I watched Turning Red with my mom and the girls on Friday night, having no idea what it was about or that there was any controversy surrounding it. Then I posted about it on my Instagram story and got tons of DMs about angry moms on facebook warning others not to watch it. To be clear, the DMs were not
I watched with my boys, ages 5 & 6, who have big emotions and they love the movie because it shows successful navigation of big emotions and that it can be a process. It's also great to have movie where neither parent is dead as part of the plot. Some of the topics were over their heads, but this was also a great opportunity to talk about these topics in an age appropriate way. We talk about consent with the boys and "My Panda, My Body" was very easy for them to understand. It's also important for boys to see strong, independent female characters. Periods should not be taboo for boys or girls and the earlier we normalize talking about bodies the easier it is for our kids to experience changing bodies confidently rather than with fear or shame.
I have several friends on FB that were "warning" everyone about how inappropriate the movie is and I had to just shake my head. I have two nieces and two nephews.... The girls are 13 and 7. The boys are 8 and 5. For the most part, anything involving puberty went right over the two boys' heads. The 13 year old thought the fantasizing stuff was "cringy" (probably because she's embarrassed that she has thought similar things, if we're being honest) and the other kids thought the fantasizing was silly/funny. Overall, none of them were traumatized or worse off for watching it. They all *are* picking up on the fact that both Encanto and Turning Red has families that don't like the kids to be themselves and that the grandmas/moms have to learn to accept everyone's individuality. The thing they were ALL most drawn to was the fact that one of the girls is diabetic. My 7 year old niece was diagnosed Type 1 a year ago, so they thought that was great.
I loved it and also didn’t really understand why it would be controversial. I don’t think periods are inappropriate for younger kids (and if this is someone’s objection, it’s in the movie for about two minutes). I think I saw some objections stating the movie wasn’t “universal” enough, ie was so specific to a particular age and gender. But I think the themes were universal (family expectations, being true to yourself, etc). And anyway, shouldn’t we all be able to see a movie that doesn’t depict our EXACT experience? Manufactured outrage, I think.
This was such a great summary of the movie and themes. A few points - a lot of (male) reviewers said the character wasn't relatable - which is, of course, sexist - we have all made relating to characters from Harry Potter to Simba to toy cars just fine. And your point that periods begin, increasingly, at young ages (8-9) mean that the content is totally appropriate and needed. To me, this is a larger issue of the female gaze as this is the first Pixar movie solely directed by a woman. As a mom of two teen boys, I am so impressed that within one generation the shame and stigma around periods has declined in such a huge way. Really loved your perspective and writing on this!
I think the movie is great and I love that it is normalizing some “taboo” subjects. I think some peoples pushback might be that they don’t understand that this story is deeply rooted in the Asian experience. Not all of it is going to be relatable to me, but the over arching themes are universal. White people need to get over not always being the target audience.
Mar 18, 2022·edited Mar 19, 2022Liked by Ilana Wiles
I watched it with my boys 10 and 11, both enjoyed the movie. My boys have big emotions so they could relate to how difficult it is to regulate ourselves. In some homes children snap at their parents, society shames us parents and children when this happens, so I found it validating that it was shown in the movie, this is a normal part of growing up, and children are entitled to have big emotions and share their thoughts and opinions. Even though I have boys, I have shared with them about both boy and girl puberty, they know mom gets her period, and sometimes doesn't feel well, I hope this makes them empathetic towards girls, and not gag and scream if a girl God forbid has an accident at school.
I think we are so prudish in society that we cannot handle talking about any of these taboo subjects with our kids, and appreciate the opportunity to speak on this topics in a natural calm way.
Most of the negative comments I have read were from parents saying something about their middle school boy not needing to know about periods. Umm. I mean! They already do. And they do need to know. And I am sure if boys got them we would all know everything about them from birth and they would be totally normalized. Assimilating to white, male centered culture means hiding these things.
I haven’t seen Red Panda yet. However, I did see a few comments on some Disney pages. One mom was mad because she watched it with her sons (about M & H age) and they had questions after. The horror! I mean, to raise sons who will be good boyfriends, husbands and fathers, they need to know about these things. I think it’s important on many levels, to normalize puberty (crushes, feelings, hormones, periods, etc) but I do also wonder how I’d feel if the character was a boy and he felt things during puberty….
