Before You Give Your Kid a Phone, Make Them Sign This Contract

One of my first “Big Kid Support Group” posts had to do with kids and cell phone usage. We discussed the age at which we gave our kids their first phone, why we thought that age was appropriate and what rules we thought were important to establish. I named a few important rules of thumb that I follow, which are:

1. Give your kid a phone when you need it as a tool, not because they want it as a toy. For instance, Mazzy’s school lets the kids self dismiss in 6th grade, so we started to let her go to the deli with her friends after school and picked her up from there. But then the friends started switching things up (ice cream, burger place, thrift shop, etc.) and I started texting her friends to track her down and figure out where to meet. That’s when I knew it was time.

2. Make it clear that it’s your phone and that you are giving them the privilege of using it. In other words, don’t make it a gift or give it to them for their birthday. It’s a loaner and can be taken away or restricted at any time.

3. Limit the functionality of the phone. When we first gave Mazzy her phone, we made it for calls and texting only. She was also allowed to use built-in functions like the camera, maps, timer, calculator, weather, etc; but we didn’t allow any social media apps, games or access to an internet browser. (FYI, you can delete the Safari app from a phone just like any other app.) Our feeling was that social media and games should be used at home on her iPad, where we could supervise like always. There was no reason to give her access to those things while out and about.

4. Make your kid sign a contract. This way you can have the opportunity to lay out clear guidelines, so that everyone knows what is expected, what breaks the rules and what the consequences will be. We created our contract by doing some research and getting copies of a few contracts from other parents. Then I put together the rules that made the most sense for our family, modified where necessary and added a bunch of my own.

Next, we sat down together as family and went over the contract before everyone signed. Mike thought Mazzy was going to push back against some of the rules (especially the one that said she wouldn’t be allowed any social media apps), but turns out, she was so happy to get a phone, she would have agreed to anything. Our rules have shifted a bit over the last year or so, as Mazzy has gained our trust and more responsibility, but I think our original contract remains a great starting point.

There were so many requests to share our contract, I created a pdf and made it available to download for paid subscribers. You can use the contract as is, or copy and paste to make edits that better fit your family. In addition to laying a foundation for responsible cell phone use, it will give you some ground rules for scenarios you might not have considered.

If you upgrade to a paid subscription, you can also read the original Big Kid Support Group (BKSG) discussion where everyone talked about the phone rules that worked best for them. There is another BKSG discussion specifically around monitoring texts and emails. Other private discussions you will gain access to are about puberty, body image, gender identity, child therapy, and policing clothing choices for girls. Additional perks for paid subscribers are all listed in the welcome email. I hope you join us!

Paid subscribers can download the contract below: