I really struggled writing this post. I think it’s because I want to come off as some kind of social media expert, but as I was writing, I realized I’m also a victim. There are lots of topics to cover— like doomsday scrolling on Twitter, Instagram’s constant updates taking control away from their users, Tiktok’s algorithm targeting my precise secrets and fears, conspiracy stuff creeping into mainstream outlets, etc. etc. It’s all starting to take a toll on me. I used to be able to scroll with a certain detachment, but I find myself actively avoiding certain subjects because I don’t think my mental health can handle it. And I’m not someone who ever thought they had mental health issues before. I fear that the combination of the content and the mechanics of how it’s delivered are colliding in a way that’s just making everything feel particularly bleak. I kept asking Leah as I was writing—
Ilana, this is quite profound. You put into words how I’ve been feeling for quite some time. I’m horrified by how much time I spend on my phone and how empty I feel afterward. I highly recommend reading “Digital Minimalism” by Cal Newport. It covers a lot of these problems. I’m actively trying to read more books (real, physical books! Not on a screen!) and practice uninterrupted focus, like exercising a muscle in order to make it stronger.
Oh Ilana you always are able to put into words what so many of us are feeling. I’ve been doom scrolling way too much and am also starting to think I need therapy, have ADHD and should be investing in real estate, thanks to the algorithm. This has inspired me to do a clear out of accounts I follow on Insta and get back to content I want to engage with.
Thanks for summing it up so eloquently. This week I was thinking that it's good school starts next week, because I'll be too busy/tired to get sucked into the apps. I agree about the Wordle & friends games. Reading an engrossing, escapist book can be helpful, too!
Aug 6, 2022·edited Aug 6, 2022Liked by Ilana Wiles
Ilana, I can’t tell you how much I enjoy your writing. It somehow always feels like the caliber of an Atlantic or Vanity Fair article, while also feeling like a deep, satisfying conversation with a friend. What you’ve written here made me feel seen, and made me feel the need to reflect on both my consumption of social media and it’s effect on me personally and society at large. I have a lot to think about. Thank you.
Ok, superficially, thank you for telling me how to train TikTok! There are a few creators I used to see all the time on it that I haven’t seen in awhile, I need to search them up. But being able to tell it that I’m not interested in a video seems very helpful.
I get so mad at myself when I discover I have been mindlessly watching reels on IG, I eventually can tell cause the quality is just not as good as TikTok. It’s nearly impossible to not get sucked in!
I don’t know if you already follow her on IG, but one source that has been a really good positive add to my day is Sharon McMahon @sharonsaysso. She presents daily political events in a very non-partisan way and her goal is to educate so that people can make informed decisions. It’s a breath of fresh air, truly.
I used to love reading books. I still do but I find I can’t do it with the same attention anymore. Ever since the pandemic I feel like I’ve fallen into my phone. I looooooved tiktok when I first got on the app. But now it’s so serious or depressing because I keep screwing up my algorithm. I’m tempted to do a reset by starting a new account claiming to be a 20 something year old woman haha.
This is such a thoughtful piece and a really important one. Thank you so much for writing it.
You have so eloquently communicated what I think a lot of us our feeling. Tank you! I love your content.
I have to fan girl for a minute... when you responded to my DM I was thrilled. I even gushed about it to my boyfriend. So please keep conversing with your readers bc I bet a lot of them feel the same way.
Totally can relate to this post. I just recently went through accounts I follow and had myself a little unfollow spree - it helped change my feed a bit and I see more content I want to see. I never succumbed to Tiktok and plan on staying away from it. As a photographer, I hate that posting photos has taken such a backseat to reels and video. I try to make slideshow reels from time to time but it just isn’t the same.
I miss when Instagram was just for pictures and FB for connecting with family and friends.
My biggest pitfall on Instagram isn't exposure to propoganda or fear mongering (though it happens), but instead, envy for the lifestyle other people are living (or at least depicting in their photos). I unfollowed multiple account a few years ago (including mommyshorts) because I was constantly feeling down about not being able to provide my own kids with the same kinds of experiences their kids had - taking their kids on sponsored trips, visiting the latest pop up exhibit in town, Disney vacation after Disney vacation. Now I still check in with them (and I still adore following mommyshorts), but I make it a conscious decision and only do it when I know it won't send me into a jealousy spiral.