I thought it was going to be more about controlling your emotions like anger, not puberty. I was disappointed it wasn’t what I expected. But it was still good! My boys are 10 and 12 and totally understood it and related to changes even though Mei goes through different changes. We can relate to so much as human if we just choose to find the commonality instead of only seeing differences. My boys even watched it a second time on their own.
Our family watched (3 adults and 5 yo granddaughter). Most of the more mature parts didn't phase her at all but she liked the idea of the panda being her feeling out of control and several times urged Mei to "just breathe". I too had a visceral reaction at first but then thought through and decided I was ok with it. (Surprisingly more the period part than the sex because my first period was extremely traumatic). It was interesting to me how "Encanto" and "Turning Red" both had some similar themes of family conflict and trauma but in very different ways. It wasn't my favorite but I really liked it.
I honestly don't get what the big deal is. I didn't realize there was supposed "controversy" until after we had already seen it. I watched it with my husband, 11yo son, and 9 & 5yo daughters. We all loved it. I think I laughed the most! We watched it the Friday it came out, and apparently it was fate because literally the next day my 9yo got her first period. So, yes, girls as young as 9 are definitely going through similar things. I think it's so important for movies like this to show what it's really like to be a tween/teenage girl.
And for all the parents who have issues with the disrespect for the mom in the movie - were you ever 13?? I certainly wasn't an angel at that age. Lying to your mom is never a good idea, but I'm 100% sure my kids will lie to me about something in their lifetime. I think it was an *honest* representation of tweens/teens. Like you said, I don't think there is anything different about Mei's rebellious side versus Ariel and the others.
I watched this last weekend with my girls, ages 11 and 7, and I had no issues with it. To me, the movie is realistic of teenaged girls! Why should we hide what actually goes on in their lives? I had a few friends who said they turned it off after 45 minutes, and honestly I just don't understand. To each their own, but I remember as a teen my best friend and I had a notebook we wrote notes to each other in, and I'm sure some of the things we wrote were about boys we had crushes on! It's completely normal!
I watched the movie with my 8 and 11 year old (and my mom!) and we loved it. I think the only criticism I could come up with that makes sense is that Pixar didn’t market this accurately. They didn’t market it like a coming of age story, which it absolutely is. Mei doesn’t look 13 in the promos. She looks 6-8 (to me) - so the promos have a big panda and a young looking girl. I think the movie was great - I think it could’ve used a more accurate marketing strategy that may have prepared parents better!
I really liked the movie. I watched it with my husband and daughter the day it came out. My daughter is 7 and I think it was slightly too old for her - but not because it talks about periods! She knows all about periods. It was things like the stripper music line and calling someone a perv. But again, that is based on my daughter's age and maturity. My daughter saw the previews in multiple places and once I saw that it was disney/pixar and a PG rating I assumed it would be fine. That's based on other pixar movies with the same rating. So that is on me. But again, I think it is a great movie!! I actually love that it gets into periods, puberty, and finding your own path that doesn't always line up with your parents. Those are important things that kids should get to see in movies.
Most of my real friends liked it as well. The biggest complaint is that it felt marketed to a younger crowd so people just weren't expecting some themes. Any of the people I know who have major issues with it are people I have very different opinions with about almost anything...
I watched it with my husband, my 13 yo daughter and my 10 yo son. My husband and I knew what was going on throughout and it didn’t bother either of us. My daughter was unphased by it as a young teen who already had her period. My son was oblivious (as far as I’m concerned, but I hope he’ll have questions for me on a rewatch). My daughter is learning more and more about the world around her, with or without me. So of course I want to be the one that talks to her about the things that do matter. There’s no controversy in that. I want her to know that as her mom, that the lines of communication are ALWAYS open, no fear, no judgment, only love and support. If she doesn’t learn the facts about life from me, she’s going to get misinformed friends with their opinions. For me, that can be tricky. I learned from friends and not my parents, and that forced me to grow up with ideas that were completely incorrect. I don’t want that for her. Teach your kids the stuff that you didn’t learn from your parents and then add more. Talk to them about the uncomfortable, difficult to discuss situations. You’re helping them more than you could ever possibly imagine.
I don’t get the controversy either but I feel that perhaps that is the ‘discomfort’ that others are feeling because the narrative of the movie is not what they are used to or grew up in or brought up with. My boys (10 and 13) and I loved the movie, and while it is different from the boiler plate Pixar movies we are accustomed to, it is such a great step into normalizing or at the very least discussing topics that used to be a no-no in the public eye.
