I’ll admit, I missed the New Girl craze. When it first came out in 2011, I had a toddler and then in subsequent seasons, a toddler and a baby, so I didn’t exactly have the bandwidth for a show about single people living in LA. I knew it was a comedy on NBC and starred Zooey Deschanel, the penultimate manic pixie dream girl, but that was about it. Until about nine months ago, when Mazzy was suddenly obsessed with it. She had watched some episodes at a friend’s house, told me it was really funny and continued to watch the series on her own. I didn’t think much of it, because the combination of Zooey Deschanel, that annoyingly peppy theme song and the fact that it was on network television, made me think it must all be pretty innocent.
I am currently watching New Girl with my almost 12 yr old and I totally agree. We just finished Friends together and it has A LOT more sex references than I realised too but so many of her classmates had watched it. Now I feel like it would be hypocritical to suddenly ban New Girl as the ship has sailed so I'd rather we watch together and can chat about stuff in an open way in the context of the characters rather than it being awkward 'Chats' for the sole purpose of sex ed.
My husband also keeps saying 'I don't know about this!' 😄
She's been well warned not to watch while her 8 yr old sister is around though and tbh I think that adds to it being a bonding thing for us to do together - she feels her age is being respected by letting her watch something more grown up. And I would rather chat about adult consensual sex in a comedy than stuff with teen drug use and / or sexual assault.
Excellent post! I hope that my kids feel as open and connected with me when they’re teens as Mazzy is with you. What a testament to your parenting thus far. ❤️
Thank you for normalizing the viewing, the conversation, the jokes, the awkwardness, the consent, the words surrounding "sex". When the topic is off limits or taboo to teens learning about their bodies and the larger world they live in.....bad things can happen. I completely agree that knowing what your teen is seeing/watching/hearing and being able to talk about it opening is the only way to go!!!!
My 13YO son and 14 YO daughter love it. I squirm inside most of the episodes. But they ask and I answer questions throughout. They are remarkably casual about the whole thing. These kids know way more than we'll ever know.
Yeah there is such a difference in their attitude about it than when we grew up. I think we found it embarrassing to watch with our parents because there was so much shame and secrecy around the topic. With that removed, I find that my kids really don't get embarrassed watching with me or talking to me about things. It's really refreshing!
There is a bit of a drama in our school community that the P6s (11, a year off going to high school) had a sex talk - with discussion of the mechanics and the fact that sex should feel good. Some of the parents are outraged, which feels wild to me. Lots of pearl clutching going on. My son is much younger and I’d want to be the one giving him the talk, but not everyone will, so it’s good the school is taking the bull by the horns so to speak.
Most of these kids have heard something about sex, and given that stat about exposure to porn, many of them have seen something. I’d rather have real information rather than playground rumour and impress upon them that sex should be pleasurable, rather than painful or damaging, and if it isn’t, stop.
I love this. I am watching The Good Place with my just turned 10 and 12 yos (for the first time for me too). While gifting a duffle bag of cocaine and all the jokes about various illegal events in Florida are not ideal - the discussions around ethos, the recurring themes that sex, love, and communication are all important and normal, and that women can overtly want sex and that's normal too - are great topics to just bring into my kids' worldview.
I knew kids in my middle school that were having sex and while I hope my kids do not make that choice I think watching shows that address these issues as grown up *but healthy* interests is one way to continue the conversations with them and open the door for questions beyond sex Ed.
This is a great post and you make excellent points. I feel similarly in letting my 12.5 yr old watch New Girl, especially since she's seen friends already.
Great points!! My kids are all young adults now, but we also used various TV series and movies to open discussions about sex, relationships, drugs, alcohol, body image, etc. I think watching these shows together allows all of us to feel more comfortable in bringing up the discussion and allows our kids to know that we are here for those discussions!
Thanks so much for this article! I have daughters the same age and love how you’ve broken down this analysis of your thought process. Fun side note, I’m watching “Not Dead Yet” with my 11yo (strongly recommend) and “CeCe” is also an actress in this show.
This is such a great post! My daughter is 12, and the show we’re watching together is Heartstopper. She asked me to watch with her because she has been reading and loving the graphic novels. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but we’re about five episodes in and I have been totally charmed and impressed by the show. It has sparked some great discussions here about sexuality and healthy relationships, both romantic ones and friendships.