You are most surely not crazy. I really appreciate how clearly you articulated this slippery slope we’ve been on. Part of the reason I’m loving Substack is that it takes me back to the RSS days, when my “feed” was a straight-up queue of posts from writers I enjoyed. And it was completely separate from my private interactions with friends. My favorite “social network” is the collection of ongoing text/Signal/WhatsApp threads and Phone/Zoom/FaceTime calls I have with loved ones. No more moshing everyone and everything together on social media so it can be mined for profit and interspersed with ads.
I could not relate at all to any of these fears and dark sides and here’s why.. I don’t have TikTok and while on Instagram I only look and peoples stories. I even skip the ones who over post. I don’t consume the news and rarely scroll on Instagrams feed. When I do I look at cute pets and yummy recipes. Other than that I put my phone down and got to sleep. I rather watch a show on prime in bed than scroll aimlessly. Love the changes you have made for your sanity.. There is a saying that the eyes are the windows to the soul, so let’s take control back over our soul by consuming less of this dark stuff.
I took a couple of months off FB and Instagram. I deactivated the accounts (not deleted). When I came back, the content was ok, but it's amazing how quickly it went back to niche "interests" they think I have. And without spending a ton of time consuming and "liking" the content I'm really into to make the algorithm "better", I can't do anything about it. It makes me want to spend less time on social media. I wish there were a platform with the features customers actually want and a little added bit to make it self-sustaining on the business end. 😕
When I first read your post it reminded me of the Social Dilemma. I watched that based on your recommendation a couple years back. What I remember were the techs saying that even they had trouble with the addiction. Even THEY had trouble pulling back and turning it all off. That has stayed with me. I think about that often. I regularly Mari Kondo my social media space. Is X bringing me joy? If not, it goes. If I'm up until crazy hours, I delete the apps and log off so I have to make the effort. I can’t tiktok. I Marco Polo with my oldest friend who doesn’t have an iPhone who likes to send me all the videos of the backyard cats. I like Facebook because my church ladies over 70 keep tabs on our family that way. They like the photos and it is a platform they are on. I’ve stopped reposting articles and memes because that just tells the algorithm I want more of that and that doesn’t bring me joy. When I realized that I was spending more time on Facebook because I liked reading the news articles from two major newspapers I followed, I decided to spend a small amount and just get proper digital subscriptions. Now I go to their websites directly. I loved instagram for the photos and truthfully, I’ve been bummed by the reels. I also am human and the reels suck me in. I find myself saying, “no more than three reels and then you’re done.” It's hard. I try to engage more personally with the content providers and businesses I follow on IG so that the algorithm shows me more of them. I will say that having a more diverse feed - not just white women living their best lives - I see a difference for sure. There’s a lot less doom. There's less of the political roller coaster. I do think that’s likely because they have lived trauma their whole lives. There’s also a lot less social media performance. The people I follow don’t just put up a black box or say the latest incantation to prove their social justice credentials. I see them actually doing the work - like your microfundraising for example. It's just an organic part of how they live their lives. I think part of my responsibility as a human is to just check in and see if what I’m taking in is in line with my values. If not, adjustments need to be made. Am I cranky after scrolling? That's information. Taking in that which spiritually exhausts me isn’t mine to carry or fix. I cannot solve the world’s problems. I do my work in the world and there is a way for me to be responsibly aware of what is going on without compromising myself. It’s definately a practice. Thank you so much for shining a light on this. The conversation is long overdue.
So glad I found your Substack. My wife and I have been following you on Instagram for years now, and this whole post is exactly what we've been dealing with lately.
And it's crazy, we literally just had a conversation about this:
"Over on Twitter, I’ve made an effort to find the comedians and mom bloggers who used to fill my feed before 2016. And when I see a funny tweet on the same day as something horrible, instead of thinking, “Wow, you are so tone deaf, don’t you know what’s happening in the world????” I think, this person probably knows exactly what is going on and needs to maintain their sanity too."
