Over the past few days, I have been caught up in following the case of Gabby Petito, like everyone else. What started due to curiosity and good intentions (maybe we can actually help find a missing person or solve a crime and get some justice), ended with me having some conflicting thoughts and reservations. I thought I’d come here to discuss.
If you’re interested in learning more about some stories of missing BIPOC people, the podcast The Fall Line is a great place to start. They do deep dives into the stories of missing POC children and women in GA.
I am a self professed true crime follower. However, you are correct. A lot of true crime content is based on entertainment. I try my best to follow content creators that have a larger purpose. I follow the Crime Junkie podcast because the creators mainly cover cold cases in the hopes that a listener may have a new tip to re-invigorate a case. They also really emphasize unsolved cases of minorities. They have focused on people of color, Trans, and indigenous women who don't get the media coverage that young white females get. They sell merchandise and donate proceeds to organizations like The DOE project and DNA funding for cold cases. I think this case was a anomaly in which the determination of the public helped find her but I can see how this can easily go south.
I had to unfollow House in Habit after the more meaningful FreeBritney posts had dwindled down and been replaced by strange hot takes about the vax and vague angry posting about people who were clearly trying to advocate for taking the vaccine. The last straw was when I saw deeply misogynist, body shaming, possibly anti pro choice content being casually posted. It was most disconcerting. Cast a shadow of doubt over all her pevious Britney post (and their motivations).
I definitely found myself interested in her case, mostly as someone who is interested in true crime, but I remember thinking the same thing when it came to how social media was talking about Gabby.
I’m not much older than she is, so naturally my social media channels consist of many 20-something year olds, and I often kept noticing about how it felt like the ones sharing info about Gabby’s story were turning it a guessing game of what would come next whenever they shared a new “update” from an unverified source or tweet. Of course, I did find myself getting sucked into the story as well, but it definitely made me uncomfortable reading how social media was handing it all - especially before the discovery of a body. I kept wondering why the same people on my friends lists who I know advocate so strongly for issues (especially regarding women’s safety) were suddenly making flippant comments about a missing girl’s life when it was still breaking news.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with us caring or wanting to share factual information about a case. But sometimes it feels like parts of social media forget that each missing person - whether they make headlines or not - is real and have a family or friends waiting for them.
I know without a doubt what caught my attention on this case, though it was after news stations picked it up. If you saw a picture of my 21 year old daughter, who loves camping and hiking with her bf, you’d understand. It’s going to strike a cord I can’t control when the missing girl resembles your child in several ways.
But I also didn’t go down the rabbit hole. I watched for info on accounts I already follow. And I’m not into true crime too much because more often than not, it’s such a sad ending. We recently had a missing toddler case here in my town that I knew would end badly. And it did. But one thing I noticed was how on top of everything people are. They were finding inconsistencies in her FB posts left and right. Unfortunately, for all the smart people who understand fact vs speculation, there are a bunch who see something and run with it, regardless of its veracity. But that’s like all things in life, even in person investigations. For all the good the internet and social media can do (found a grown up, long lost nephew via FB), there’s a lot of bad. We just need to better educate our children….hopefully that’s doable. I’m
I'm not particularly a true crime follower/fan, but when this story popped up in my feed (via various sources), I immediately thought, "Well, she's dead and he probably killed her." I appreciate all the insights people have shared - and unfortunately, it's not new that we as a society follow the saga of the missing white woman and ignore the stories of BIPOC (the first one that popped into my head was Laci Peterson, which was all over the news when I was in grad school). I wish I had more insightful commentary, but the whole ordeal just makes me sad, for Gabby's family, and for all the other families who want their sons/daughters/brothers/sisters to be found.
Because they were documenting their trip on social media, somewhere along the way I had the thought the disappearance might be a prank which could be turned into a movie. That was my optimistic outcome and hope. I wonder if the pressure to produce watchable content added to the strain of their relationship. Perhaps if they could have focused on each other this tragedy could have been avoided. Social media has impacted too many in a negative way.
I have absolutely no interest in this case. What DOES fascinate me is the fact that a young white girl goes missing and the world cares. The young white boyfriend is not immediately considered a suspect and is allowed to roam free. If these were Black people the boyfriend would have been in handcuffs from the word go, if anyone bothered looking for her in the first place.