I think it's great that you watch this together because you can answer questions that may come up for Mazzy. And maybe it's more comfortable to discuss since it's not about her life, just curiosity about the subject matter. I similarly let my 11 and a half year old start watching Veronica Mars, which I loved back in the early 2000s but had forgotten about a lot of the sex and drug references. Some of it goes over her head, but it's an avenue for real conversation too. And she loves it because of how smart and witty the main character is.
Ok, so I have watched the entire series with my..... 10 year old. We absolutely love it and laugh even though we've seen the episodes many times before. This makes me feel SO much better the way that you've framed it, even though I know Mazzy is older than my daughter. I have to ask, though - would you feel any different watching with Harlow?
It's mainly something we watch just the two of us after Harlow is in bed, but since Mazzy is obsessed and puts it on all the time, Harlow has definitely seen more than a few episodes. There have been a few moments where she is watching that I've asked Mazzy to turn it off, but then I think that might send an even weirder message than just letting her watch.
LOVED this post! I haven't watched New Girl with my daughter (11) but have it on the list for when she is a little older. I totally agree on the "I think when we shield our kids too much" thought. We need to give our kids more credit, as well as the opportunity to think critically about what they see, hear, watch, and read. I loved this tv series myself so I can't wait to watch this with her when she is older!
I agree with you. My kid is 14 1/2 and we’re riding the line between what’s appropriate for her to watch. She doesn’t watch a ton of television and has no social media, but she tells me what’s going on in school. She tells me that girls that she knows watch Euphoria, and that is DEFINITELY NOT kid friendly. I watched the 2 seasons and I love it, not because of the content but because I see what is quite possibly happening in HS these days, a real look into it. And let me tell you, that it is NOT for the faint of heart. Good for you for trusting what’s right for you guys.
Yeah I haven't watched Euphoria yet because I'm too scared! Mazzy is not allowed to watch that yet and she tell me she doesn't want to, but she definitely has friends who have watched.
It’s hard to watch as a parent. Right off the bat, the first episode shows some crazy sh*t, and it doesn’t stop. The sex, drugs and risky behaviors are startling, and getting a look into what teens are possibly doing these days is terrifying. It’s not like us as teens going to a store and buying Zimas in NYC and going out with friends, those days are long gone. This show feels too real. Not a show I want to watch with my teen. I think watching it as a parent though opened my eyes a bit to the teen world, and allowed me to have real open conversations and dialogues about what’s happening in school and with kids at her school. She’s heading into 9th grade in August, so I need to be the one that has the hard conversations before someone gives her the wrong advice.
I am currently watching New Girl with my almost 12 yr old and I totally agree. We just finished Friends together and it has A LOT more sex references than I realised too but so many of her classmates had watched it. Now I feel like it would be hypocritical to suddenly ban New Girl as the ship has sailed so I'd rather we watch together and can chat about stuff in an open way in the context of the characters rather than it being awkward 'Chats' for the sole purpose of sex ed.
My husband also keeps saying 'I don't know about this!' 😄
She's been well warned not to watch while her 8 yr old sister is around though and tbh I think that adds to it being a bonding thing for us to do together - she feels her age is being respected by letting her watch something more grown up. And I would rather chat about adult consensual sex in a comedy than stuff with teen drug use and / or sexual assault.
Excellent post! I hope that my kids feel as open and connected with me when they’re teens as Mazzy is with you. What a testament to your parenting thus far. ❤️
Thank you for normalizing the viewing, the conversation, the jokes, the awkwardness, the consent, the words surrounding "sex". When the topic is off limits or taboo to teens learning about their bodies and the larger world they live in.....bad things can happen. I completely agree that knowing what your teen is seeing/watching/hearing and being able to talk about it opening is the only way to go!!!!
My 13YO son and 14 YO daughter love it. I squirm inside most of the episodes. But they ask and I answer questions throughout. They are remarkably casual about the whole thing. These kids know way more than we'll ever know.
Yeah there is such a difference in their attitude about it than when we grew up. I think we found it embarrassing to watch with our parents because there was so much shame and secrecy around the topic. With that removed, I find that my kids really don't get embarrassed watching with me or talking to me about things. It's really refreshing!
There is a bit of a drama in our school community that the P6s (11, a year off going to high school) had a sex talk - with discussion of the mechanics and the fact that sex should feel good. Some of the parents are outraged, which feels wild to me. Lots of pearl clutching going on. My son is much younger and I’d want to be the one giving him the talk, but not everyone will, so it’s good the school is taking the bull by the horns so to speak.
