I’ve been fielding a lot of direct messages about Mazzy’s upcoming Bat Mitzvah (it’s tomorrow!!!), so I thought I’d answer some of the most frequently asked questions.
Congratulations Mazzy! This was so interesting to read and I appreciate the way you explained it. While I’m not Jewish, I very much enjoy learning about the traditions through you.
Mazal tov to your whole family! Having survived the traditional bar mitzvah five years ago (party at a private bowling alley) and a Zoom-mitzvah two years ago I know exactly what you are feeling. I added an extra level of stress by reading Torah for the first time at my son's and I don't recommend it! My advice is to let the professionals take the pictures and just be in the moment. Mazzy will rise to the occasion and you'll be in awe of her accomplishments! Have fun!
I'm planning on reading Torah for the first time at my daughter's bat mitzvah in December!!! Growing up, my mother didn't believe in "women going up to the Torah" so I never learned. I was actually not sure if it would take away from my daughter's day to do it, but the Rabbi and Cantor didn't think so at all, and my daughter totally wants me to do it ❤️
It's so nice that Mazzy's grade is so small and you can just invite all the kids. My Bat Mitzvah was 32 years ago and I still have post-stress about the invite list and how there were much fewer boys than girls at my party.
Maybe you've already done this - but will we get a throwback picture of your bat mitzvah, and Mike's bar mitzvah?
I can definitely show you guys some throwback Bat Mitzvah pics. My mom recently gave me my album to keep at my house instead of hers! Signed, fellow Bat Mitzvah girl who also had way way less boys as guests.
So many of the things you list at the parties as traditional (grandparent prayer, candle lighting, parent speech) have not happened at any bat mitzvah party I’ve been to in the Midwest. I also apparently do not give near enough money! I’m not Jewish and have been invited as a friend of the parent so have given $54 even when my husband and daughter have gone too. Also, it seems traditional here that the celebrant donated half of the cash they receive to a cause related to his/ her project. All this to say, am curious about regional variations. I hope Mazzy has a wonderful day!
I think the amount of money you give is definitely a regional thing. I always think about what to give as roughly the amount per plate and in NYC, I imagine cost per plate is much more expensive. We are planning on making a donation to Mazzy's chosen charity organization, but I had not thought of it as in relation to her gift. I will have to ask around about that. I can see how candlelighting might just be a Northeast thing, but a grandparent saying the prayer over the challah and a parent speech have to be typical everywhere!
I asked my close friend who is Jewish. The parent speeches here happen only during the bar mitzvah ceremony itself (which I do recall—it was something at the party that I couldn’t). And traditionally the grandparents host a lunch after, where the prayer occurs. I’ve been invited, but never attended this lunch, so missed it. So neither happen at the party but they do happen during the course of the day! She also told me no worries re amount of money I’ve gifted her boys 🤣. $100 is the standard, really close friend, wedding gift in the Midwest so I was struggling to think geez, three times that for a 13 year old I only tangentially know?!? 🙃
Wow. That is a lot of work! I think it's about in line with Quinceañera parties in Latin American countries. These are almost always optional, but extremely popular to do, so most girls do them - some boys, too. And they are varied just like you mentioned here. Some people don't do anything (me). Some people have an "almost wedding" party where it's black tie style, where others might have it way more chill at their house. And some will tell their parents they would rather go on a trip instead of having a party.
Not religious, obviously, but still that "coming of age" vibe.
Very interesting to read about! Thanks for sharing and I can't wait to see a few pictures!
This is information I had to learn the hard way. Living in Boca, the bar/bat mitzvah’s are always over the top and my older daughter was invited to a lot of them during her 7th and 8th grade years. Luckily, there were plenty of people, like my husband’s grandma, who were able to show me the ropes and tell me what was expected.
Mazes tov to Mazzy and the family! Hope everyone has so much fun!!! 💕
This was so informative! I'm in North Carolina and I didn't know anyone Jewish growing up but have always been so curious about B’nei Mitzvahs. Thank you for taking the time to share this! Mazel Tov to Mazzy, I hope the day goes smoothly!
Congratulations Mazzy! This was so interesting to read and I appreciate the way you explained it. While I’m not Jewish, I very much enjoy learning about the traditions through you.
Mazal tov to your whole family! Having survived the traditional bar mitzvah five years ago (party at a private bowling alley) and a Zoom-mitzvah two years ago I know exactly what you are feeling. I added an extra level of stress by reading Torah for the first time at my son's and I don't recommend it! My advice is to let the professionals take the pictures and just be in the moment. Mazzy will rise to the occasion and you'll be in awe of her accomplishments! Have fun!
