really shows how gravely the dialogue in this country has degraded. I am solidly on the side of teaching that this isn't some alternative reality, but a flesh and blood tragedy that took more than just people, but entire families, villages, and cultures and destroyed them. Shame on anyone that would even suggest otherwise. I hope this is the beginning of a dialog that can open eyes and educate.
I've followed you for years on Instagram and Facebook, but your posts on Apparently have made it clear to me why. What you have written here has put so succinctly why discussions of the Holocaust still need to happen. But you have also made the experience so intimately human. And I think that it was you are so incredibly good at... making our shared, and unshared, experiences personal and accessible. Thank you.
I’ll probably get jumped on for this, but this poor woman is being vilified and her words are being taken out of context. She does believe the holocaust happened. She does not think there should be an opposing view. She was following the ridiculous law that Texas enacted that there must be both sides taught to everything. A teacher wanted to add books about the holocaust to her classroom, she said remember that you have to have the opposing view also per the Texas law.
Is it awful? Yes! But the politicians in Texas need to be held accountable for this stupid law, not the poor woman who was doing her job.
Lastly, I agree that your family’s story needs to be shared. As a historian who specialized in WWII in Europe, I find the more the stories are put out there the more we learn. It also makes
i'm also here in Texas, with kids in elementary and middle. This law is working to further destroy education here. And it has far-reaching effects that we won't fully find out about until these children are grown. With current redistricting plans, these problems and gross laws like this will further damage the future of Texas and Texans. So important to vote, and elect folks who believe in history and science and education and women's rights and rights of BIPOC folks and so many others. I truly worry for my kids here, and don't think it is safe for them.
Thank you, Ilana, for sharing this story - your story. It is so important for everyone to hear what can happen, and the path this state of Texas, and the country, is on if we refuse to acknowledge what humans have done to each other.
I was going to make a similar point. While Southlake has plenty of awful reasons to be in the news as of late (FULL DISCLOSURE: This is my high school. I used to be proud of it but not lately), I feel like this one is easy fodder and easily taken out of context. If you listen to the whole audio, you can hear the resignation in her voice. When she said that particular sentence, the teachers in the training audibly objected and she agreed with them. The superintendent has apologized. HB 3979 is complete trash and is designed to scare teachers into not talking about important issues.
I also FULLY AGREE that every story we can have should be documented and shared. And hopefully everyone's gut reactions to this incident can serve to highlight just HOW AWFUL that law is. "No, of course we didn't mean that!!" Maybe not, but this is the result.
Yes, I agree that this particular teacher is not at fault here. The law is absurd and those lawmakers must be held accountable. I don't think the law was written to address issues like the holocaust; it was written because of current "outrage" over critical race theory allegedly being taught in schools. (It is generally not taught in elementary or secondary school; it's college and post-grad level stuff.) It's the Fox Newsing of American politics. Please understand that I am NOT defending this law -- it's abhorrent. But hopefully, this story of the Holocaust being caught up in this asinine law will highlight the overall absurdity of the law and it will be repealed. But it's Texas, so maybe not.
Thank you for sharing your story. I am the child of Holocaust survivors who immigrated to NYC after the war. I made a film about their story. I have 2 girls now, 7 yrs and 10 yrs. I think its really interesting that the Holocaust hasn't been taught at school at all yet ( in a private NYC school) where they have touched on many other parts of history and discrimination since pre-school in age appropriate ways. We need to share these stories especially as the survivors are slowly dying out. I think a group of Children of Holocaust Survivors parenting group with young children could be a great tool.. Maybe our kids could learn from watching all of us share our stories? Food for thought. Thank you for starting to share, Ilana.
I just read The Forest of Vanishing Stars by Kristin Harmel. It’s a novel, but based on true stories, like your grandparents, about Jewish people surviving in the forests during the war. Really emotional.
Ilana thank you for sharing your families stories. It cannot be easy but sharing your story helps bring a light to why we must never forget the horrors of the Holocaust. I went to Auschwitz and the sheer size of the camp was overwhelming and impossible to comprehend.
I think it any "opposing view" is taught it should be the history of how the Nazi party was elected, gained power and influence, to educate on how the Holocaust happen and emphasize why we must never allow it to happen again. I consider than an opposing view because talking about the Nazis rise to power instead of just the collapse focuses on different aspects of history, both of which are important.