Wow. So well articulated and well written. Thank you for sharing your POV. As my kids are getting older, I’m finding other people’s perspectives on babies/children far less interesting. I have also become acutely aware of how my social media sharing impacts my kids’ privacy. I’ve backed myself out. Thinking of this on a more global scale is even more eye opening. Thank you again for sharing.
Ilana, this is quite profound. You put into words how I’ve been feeling for quite some time. I’m horrified by how much time I spend on my phone and how empty I feel afterward. I highly recommend reading “Digital Minimalism” by Cal Newport. It covers a lot of these problems. I’m actively trying to read more books (real, physical books! Not on a screen!) and practice uninterrupted focus, like exercising a muscle in order to make it stronger.
Oh Ilana you always are able to put into words what so many of us are feeling. I’ve been doom scrolling way too much and am also starting to think I need therapy, have ADHD and should be investing in real estate, thanks to the algorithm. This has inspired me to do a clear out of accounts I follow on Insta and get back to content I want to engage with.
Thanks for summing it up so eloquently. This week I was thinking that it's good school starts next week, because I'll be too busy/tired to get sucked into the apps. I agree about the Wordle & friends games. Reading an engrossing, escapist book can be helpful, too!
Ilana, I can’t tell you how much I enjoy your writing. It somehow always feels like the caliber of an Atlantic or Vanity Fair article, while also feeling like a deep, satisfying conversation with a friend. What you’ve written here made me feel seen, and made me feel the need to reflect on both my consumption of social media and it’s effect on me personally and society at large. I have a lot to think about. Thank you.
Ok, superficially, thank you for telling me how to train TikTok! There are a few creators I used to see all the time on it that I haven’t seen in awhile, I need to search them up. But being able to tell it that I’m not interested in a video seems very helpful.
I get so mad at myself when I discover I have been mindlessly watching reels on IG, I eventually can tell cause the quality is just not as good as TikTok. It’s nearly impossible to not get sucked in!
I don’t know if you already follow her on IG, but one source that has been a really good positive add to my day is Sharon McMahon @sharonsaysso. She presents daily political events in a very non-partisan way and her goal is to educate so that people can make informed decisions. It’s a breath of fresh air, truly.
I used to love reading books. I still do but I find I can’t do it with the same attention anymore. Ever since the pandemic I feel like I’ve fallen into my phone. I looooooved tiktok when I first got on the app. But now it’s so serious or depressing because I keep screwing up my algorithm. I’m tempted to do a reset by starting a new account claiming to be a 20 something year old woman haha.
This is such a thoughtful piece and a really important one. Thank you so much for writing it.
You have so eloquently communicated what I think a lot of us our feeling. Tank you! I love your content.
I have to fan girl for a minute... when you responded to my DM I was thrilled. I even gushed about it to my boyfriend. So please keep conversing with your readers bc I bet a lot of them feel the same way.
Totally can relate to this post. I just recently went through accounts I follow and had myself a little unfollow spree - it helped change my feed a bit and I see more content I want to see. I never succumbed to Tiktok and plan on staying away from it. As a photographer, I hate that posting photos has taken such a backseat to reels and video. I try to make slideshow reels from time to time but it just isn’t the same.
I miss when Instagram was just for pictures and FB for connecting with family and friends.
My biggest pitfall on Instagram isn't exposure to propoganda or fear mongering (though it happens), but instead, envy for the lifestyle other people are living (or at least depicting in their photos). I unfollowed multiple account a few years ago (including mommyshorts) because I was constantly feeling down about not being able to provide my own kids with the same kinds of experiences their kids had - taking their kids on sponsored trips, visiting the latest pop up exhibit in town, Disney vacation after Disney vacation. Now I still check in with them (and I still adore following mommyshorts), but I make it a conscious decision and only do it when I know it won't send me into a jealousy spiral.
You are most surely not crazy. I really appreciate how clearly you articulated this slippery slope we’ve been on. Part of the reason I’m loving Substack is that it takes me back to the RSS days, when my “feed” was a straight-up queue of posts from writers I enjoyed. And it was completely separate from my private interactions with friends. My favorite “social network” is the collection of ongoing text/Signal/WhatsApp threads and Phone/Zoom/FaceTime calls I have with loved ones. No more moshing everyone and everything together on social media so it can be mined for profit and interspersed with ads.