I watched with my boys, ages 5 & 6, who have big emotions and they love the movie because it shows successful navigation of big emotions and that it can be a process. It's also great to have movie where neither parent is dead as part of the plot. Some of the topics were over their heads, but this was also a great opportunity to talk about these topics in an age appropriate way. We talk about consent with the boys and "My Panda, My Body" was very easy for them to understand. It's also important for boys to see strong, independent female characters. Periods should not be taboo for boys or girls and the earlier we normalize talking about bodies the easier it is for our kids to experience changing bodies confidently rather than with fear or shame.
I have several friends on FB that were "warning" everyone about how inappropriate the movie is and I had to just shake my head. I have two nieces and two nephews.... The girls are 13 and 7. The boys are 8 and 5. For the most part, anything involving puberty went right over the two boys' heads. The 13 year old thought the fantasizing stuff was "cringy" (probably because she's embarrassed that she has thought similar things, if we're being honest) and the other kids thought the fantasizing was silly/funny. Overall, none of them were traumatized or worse off for watching it. They all *are* picking up on the fact that both Encanto and Turning Red has families that don't like the kids to be themselves and that the grandmas/moms have to learn to accept everyone's individuality. The thing they were ALL most drawn to was the fact that one of the girls is diabetic. My 7 year old niece was diagnosed Type 1 a year ago, so they thought that was great.
I loved it and also didn’t really understand why it would be controversial. I don’t think periods are inappropriate for younger kids (and if this is someone’s objection, it’s in the movie for about two minutes). I think I saw some objections stating the movie wasn’t “universal” enough, ie was so specific to a particular age and gender. But I think the themes were universal (family expectations, being true to yourself, etc). And anyway, shouldn’t we all be able to see a movie that doesn’t depict our EXACT experience? Manufactured outrage, I think.
This was such a great summary of the movie and themes. A few points - a lot of (male) reviewers said the character wasn't relatable - which is, of course, sexist - we have all made relating to characters from Harry Potter to Simba to toy cars just fine. And your point that periods begin, increasingly, at young ages (8-9) mean that the content is totally appropriate and needed. To me, this is a larger issue of the female gaze as this is the first Pixar movie solely directed by a woman. As a mom of two teen boys, I am so impressed that within one generation the shame and stigma around periods has declined in such a huge way. Really loved your perspective and writing on this!
I think the movie is great and I love that it is normalizing some “taboo” subjects. I think some peoples pushback might be that they don’t understand that this story is deeply rooted in the Asian experience. Not all of it is going to be relatable to me, but the over arching themes are universal. White people need to get over not always being the target audience.
I watched it with my boys 10 and 11, both enjoyed the movie. My boys have big emotions so they could relate to how difficult it is to regulate ourselves. In some homes children snap at their parents, society shames us parents and children when this happens, so I found it validating that it was shown in the movie, this is a normal part of growing up, and children are entitled to have big emotions and share their thoughts and opinions. Even though I have boys, I have shared with them about both boy and girl puberty, they know mom gets her period, and sometimes doesn't feel well, I hope this makes them empathetic towards girls, and not gag and scream if a girl God forbid has an accident at school.
I think we are so prudish in society that we cannot handle talking about any of these taboo subjects with our kids, and appreciate the opportunity to speak on this topics in a natural calm way.
Most of the negative comments I have read were from parents saying something about their middle school boy not needing to know about periods. Umm. I mean! They already do. And they do need to know. And I am sure if boys got them we would all know everything about them from birth and they would be totally normalized. Assimilating to white, male centered culture means hiding these things.
I haven’t seen Red Panda yet. However, I did see a few comments on some Disney pages. One mom was mad because she watched it with her sons (about M & H age) and they had questions after. The horror! I mean, to raise sons who will be good boyfriends, husbands and fathers, they need to know about these things. I think it’s important on many levels, to normalize puberty (crushes, feelings, hormones, periods, etc) but I do also wonder how I’d feel if the character was a boy and he felt things during puberty….
I thought it was going to be more about controlling your emotions like anger, not puberty. I was disappointed it wasn’t what I expected. But it was still good! My boys are 10 and 12 and totally understood it and related to changes even though Mei goes through different changes. We can relate to so much as human if we just choose to find the commonality instead of only seeing differences. My boys even watched it a second time on their own.