Most of these kids have heard something about sex, and given that stat about exposure to porn, many of them have seen something. I’d rather have real information rather than playground rumour and impress upon them that sex should be pleasurable, rather than painful or damaging, and if it isn’t, stop.
I love this. I am watching The Good Place with my just turned 10 and 12 yos (for the first time for me too). While gifting a duffle bag of cocaine and all the jokes about various illegal events in Florida are not ideal - the discussions around ethos, the recurring themes that sex, love, and communication are all important and normal, and that women can overtly want sex and that's normal too - are great topics to just bring into my kids' worldview.
I knew kids in my middle school that were having sex and while I hope my kids do not make that choice I think watching shows that address these issues as grown up *but healthy* interests is one way to continue the conversations with them and open the door for questions beyond sex Ed.
We watched the Good Place as a family too. Such a good show about morality and ethics!
*ethics, not ethos, thanks autocorrect 🤬
This is a great post and you make excellent points. I feel similarly in letting my 12.5 yr old watch New Girl, especially since she's seen friends already.
Great points!! My kids are all young adults now, but we also used various TV series and movies to open discussions about sex, relationships, drugs, alcohol, body image, etc. I think watching these shows together allows all of us to feel more comfortable in bringing up the discussion and allows our kids to know that we are here for those discussions!
Thanks so much for this article! I have daughters the same age and love how you’ve broken down this analysis of your thought process. Fun side note, I’m watching “Not Dead Yet” with my 11yo (strongly recommend) and “CeCe” is also an actress in this show.
This is such a great post! My daughter is 12, and the show we’re watching together is Heartstopper. She asked me to watch with her because she has been reading and loving the graphic novels. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but we’re about five episodes in and I have been totally charmed and impressed by the show. It has sparked some great discussions here about sexuality and healthy relationships, both romantic ones and friendships.
I think it's great that you watch this together because you can answer questions that may come up for Mazzy. And maybe it's more comfortable to discuss since it's not about her life, just curiosity about the subject matter. I similarly let my 11 and a half year old start watching Veronica Mars, which I loved back in the early 2000s but had forgotten about a lot of the sex and drug references. Some of it goes over her head, but it's an avenue for real conversation too. And she loves it because of how smart and witty the main character is.
Ok, so I have watched the entire series with my..... 10 year old. We absolutely love it and laugh even though we've seen the episodes many times before. This makes me feel SO much better the way that you've framed it, even though I know Mazzy is older than my daughter. I have to ask, though - would you feel any different watching with Harlow?
It's mainly something we watch just the two of us after Harlow is in bed, but since Mazzy is obsessed and puts it on all the time, Harlow has definitely seen more than a few episodes. There have been a few moments where she is watching that I've asked Mazzy to turn it off, but then I think that might send an even weirder message than just letting her watch.
LOVED this post! I haven't watched New Girl with my daughter (11) but have it on the list for when she is a little older. I totally agree on the "I think when we shield our kids too much" thought. We need to give our kids more credit, as well as the opportunity to think critically about what they see, hear, watch, and read. I loved this tv series myself so I can't wait to watch this with her when she is older!
I agree with you. My kid is 14 1/2 and we’re riding the line between what’s appropriate for her to watch. She doesn’t watch a ton of television and has no social media, but she tells me what’s going on in school. She tells me that girls that she knows watch Euphoria, and that is DEFINITELY NOT kid friendly. I watched the 2 seasons and I love it, not because of the content but because I see what is quite possibly happening in HS these days, a real look into it. And let me tell you, that it is NOT for the faint of heart. Good for you for trusting what’s right for you guys.
Yeah I haven't watched Euphoria yet because I'm too scared! Mazzy is not allowed to watch that yet and she tell me she doesn't want to, but she definitely has friends who have watched.
It’s hard to watch as a parent. Right off the bat, the first episode shows some crazy sh*t, and it doesn’t stop. The sex, drugs and risky behaviors are startling, and getting a look into what teens are possibly doing these days is terrifying. It’s not like us as teens going to a store and buying Zimas in NYC and going out with friends, those days are long gone. This show feels too real. Not a show I want to watch with my teen. I think watching it as a parent though opened my eyes a bit to the teen world, and allowed me to have real open conversations and dialogues about what’s happening in school and with kids at her school. She’s heading into 9th grade in August, so I need to be the one that has the hard conversations before someone gives her the wrong advice.