Our First Summer Sending Both Kids Away to Camp

As most of you know from Instagram, Mazzy and Harlow are both in sleepaway camp right now. This is Mazzy’s third year (it would have been her 4th year if it wasn’t for the pandemic) and Harlow’s first. They are going to different camps for a variety of reasons that I will explain in a bit. Mazzy has always been an ideal sleepaway camp kid. She’s very independent, makes friends easily, loves adventure and according to her own admission, doesn’t experience one lick of homesickness. (I tried not to be too offended when she told me that.)

Harlow is a different story.

I honestly didn’t think we would send Harlow to sleepaway camp. She is much more attached to us as parents, has trouble sleeping on her own and expressed no interest in going. I have loved my single kid summers having quality time with just Harlow and figured that would just be our thing, but then our world kind of fell apart at the summer house, when the two families we hung out with out there both moved. Last summer, we took her to a gymnastics camp a few days a week, but it’s a few towns over so she made no friends near us. She’s too young to run around outside and find kids in the neighborhood and there is no one her age in our immediate area. Plus, I work during the day, so I can’t really make time to take her to different activities. We tried joining a beach club last summer, which she loved, but I wasn’t able to take her enough to make it worth the money. She ended up spending most of her time having playdates over facetime. Not ideal. Mike and I were really worried Harlow was going to be bored out of her mind this summer.

Then my sister told me that she was sending Jack to sleepaway camp this year and thought Harlow should join him. It made a lot of sense. In addition to giving her something to do over the summer, it would also give her the opportunity to form friendships with more kids her age. Her new school is really small and although it’s great for her academically, sometimes I worry that it’s really limiting her social circle. And I love the idea of her being exposed to a bunch of new outdoor activities that she doesn’t have access to in the city— like boating, archery and tennis. And there’s no question that Harlow would benefit from an extended time period with no screens. Sometimes I think she is more obsessed with her iPad than Mazzy.

When we first suggested it, Harlow wasn’t on board. Her interpretation was that we wanted to get rid of her for the summer. She can be brutal when she wants to be! But I explained that wasn’t it. “I would LOVE you to stay home, but I think YOU would have more fun at camp.” I told her I wouldn’t force her to go, I just wanted her to keep an open mind.

We looked at a video online of the camp that my sister is sending Jack. Honestly, the video looked so amazing that it made me want to go. I could tell she was really into it, but then towards the end, the voiceover said it was a 7 week camp. Harlow flipped out.

“SEVEN WEEKS!!! YOU WANT TO GET RID OF ME FOR SEVEN WEEKS????”

She stormed off to her room. I shouted after her.

“Harlow, I told you— I will not force you to go to sleepaway camp if you don’t want to go.”

She turned back to me, tears streaming down her face, and screamed, “BUT NOW I THINK IT LOOKS REALLY FUN, BUT I DON’T WANT TO GO FOR SEVEN WEEKS!!!”

“Okay, so we will look for camps that have shorter sessions.”

I talked to my friend Pam (the sleepaway consultant that I’ve written about before) and told her our parameters— we wanted a structured, nurturing environment with tons of activities, including theater, dance and gymnastics, that has an option for a half session. Pam gave us a short list of possibilities (it was helpful that we did our research early in the year so all the camps still had spots) and we found one that Harlow really loved with an option for a three week session. Since Mazzy goes for five weeks, that still gives Harlow two weeks of quality one-on-one time with mom and dad. Honestly, I think she is most excited about having Frankie to herself. She also convinced her friend Harriet to come with her.

So, how’s it going? In a word, AMAZING. It couldn’t be better. Once Harlow made the decision to go, she did not look back and I was not at all worried about her. I can’t really explain it, but I knew she would thrive there. And I was right.

The camp sends photos three times a day and Harlow appears to be having the time of her life. That was confirmed when we had our first phone call last week. I have never heard her sound happier. Her bunk is eight girls her age who are all new this year and it sounds like they have become a really tight group. I’m thrilled that she is having such a great time, not just for the impact it has had on this summer, but for the impact it could have on her future summers. When you find a good camp, where your kid thrives, you send them back summer after summer, with the same group of kids. Camp becomes almost more about seeing your friends than it does about the camp itself. I have so many grown up friends who still count their camp friends as some of their closest friends.