I could not relate at all to any of these fears and dark sides and here’s why.. I don’t have TikTok and while on Instagram I only look and peoples stories. I even skip the ones who over post. I don’t consume the news and rarely scroll on Instagrams feed. When I do I look at cute pets and yummy recipes. Other than that I put my phone down and got to sleep. I rather watch a show on prime in bed than scroll aimlessly. Love the changes you have made for your sanity.. There is a saying that the eyes are the windows to the soul, so let’s take control back over our soul by consuming less of this dark stuff.
I took a couple of months off FB and Instagram. I deactivated the accounts (not deleted). When I came back, the content was ok, but it's amazing how quickly it went back to niche "interests" they think I have. And without spending a ton of time consuming and "liking" the content I'm really into to make the algorithm "better", I can't do anything about it. It makes me want to spend less time on social media. I wish there were a platform with the features customers actually want and a little added bit to make it self-sustaining on the business end. 😕
I wish you hadn’t put in the line about the mom in the garbage bag. I didn’t need that in my life either, but there it is.
When I first read your post it reminded me of the Social Dilemma. I watched that based on your recommendation a couple years back. What I remember were the techs saying that even they had trouble with the addiction. Even THEY had trouble pulling back and turning it all off. That has stayed with me. I think about that often. I regularly Mari Kondo my social media space. Is X bringing me joy? If not, it goes. If I'm up until crazy hours, I delete the apps and log off so I have to make the effort. I can’t tiktok. I Marco Polo with my oldest friend who doesn’t have an iPhone who likes to send me all the videos of the backyard cats. I like Facebook because my church ladies over 70 keep tabs on our family that way. They like the photos and it is a platform they are on. I’ve stopped reposting articles and memes because that just tells the algorithm I want more of that and that doesn’t bring me joy. When I realized that I was spending more time on Facebook because I liked reading the news articles from two major newspapers I followed, I decided to spend a small amount and just get proper digital subscriptions. Now I go to their websites directly. I loved instagram for the photos and truthfully, I’ve been bummed by the reels. I also am human and the reels suck me in. I find myself saying, “no more than three reels and then you’re done.” It's hard. I try to engage more personally with the content providers and businesses I follow on IG so that the algorithm shows me more of them. I will say that having a more diverse feed - not just white women living their best lives - I see a difference for sure. There’s a lot less doom. There's less of the political roller coaster. I do think that’s likely because they have lived trauma their whole lives. There’s also a lot less social media performance. The people I follow don’t just put up a black box or say the latest incantation to prove their social justice credentials. I see them actually doing the work - like your microfundraising for example. It's just an organic part of how they live their lives. I think part of my responsibility as a human is to just check in and see if what I’m taking in is in line with my values. If not, adjustments need to be made. Am I cranky after scrolling? That's information. Taking in that which spiritually exhausts me isn’t mine to carry or fix. I cannot solve the world’s problems. I do my work in the world and there is a way for me to be responsibly aware of what is going on without compromising myself. It’s definately a practice. Thank you so much for shining a light on this. The conversation is long overdue.
So glad I found your Substack. My wife and I have been following you on Instagram for years now, and this whole post is exactly what we've been dealing with lately.
And it's crazy, we literally just had a conversation about this:
"Over on Twitter, I’ve made an effort to find the comedians and mom bloggers who used to fill my feed before 2016. And when I see a funny tweet on the same day as something horrible, instead of thinking, “Wow, you are so tone deaf, don’t you know what’s happening in the world????” I think, this person probably knows exactly what is going on and needs to maintain their sanity too."
Wow. So well articulated and well written. Thank you for sharing your POV. As my kids are getting older, I’m finding other people’s perspectives on babies/children far less interesting. I have also become acutely aware of how my social media sharing impacts my kids’ privacy. I’ve backed myself out. Thinking of this on a more global scale is even more eye opening. Thank you again for sharing.