I'm planning on reading Torah for the first time at my daughter's bat mitzvah in December!!! Growing up, my mother didn't believe in "women going up to the Torah" so I never learned. I was actually not sure if it would take away from my daughter's day to do it, but the Rabbi and Cantor didn't think so at all, and my daughter totally wants me to do it ❤️
It's so nice that Mazzy's grade is so small and you can just invite all the kids. My Bat Mitzvah was 32 years ago and I still have post-stress about the invite list and how there were much fewer boys than girls at my party.
Maybe you've already done this - but will we get a throwback picture of your bat mitzvah, and Mike's bar mitzvah?
I can definitely show you guys some throwback Bat Mitzvah pics. My mom recently gave me my album to keep at my house instead of hers! Signed, fellow Bat Mitzvah girl who also had way way less boys as guests.
Congratulations, Mazzy! Hope you have a wonderful Bat Mitzvah!
Thank you for sharing, Ilana. I truly love learning about the Jewish religion.
Mazel tov!!
You seriously can’t choose for yourself what religion you want to be in?
If you are an adult at 13, this should also be a choice you are allowed to make at that age, in my opinion.
Super informative explainer! Thank you for creating this breakdown. It’s going to be an emotional day (speaking for myself)!! 😘
Congratulations to you for getting through the planning! Yay Mazzy, I hope her Bat Mitzvah goes smoothly and she enjoys it!
So many of the things you list at the parties as traditional (grandparent prayer, candle lighting, parent speech) have not happened at any bat mitzvah party I’ve been to in the Midwest. I also apparently do not give near enough money! I’m not Jewish and have been invited as a friend of the parent so have given $54 even when my husband and daughter have gone too. Also, it seems traditional here that the celebrant donated half of the cash they receive to a cause related to his/ her project. All this to say, am curious about regional variations. I hope Mazzy has a wonderful day!
I think the amount of money you give is definitely a regional thing. I always think about what to give as roughly the amount per plate and in NYC, I imagine cost per plate is much more expensive. We are planning on making a donation to Mazzy's chosen charity organization, but I had not thought of it as in relation to her gift. I will have to ask around about that. I can see how candlelighting might just be a Northeast thing, but a grandparent saying the prayer over the challah and a parent speech have to be typical everywhere!
I asked my close friend who is Jewish. The parent speeches here happen only during the bar mitzvah ceremony itself (which I do recall—it was something at the party that I couldn’t). And traditionally the grandparents host a lunch after, where the prayer occurs. I’ve been invited, but never attended this lunch, so missed it. So neither happen at the party but they do happen during the course of the day! She also told me no worries re amount of money I’ve gifted her boys 🤣. $100 is the standard, really close friend, wedding gift in the Midwest so I was struggling to think geez, three times that for a 13 year old I only tangentially know?!? 🙃
“Hating Hebrew school is another long standing Jewish tradition.” 😂 Congratulations Mazzy! I hope you all have a wonderful day tomorrow.
Thank you for sharing! Glad you are at the finish line, it must feel so good to have that montage off your shoulders!
Wow. That is a lot of work! I think it's about in line with Quinceañera parties in Latin American countries. These are almost always optional, but extremely popular to do, so most girls do them - some boys, too. And they are varied just like you mentioned here. Some people don't do anything (me). Some people have an "almost wedding" party where it's black tie style, where others might have it way more chill at their house. And some will tell their parents they would rather go on a trip instead of having a party.
Not religious, obviously, but still that "coming of age" vibe.
Very interesting to read about! Thanks for sharing and I can't wait to see a few pictures!
This is information I had to learn the hard way. Living in Boca, the bar/bat mitzvah’s are always over the top and my older daughter was invited to a lot of them during her 7th and 8th grade years. Luckily, there were plenty of people, like my husband’s grandma, who were able to show me the ropes and tell me what was expected.
Mazes tov to Mazzy and the family! Hope everyone has so much fun!!! 💕
This was so informative! I'm in North Carolina and I didn't know anyone Jewish growing up but have always been so curious about B’nei Mitzvahs. Thank you for taking the time to share this! Mazel Tov to Mazzy, I hope the day goes smoothly!
Congratulations Mazzy! I'm sure she'll do great and will have lots of fun!!! And congrats to you!
Mazel tov, Mazzy, and thanks for sharing all this. Ours is just around the corner.