I had seen a headline about the case, but didn't follow until I saw you talking about it in your stories, and then followed your link to the other woman who was sharing lots in her stories. I'm glad to see this post from you because the whole thing made me feel REALLY icky. While true that some of the attention may ultimately prove to be helpful, it's also very exploitive and I can only imagine what the family must feel. I know there are tons of people that love true crime, but there's a big difference between learning about a past case vs. actively playing detective and spreading guesses and heresay.
Additionally, the woman who was sharing a lot in her stories mentioned that 1) one of her relatives was a missing person for a couple decades and 2) she didn't want to talk about it. It was jarring to see her say she DIDN'T want to talk about the case close to her while she was ACTIVELY speculating on the Petito case.
The internet and social media have benefits. But this one, whew. It feels very uncomfortable and I ache for those closely involved who may have had to watch the internet play detective (10% helpful, 90% not) with their own daughter.
I just subscribed! I realized that every email I get from everything else, I save for later to read but when I see you in my inbox I read it right away and can’t put it down! About the article- I heard about this story last week but right away I saw a post from someone I follow, girlwithnopresident, who questioned why everyone is so interested in gabby and not any other bipoc person that’s ever been missing. She even had a picture posted of a Black woman and asked why there was no news coverage on her. After that, I didn’t actively search for information on the Gabby case. I did hear updates on her disappearance but really tried to not get involved. The effects of 2020 and George Floyd really changed something in me and I feel like I don’t have any other white woman to talk to about my new found awareness. I know that you, Ilana, have also become more aware as well and I feel really good about joining this group.
I admin a relatively large Facebook group (I'm kind of a big deal /s ) and like so many others I was also obsessively following the Petito case. I shared a post from Gabby's family in the group, thinking that sharing is caring and unaware of the eye opening backlash i was about to receive.
Several hundred comments later, I have come to understand Missing White Woman Syndrome and the real issues that surround media and missing persons cases. I am ashamed to say that it really never crossed my mind until then, but I am glad to now have the opportunity to correct myself. While I dont believe that Gabby's race was the only reason her story drew so much attention, I do think it played a significant role.
After speaking with several group members that were willing to have an adult conversation about the issue, we have agreed to begin a weekly segment in group to feature several missing persons cases that haven't been seen covered by the media. Indigenous, trans, POC and other marginalized individuals go missing every single day and don't see a fraction of the attention that Gabbys did. Thats not okay. Every missing person equally deserves to be found, and every family deserves closure.
I admit to doing everything that you wrote here in terms of the need to be fed with the "latest update" on this case. And it makes me wonder if someone who is not as privileged (read: young good-looking marginally well-off white person) would receive the same amount of traction as this one. Our understanding of real life cases is so warped and inspired by our entertainment quotient that it ceases to become a legitimate curiosity to know the unknown. It just ends up being just another news that will keep us engaged for a while till it dies a quiet death and then onto the next one (just like news channels tbh).
I admire that you didn't try to justify your need to have followed it (all of us did!) but felt that it should stop. Thank you for this article, Ilana!
Thank you for the wonderful insights, Ilana. I am not into True Crime type stories or shows and only read a little bit about Gabby after you posted.
No doubt the fact that Gabby was known on social media brought attention to her case and will help convict the alleged murderer if that's what happened. But it is sad that her social media presence did not *prevent* her death.
Why don't we hear about missing people of all races? It is not that the average American does not care. We need better solutions for this, but I don't know what they are. I suspect a newscast could spend the entire hour showing us the faces of the missing. Perhaps that would be more productive than the regular news.
I am sure one aspect that suppresses the information about missing people is that we would rather just not know, or, even if we wanted to, it's hard to even understand or accept how many "bad people" there really are in the world.
Great piece Ilana! As someone who’s not a US resident, I find some of the details confusing. How is it possible for the boy’s parents to refuse to cooperate with the police? I hadn’t realised that US citizens could pick and choose if they wanted to be questioned on the details of an active investigation. Certainly makes me wonder about all the unarmed black men killed by the police…..
Thank you for making me more aware of who the 'sleuths' on social media might really be and the rabbit holes they are leading us to. I watched an interview with John Walsh this morning on GMA and he firmly believes that the public will solve this case and find the boyfriend...John is going to feature this story on his show "America's Most Wanted" this week. He did not hold back any of his feelings or thoughts. If only we could find others who are missing...
If you’re interested in learning more about some stories of missing BIPOC people, the podcast The Fall Line is a great place to start. They do deep dives into the stories of missing POC children and women in GA.
I am a self professed true crime follower. However, you are correct. A lot of true crime content is based on entertainment. I try my best to follow content creators that have a larger purpose. I follow the Crime Junkie podcast because the creators mainly cover cold cases in the hopes that a listener may have a new tip to re-invigorate a case. They also really emphasize unsolved cases of minorities. They have focused on people of color, Trans, and indigenous women who don't get the media coverage that young white females get. They sell merchandise and donate proceeds to organizations like The DOE project and DNA funding for cold cases. I think this case was a anomaly in which the determination of the public helped find her but I can see how this can easily go south.
I had to unfollow House in Habit after the more meaningful FreeBritney posts had dwindled down and been replaced by strange hot takes about the vax and vague angry posting about people who were clearly trying to advocate for taking the vaccine. The last straw was when I saw deeply misogynist, body shaming, possibly anti pro choice content being casually posted. It was most disconcerting. Cast a shadow of doubt over all her pevious Britney post (and their motivations).
I definitely found myself interested in her case, mostly as someone who is interested in true crime, but I remember thinking the same thing when it came to how social media was talking about Gabby.
I’m not much older than she is, so naturally my social media channels consist of many 20-something year olds, and I often kept noticing about how it felt like the ones sharing info about Gabby’s story were turning it a guessing game of what would come next whenever they shared a new “update” from an unverified source or tweet. Of course, I did find myself getting sucked into the story as well, but it definitely made me uncomfortable reading how social media was handing it all - especially before the discovery of a body. I kept wondering why the same people on my friends lists who I know advocate so strongly for issues (especially regarding women’s safety) were suddenly making flippant comments about a missing girl’s life when it was still breaking news.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with us caring or wanting to share factual information about a case. But sometimes it feels like parts of social media forget that each missing person - whether they make headlines or not - is real and have a family or friends waiting for them.
I know without a doubt what caught my attention on this case, though it was after news stations picked it up. If you saw a picture of my 21 year old daughter, who loves camping and hiking with her bf, you’d understand. It’s going to strike a cord I can’t control when the missing girl resembles your child in several ways.
But I also didn’t go down the rabbit hole. I watched for info on accounts I already follow. And I’m not into true crime too much because more often than not, it’s such a sad ending. We recently had a missing toddler case here in my town that I knew would end badly. And it did. But one thing I noticed was how on top of everything people are. They were finding inconsistencies in her FB posts left and right. Unfortunately, for all the smart people who understand fact vs speculation, there are a bunch who see something and run with it, regardless of its veracity. But that’s like all things in life, even in person investigations. For all the good the internet and social media can do (found a grown up, long lost nephew via FB), there’s a lot of bad. We just need to better educate our children….hopefully that’s doable. I’m
I'm not particularly a true crime follower/fan, but when this story popped up in my feed (via various sources), I immediately thought, "Well, she's dead and he probably killed her." I appreciate all the insights people have shared - and unfortunately, it's not new that we as a society follow the saga of the missing white woman and ignore the stories of BIPOC (the first one that popped into my head was Laci Peterson, which was all over the news when I was in grad school). I wish I had more insightful commentary, but the whole ordeal just makes me sad, for Gabby's family, and for all the other families who want their sons/daughters/brothers/sisters to be found.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. You made so many great points, which will personally make me more aware going forward.
Because they were documenting their trip on social media, somewhere along the way I had the thought the disappearance might be a prank which could be turned into a movie. That was my optimistic outcome and hope. I wonder if the pressure to produce watchable content added to the strain of their relationship. Perhaps if they could have focused on each other this tragedy could have been avoided. Social media has impacted too many in a negative way.
I have absolutely no interest in this case. What DOES fascinate me is the fact that a young white girl goes missing and the world cares. The young white boyfriend is not immediately considered a suspect and is allowed to roam free. If these were Black people the boyfriend would have been in handcuffs from the word go, if anyone bothered looking for her in the first place.
I had seen a headline about the case, but didn't follow until I saw you talking about it in your stories, and then followed your link to the other woman who was sharing lots in her stories. I'm glad to see this post from you because the whole thing made me feel REALLY icky. While true that some of the attention may ultimately prove to be helpful, it's also very exploitive and I can only imagine what the family must feel. I know there are tons of people that love true crime, but there's a big difference between learning about a past case vs. actively playing detective and spreading guesses and heresay.
Additionally, the woman who was sharing a lot in her stories mentioned that 1) one of her relatives was a missing person for a couple decades and 2) she didn't want to talk about it. It was jarring to see her say she DIDN'T want to talk about the case close to her while she was ACTIVELY speculating on the Petito case.
The internet and social media have benefits. But this one, whew. It feels very uncomfortable and I ache for those closely involved who may have had to watch the internet play detective (10% helpful, 90% not) with their own daughter.
I just subscribed! I realized that every email I get from everything else, I save for later to read but when I see you in my inbox I read it right away and can’t put it down! About the article- I heard about this story last week but right away I saw a post from someone I follow, girlwithnopresident, who questioned why everyone is so interested in gabby and not any other bipoc person that’s ever been missing. She even had a picture posted of a Black woman and asked why there was no news coverage on her. After that, I didn’t actively search for information on the Gabby case. I did hear updates on her disappearance but really tried to not get involved. The effects of 2020 and George Floyd really changed something in me and I feel like I don’t have any other white woman to talk to about my new found awareness. I know that you, Ilana, have also become more aware as well and I feel really good about joining this group.
I admin a relatively large Facebook group (I'm kind of a big deal /s ) and like so many others I was also obsessively following the Petito case. I shared a post from Gabby's family in the group, thinking that sharing is caring and unaware of the eye opening backlash i was about to receive.
Several hundred comments later, I have come to understand Missing White Woman Syndrome and the real issues that surround media and missing persons cases. I am ashamed to say that it really never crossed my mind until then, but I am glad to now have the opportunity to correct myself. While I dont believe that Gabby's race was the only reason her story drew so much attention, I do think it played a significant role.
After speaking with several group members that were willing to have an adult conversation about the issue, we have agreed to begin a weekly segment in group to feature several missing persons cases that haven't been seen covered by the media. Indigenous, trans, POC and other marginalized individuals go missing every single day and don't see a fraction of the attention that Gabbys did. Thats not okay. Every missing person equally deserves to be found, and every family deserves closure.
I admit to doing everything that you wrote here in terms of the need to be fed with the "latest update" on this case. And it makes me wonder if someone who is not as privileged (read: young good-looking marginally well-off white person) would receive the same amount of traction as this one. Our understanding of real life cases is so warped and inspired by our entertainment quotient that it ceases to become a legitimate curiosity to know the unknown. It just ends up being just another news that will keep us engaged for a while till it dies a quiet death and then onto the next one (just like news channels tbh).
I admire that you didn't try to justify your need to have followed it (all of us did!) but felt that it should stop. Thank you for this article, Ilana!
Thank you for the wonderful insights, Ilana. I am not into True Crime type stories or shows and only read a little bit about Gabby after you posted.
No doubt the fact that Gabby was known on social media brought attention to her case and will help convict the alleged murderer if that's what happened. But it is sad that her social media presence did not *prevent* her death.
Why don't we hear about missing people of all races? It is not that the average American does not care. We need better solutions for this, but I don't know what they are. I suspect a newscast could spend the entire hour showing us the faces of the missing. Perhaps that would be more productive than the regular news.
I am sure one aspect that suppresses the information about missing people is that we would rather just not know, or, even if we wanted to, it's hard to even understand or accept how many "bad people" there really are in the world.
Great piece Ilana! As someone who’s not a US resident, I find some of the details confusing. How is it possible for the boy’s parents to refuse to cooperate with the police? I hadn’t realised that US citizens could pick and choose if they wanted to be questioned on the details of an active investigation. Certainly makes me wonder about all the unarmed black men killed by the police…..
Thank you for making me more aware of who the 'sleuths' on social media might really be and the rabbit holes they are leading us to. I watched an interview with John Walsh this morning on GMA and he firmly believes that the public will solve this case and find the boyfriend...John is going to feature this story on his show "America's Most Wanted" this week. He did not hold back any of his feelings or thoughts. If only we could find others who are missing...