Our family watched (3 adults and 5 yo granddaughter). Most of the more mature parts didn't phase her at all but she liked the idea of the panda being her feeling out of control and several times urged Mei to "just breathe". I too had a visceral reaction at first but then thought through and decided I was ok with it. (Surprisingly more the period part than the sex because my first period was extremely traumatic). It was interesting to me how "Encanto" and "Turning Red" both had some similar themes of family conflict and trauma but in very different ways. It wasn't my favorite but I really liked it.
I honestly don't get what the big deal is. I didn't realize there was supposed "controversy" until after we had already seen it. I watched it with my husband, 11yo son, and 9 & 5yo daughters. We all loved it. I think I laughed the most! We watched it the Friday it came out, and apparently it was fate because literally the next day my 9yo got her first period. So, yes, girls as young as 9 are definitely going through similar things. I think it's so important for movies like this to show what it's really like to be a tween/teenage girl.
And for all the parents who have issues with the disrespect for the mom in the movie - were you ever 13?? I certainly wasn't an angel at that age. Lying to your mom is never a good idea, but I'm 100% sure my kids will lie to me about something in their lifetime. I think it was an *honest* representation of tweens/teens. Like you said, I don't think there is anything different about Mei's rebellious side versus Ariel and the others.
I watched this last weekend with my girls, ages 11 and 7, and I had no issues with it. To me, the movie is realistic of teenaged girls! Why should we hide what actually goes on in their lives? I had a few friends who said they turned it off after 45 minutes, and honestly I just don't understand. To each their own, but I remember as a teen my best friend and I had a notebook we wrote notes to each other in, and I'm sure some of the things we wrote were about boys we had crushes on! It's completely normal!
I watched the movie with my 8 and 11 year old (and my mom!) and we loved it. I think the only criticism I could come up with that makes sense is that Pixar didn’t market this accurately. They didn’t market it like a coming of age story, which it absolutely is. Mei doesn’t look 13 in the promos. She looks 6-8 (to me) - so the promos have a big panda and a young looking girl. I think the movie was great - I think it could’ve used a more accurate marketing strategy that may have prepared parents better!
I really liked the movie. I watched it with my husband and daughter the day it came out. My daughter is 7 and I think it was slightly too old for her - but not because it talks about periods! She knows all about periods. It was things like the stripper music line and calling someone a perv. But again, that is based on my daughter's age and maturity. My daughter saw the previews in multiple places and once I saw that it was disney/pixar and a PG rating I assumed it would be fine. That's based on other pixar movies with the same rating. So that is on me. But again, I think it is a great movie!! I actually love that it gets into periods, puberty, and finding your own path that doesn't always line up with your parents. Those are important things that kids should get to see in movies.
Most of my real friends liked it as well. The biggest complaint is that it felt marketed to a younger crowd so people just weren't expecting some themes. Any of the people I know who have major issues with it are people I have very different opinions with about almost anything...
I watched it with my husband, my 13 yo daughter and my 10 yo son. My husband and I knew what was going on throughout and it didn’t bother either of us. My daughter was unphased by it as a young teen who already had her period. My son was oblivious (as far as I’m concerned, but I hope he’ll have questions for me on a rewatch). My daughter is learning more and more about the world around her, with or without me. So of course I want to be the one that talks to her about the things that do matter. There’s no controversy in that. I want her to know that as her mom, that the lines of communication are ALWAYS open, no fear, no judgment, only love and support. If she doesn’t learn the facts about life from me, she’s going to get misinformed friends with their opinions. For me, that can be tricky. I learned from friends and not my parents, and that forced me to grow up with ideas that were completely incorrect. I don’t want that for her. Teach your kids the stuff that you didn’t learn from your parents and then add more. Talk to them about the uncomfortable, difficult to discuss situations. You’re helping them more than you could ever possibly imagine.
I don’t get the controversy either but I feel that perhaps that is the ‘discomfort’ that others are feeling because the narrative of the movie is not what they are used to or grew up in or brought up with. My boys (10 and 13) and I loved the movie, and while it is different from the boiler plate Pixar movies we are accustomed to, it is such a great step into normalizing or at the very least discussing topics that used to be a no-no in the public eye.