An Ode to Ruth, Our Nanny

I’ve been writing this monster post about Mazzy’s Bat Mitzvah (all the party details finally) and there was one set of moments/memories that stuck out, so I thought I would just give them their own post.

All those moments involve Ruth.

We knew when I was pregnant with Mazzy that I was going to go back to work and we wanted to hire a nanny. We looked into daycare options too, but ultimately decided that a nanny was the best choice for us. We also knew that if all went well, that person would be in our lives for quite some time. We did not find Ruth right away. We actually hired another nanny first, who was with us for about three months and then quit while I was away on a work trip. I found out on a Friday that we needed someone new by Monday and remember scrambling like a crazy person. We started interviewing as soon as possible and after meeting a few people who were clearly the wrong fit, we got in touch with a service who recommended Ruth. I liked her immediately. She just had such a wonderful warmth and kindness about her (probably the reason all the celebrities like her too) and I could imagine her taking very good care of our 6 month old. As soon as she walked out, I said to Mike, “That’s who I want. If she takes the job, we don’t need to interview anyone else.”

Hiring Ruth will go up there with one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life. Yes, she was incredibly responsible and trustworthy in all the ways we hoped and expected, but I don’t think we really understood the broader impact she would have on both our kids. Now looking back, I can see it. Mazzy’s down to earth nature? Harlow’s empathy? If I want to take any credit for either of those things, I have to give credit to Ruth too. She’s had just as much influence as me in how my kids treat others, what they value, and how comfortable they are with being themselves.

At no moment was this more obvious to me as when I was making Mazzy’s Bat Mitzvah montage, because along with the section about camp friends and school friends and extended family, I knew there had to be a special section for Ruth and Mazzy photos too. And after watching the montage approximately 5000 times as we continued to refine it, leading up to the big day, Ruth’s section is what always got me.

This photo specifically:

My kids may have switched schools and moved to a new neighborhood and changed friends and gone through a global pandemic, but Ruth has always been a constant. A positive force in our lives that has brought love and comfort for over 13 years. Ruth was the first and only person to see the montage (besides Leah and me) before the big day. And that section? It got her too.

The next big moment came when Mazzy was giving her speech at the temple. Her Haftorah portion happened to be about Abraham moving to a new land, so the rabbi suggested she weave in themes about immigration. Mazzy ended up incorporating both Grammy immigrating to the US after the Holocaust and Ruth coming to the US from Paraguay, sending money back to her family, and eventually, after years of hard work, gaining US citizenship.

Ruth didn’t know that she would be mentioned in Mazzy’s speech, so I looked over at her at that moment in the temple to see her reaction. She was sitting with her family and blotted her eye with a tissue, and I had to look away before I lost it too.

Then came the candle lighting ceremony at the party. You have 13 candles to light and each candle is dedicated to someone special. The tradition is to recite a little poem with clues before each person (or group of people) is officially announced. Mazzy put a lot of thought into who was getting those 13 spots and remember sitting with her while we made the list. Obviously Harlow got one, Mike and I got one, grandparents and extended family grabbed a few, so there were only a couple spots left for Mazzy to decide. “Ruth!” Mazzy put her down as if it was a choice as obvious as her little sister. Not even a debate. She got candle #9.

I thought about Ruth during the montage too, because not only did she have a little section of her own, she’s also been with us for every phase of Mazzy’s life, through so many of those major moments, even when she wasn’t in the pictures. Looking back, I didn’t take very many pictures with her in them at the beginning, because 1) I was at work when she was with Mazzy and 2) I didn’t realize how significant she would become to us until later. But she knows all the big moments and the small ones, the meal times, the bath times, the first steps and first days of school. She knows our family members and every one of Mazzy’s friends since they were small. She was probably one of the few people at the Bat Mitzvah who knew pretty much every single person in the montage and in the room.

But then the thing that REALLY got me was our friend Brian, who came up to me at the end of the party and told me that he’d been watching Ruth too. Brian is one of Mike’s best friends since college. He was the best man at our wedding and has two little girls, a 6 year-old and a toddler. Last year, they were looking for a part time nanny and since we don’t need Ruth full time anymore, we suggested a share. Ruth interviewed and they felt exactly as we did at the beginning. Warmth and trust. Ruth now works for them three days a week and works for us twice a week. Brian said that he noticed how much Ruth was a part of the ceremony, how she was mentioned in the speech and got a candle. He told me that during the montage, his eye caught Ruth’s and it made him cry, because he could see years down the road and realized what an important part she was going to play in their family too.

I think back to that moment when our nanny quit and I thought we were so screwed. As with many curveballs that life throws you, it was a blessing in disguise. Because we weren’t just hiring someone who would do a good job at watching our baby, we were hiring someone who would become part of our family and help raise our kids. Together, we would watch Mazzy and Harlow grow up into the people they are today. At Mazzy’s Bat Mitzvah, I think Ruth and I felt equal amounts of pride.

And I imagine that seven years from now, I’m going to be watching the Ruth section at Brian’s daughter’s Bat Mitzvah, catching Ruth’s eye and grabbing a tissue, because she’ll have done it again. You’re welcome, Brian!