One book that I found very interesting on family trauma was My Grandmother's Hands in case you're ever interested in reading more about it.
Thank you, Ilana, for sharing this powerful piece of writing. This sort of upright honesty and vulnerability about things that matter most show the best of humankind. I will hold Mina, Isaak, and their first child in my heart as long as I live—along with all the others whose names I do not know.
This is such a sad but beautiful post, Ilana. You talked about things that were lost that I've never even thought about. It brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing it.
Thank you for writing this and sharing it. These are stories that need to be spoken about and shared by people who have an audience. My side of our family came to the US before WW II. My husband's grandparents were survivors. They were in a ghetto in Poland and then Auschwitz. His grandparents all died before my children were really old enough to know them although they wouldn't have shared any stories in the same way that yours wouldn't have either. I know my husband's grandmother lost several siblings. Only she and one of her brothers survived. I often think about how life would be so different for all of us Jews if we hadn't lost so many family members and if Europe hadn't become such a scary and hostile place to be a Jew (or many other minorities). We are now far enough out from the Holocaust that all of the last remaining survivors are gone. My kids went to Jewish day school long enough to have learned about it but I still feel like, without hearing the first hand accounts, they don't truly understand. Both my husband and I went on the March of the Living in high school. I hope that my kids will be able to take this trip someday soon so that they can, as closely as possible, walk in the footsteps of our ancestors, even if it is only very briefly and in a symbolic way.
Thank you for sharing your heartbreaking story. I can’t imagine the horror they had to endure. I’ll never forget a lady who came to speak to our class at school who was a holocaust survivor. I remember it was so quiet in the room as she spoke, you could almost hear the lumps in our throats. She had handwritten letters from that time displayed on a table and she was tattooed. She said she was in bed one night and the nazis came in her house and took her family away. Later they would kill her fiancé in front of her and she wasn’t able to have children because they sterilized her. She met a priest in the camp who gave her hope. Years later she ran into him again and he married her and her new fiancé and they were able to adopt a baby girl. She was one of the lucky ones who survived to tell her story.
Ilana thank you for sharing this. I have always known about the holocaust and i am teaching my children about it. We all know about certain famous people from that time and their tragedies, and i also think sharing your family history here is so illustrative of the horrors people endured and survived. The ideas you covered (such as the difference between Jewish families who came to the US before the war vs after, the generational trauma, and how the survivors continued to suffer in the ways you described) are so thought provoking/mind expanding. Thank you so much for sharing your family history and your words, this is so well written. Like another poster, i won't ever forget the story of the first baby and your grandparents, just heartbreaking. May their memory be a blessing. Much love to you and your beautiful family 💗
The story of your family needs to be shared repeatedly - without guilt about the "burden" it might place on others. These stories should not hide in the shadows like the survivors did for so long. In regards to the "opposing views in Texas" - I disagree that these folks should not be given the time of day - quite the opposite. These views need to be cut down loudly, swiftly and by the masses. Every single person that thinks it utter nonsense should say so on any forum available to them. When these ideas are left to themselves, they grow and become emboldened. The school official that made this statement should be publicly shamed and never allowed to work in the education system again. Period.
Sharing all of this is what keeps us from forgetting. We should never forget. You’re right. There is no opposing view.
You’re totally correct about generational trauma as well. Your story about your family trying not to stand out is how my family grew up as well. In a small Midwest town, my family and I were the only immigrants for a very long time. I remember my sister and I being the only two Mexicans in our elementary school. The only two people of any other race. All the other students were white. I remember coming home from a conference. I was the translator for my mom because no one else spoke Spanish. The teacher told me to tell my mom I was doing very well, all my scores were above the grade level I was in. At home my mom told me to do well but to not do so well people paid attention. I will probably never forget that. Generational trauma is real. Obviously whatever trauma I went through and my mom is nothing, nothing at all compared to the Holocaust. I just share it to remind you and myself that we should go easy on us when we’re struggling.
The success in the American success stories to me is the ability to reduce that trauma. My hopes that my children will not be scared to fully be themselves and show the world that they are good, kind and brown-that’s my moms gift to me. I hope the same for your children. Less trauma, more unapologetically them. More dancing in busses.
Thank you for writing this and all the emotional work you put in. My heart hurts for your grandparents and everything they endured to survive. There are no “sides” in this, only the truth no matter how horrible the truth is. Thank you for sharing those reading materials. Number the Stars made a huge impact on me as a child.
Also the Body Keeps the Score is a great book about generational trauma.
Ilana thank you so much for sharing this story with us. I hope you see that your children are your ancestors' wildest dreams. Harlow takes up so much space in the world with her joy and random dancing. She has what your ex boyfriends family had. I know I only see your life through what you show us but Harlow and Mazzy are lights in this world and it's because of all your family's hard work.
Oh, Ilana! I grew up in Queens, in Kew Gardens, surrounded by Holocaust survivors, and my heart is breaking with this post. I remember seeing the tattoos on the arms of the wonderful old Jewish ladies, although I never asked what they were until I was much older. They called me Princess, because I was the only girl in the family, I was loved by them, and loved them in return. The fact that there is anyone that would even suggest "alternative opinions" really shows how gravely the dialogue in this country has degraded. I am solidly on the side of teaching that this isn't some alternative reality, but a flesh and blood tragedy that took more than just people, but entire families, villages, and cultures and destroyed them. Shame on anyone that would even suggest otherwise. I hope this is the beginning of a dialog that can open eyes and educate.
This is such a beautiful, heartbreaking and thought-provoking piece, Ilana. Well done. You are the voice your grandparents didn’t have.
I've followed you for years on Instagram and Facebook, but your posts on Apparently have made it clear to me why. What you have written here has put so succinctly why discussions of the Holocaust still need to happen. But you have also made the experience so intimately human. And I think that it was you are so incredibly good at... making our shared, and unshared, experiences personal and accessible. Thank you.
I’ll probably get jumped on for this, but this poor woman is being vilified and her words are being taken out of context. She does believe the holocaust happened. She does not think there should be an opposing view. She was following the ridiculous law that Texas enacted that there must be both sides taught to everything. A teacher wanted to add books about the holocaust to her classroom, she said remember that you have to have the opposing view also per the Texas law.
Is it awful? Yes! But the politicians in Texas need to be held accountable for this stupid law, not the poor woman who was doing her job.
Lastly, I agree that your family’s story needs to be shared. As a historian who specialized in WWII in Europe, I find the more the stories are put out there the more we learn. It also makes
It harder for the deniers to deny.
i'm also here in Texas, with kids in elementary and middle. This law is working to further destroy education here. And it has far-reaching effects that we won't fully find out about until these children are grown. With current redistricting plans, these problems and gross laws like this will further damage the future of Texas and Texans. So important to vote, and elect folks who believe in history and science and education and women's rights and rights of BIPOC folks and so many others. I truly worry for my kids here, and don't think it is safe for them.
Thank you, Ilana, for sharing this story - your story. It is so important for everyone to hear what can happen, and the path this state of Texas, and the country, is on if we refuse to acknowledge what humans have done to each other.
I was going to make a similar point. While Southlake has plenty of awful reasons to be in the news as of late (FULL DISCLOSURE: This is my high school. I used to be proud of it but not lately), I feel like this one is easy fodder and easily taken out of context. If you listen to the whole audio, you can hear the resignation in her voice. When she said that particular sentence, the teachers in the training audibly objected and she agreed with them. The superintendent has apologized. HB 3979 is complete trash and is designed to scare teachers into not talking about important issues.
I also FULLY AGREE that every story we can have should be documented and shared. And hopefully everyone's gut reactions to this incident can serve to highlight just HOW AWFUL that law is. "No, of course we didn't mean that!!" Maybe not, but this is the result.
Yes, I agree that this particular teacher is not at fault here. The law is absurd and those lawmakers must be held accountable. I don't think the law was written to address issues like the holocaust; it was written because of current "outrage" over critical race theory allegedly being taught in schools. (It is generally not taught in elementary or secondary school; it's college and post-grad level stuff.) It's the Fox Newsing of American politics. Please understand that I am NOT defending this law -- it's abhorrent. But hopefully, this story of the Holocaust being caught up in this asinine law will highlight the overall absurdity of the law and it will be repealed. But it's Texas, so maybe not.
Thank you for sharing your story. I am the child of Holocaust survivors who immigrated to NYC after the war. I made a film about their story. I have 2 girls now, 7 yrs and 10 yrs. I think its really interesting that the Holocaust hasn't been taught at school at all yet ( in a private NYC school) where they have touched on many other parts of history and discrimination since pre-school in age appropriate ways. We need to share these stories especially as the survivors are slowly dying out. I think a group of Children of Holocaust Survivors parenting group with young children could be a great tool.. Maybe our kids could learn from watching all of us share our stories? Food for thought. Thank you for starting to share, Ilana.
I think that's a really interesting idea. My kids haven't learned about it yet either except for what I've told them at home. Send me an email!
How can I get in touch with you? I don't have your email!
I just read The Forest of Vanishing Stars by Kristin Harmel. It’s a novel, but based on true stories, like your grandparents, about Jewish people surviving in the forests during the war. Really emotional.
Thank you- I will definitely look it up. I have never read or seen anyone else's account from this perspective.
Ilana thank you for sharing your families stories. It cannot be easy but sharing your story helps bring a light to why we must never forget the horrors of the Holocaust. I went to Auschwitz and the sheer size of the camp was overwhelming and impossible to comprehend.
I think it any "opposing view" is taught it should be the history of how the Nazi party was elected, gained power and influence, to educate on how the Holocaust happen and emphasize why we must never allow it to happen again. I consider than an opposing view because talking about the Nazis rise to power instead of just the collapse focuses on different aspects of history, both of which are important.
One book that I found very interesting on family trauma was My Grandmother's Hands in case you're ever interested in reading more about it.
Thank you, Ilana, for sharing this powerful piece of writing. This sort of upright honesty and vulnerability about things that matter most show the best of humankind. I will hold Mina, Isaak, and their first child in my heart as long as I live—along with all the others whose names I do not know.
This is such a sad but beautiful post, Ilana. You talked about things that were lost that I've never even thought about. It brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing it.
Thank you for writing this and sharing it. These are stories that need to be spoken about and shared by people who have an audience. My side of our family came to the US before WW II. My husband's grandparents were survivors. They were in a ghetto in Poland and then Auschwitz. His grandparents all died before my children were really old enough to know them although they wouldn't have shared any stories in the same way that yours wouldn't have either. I know my husband's grandmother lost several siblings. Only she and one of her brothers survived. I often think about how life would be so different for all of us Jews if we hadn't lost so many family members and if Europe hadn't become such a scary and hostile place to be a Jew (or many other minorities). We are now far enough out from the Holocaust that all of the last remaining survivors are gone. My kids went to Jewish day school long enough to have learned about it but I still feel like, without hearing the first hand accounts, they don't truly understand. Both my husband and I went on the March of the Living in high school. I hope that my kids will be able to take this trip someday soon so that they can, as closely as possible, walk in the footsteps of our ancestors, even if it is only very briefly and in a symbolic way.
Thank you for sharing your heartbreaking story. I can’t imagine the horror they had to endure. I’ll never forget a lady who came to speak to our class at school who was a holocaust survivor. I remember it was so quiet in the room as she spoke, you could almost hear the lumps in our throats. She had handwritten letters from that time displayed on a table and she was tattooed. She said she was in bed one night and the nazis came in her house and took her family away. Later they would kill her fiancé in front of her and she wasn’t able to have children because they sterilized her. She met a priest in the camp who gave her hope. Years later she ran into him again and he married her and her new fiancé and they were able to adopt a baby girl. She was one of the lucky ones who survived to tell her story.
Ilana thank you for sharing this. I have always known about the holocaust and i am teaching my children about it. We all know about certain famous people from that time and their tragedies, and i also think sharing your family history here is so illustrative of the horrors people endured and survived. The ideas you covered (such as the difference between Jewish families who came to the US before the war vs after, the generational trauma, and how the survivors continued to suffer in the ways you described) are so thought provoking/mind expanding. Thank you so much for sharing your family history and your words, this is so well written. Like another poster, i won't ever forget the story of the first baby and your grandparents, just heartbreaking. May their memory be a blessing. Much love to you and your beautiful family 💗