I mean, just look at Mazzy leaving for her third summer at camp! As soon as we arrived at the bus stop, she saw people she knew and it was like camp had already started.

Growing up in New York City can be hard because, as we’ve learned, it’s a temporary home for many people. Maybe it’s summer camp that will give both my kids some much needed friendship stability.

I asked if you guys had any questions on Instagram and here are answers to some of the most common questions!

Is this long of a sleepaway camp common? I’m from (the South, West Coast, Midwest, Australia) and I’ve never seen camp culture like this!

Sleepaway camp is pretty common in the Northeast. It’s also very popular with Jewish families, but neither of their camps is Jewish specifically. The most common length for summer camp is seven weeks, but you can also find camps for shorter sessions. Mazzy’s camp is broken up into four 2 and 3 week sessions, which was our preference when we first started, but now I wish we had selected a camp with longer sessions because Mazzy prefers to stay for two sessions (five weeks total), and there is a high turnover with each session. She basically has to start over with mostly new people for her second session. Harlow’s camp has the majority of kids staying for six weeks, but there is an option to go home at the halfway point, so she is currently in the minority.

How did the girls (and you!) choose their camps? Why are they at different camps?

For Mazzy, we went to a camp fair to look at a different camp, and she chose this one instead, which is a small family run camp. We wanted her to look at more, but she was pretty adamant that this was where she wanted to go. The amount of choice and focus on camp values (like integrity and kindness) appealed to her. I also think she liked that it was on the smaller side. We liked that it offered short sessions and was less expensive, plus we got a good feeling from the owner and talked to a few returning families that spoke highly of the experience.

For Harlow, I wanted to send her to a more structured, nurturing environment, and to be perfectly honest, a camp that was a bit more high end. Harlow is very picky with food and a bit of a neat freak, and I just didn’t think she was going to be comfortable at Mazzy’s camp, which has less amenities. I also don’t think she would fare well at a camp with as much freedom as Mazzy. The camp we chose for Harlow isn’t a fancy camp by any means, but the facilities and bunks are definitely newer and nicer than Mazzy’s camp. Plus, they offer swim instruction and gymnastics, which they don’t offer at Mazzy’s. We also wanted to send her somewhere that didn’t have as high turnover between sessions. Ideally, Harlow will decide to go for six weeks next summer.

We found Harlow’s camp by using my friend Pam who is a camp consultant and giving her a very specific list of criteria. Pam gave us a few options that met our specifications and Harlow chose from there. We all looked at the videos on the camp websites, narrowed down our selections and then had calls with the camps where Harlow could ask questions. She asked about everything from breakfast options to how long she could use her flashlight at night. We could not be happier with her chosen camp. It seems to be the perfect environment for Harlow.

How long is summer break? Do you have time for family stuff too?

Summer break is three months so there is plenty of time for family stuff. They get out of school in mid-June and go back in mid-September. They are basically gone for July, so we still have all of August as a family of four at the summer house. We will also probably do a family trip in June when they get out of school each year. This year we went to Bethany Beach for their cousin’s Bat Mitzvah.

Are the camps religiously affiliated/is this just a Jewish culture thing?

The camps are not affiliated with any Jewish programs, but there is definitely a large number of Jewish families who send their kids to camp. Mazzy’s camp, for whatever reason, does not have a very large Jewish population. Harlow’s camp offers kosher options and celebrates Shabbat for those kids who require that. There are also camps that cater specifically to Jewish families.

Are camps like these mostly on the East Coast or are there any in the Midwest/other places across America?

I can’t speak for the rest of America, but it seems to me like these kind of camps exist mainly in the Northeast. We know families who send their kids to camp in upstate New York, Connecticut, Pennsylvania, New Hampshire and Maine.

What age do kids start going to camp?

Both Mazzy and Harlow started in the summer before 5th grade, at age 9. This seems like a good time time to start because there are a bunch of kids starting together. Too early and you might deal with more homesickness, too late and you might be starting after most of the age group has already bonded. This is what happened to me when I went to summer camp. I was put in a bunk with an already established group of friends and I hated it.

Is it a themed camp, like for sports or theater, or is it all types of activities? Is it like the camps we see in movies like the Parent Trap?

Mazzy and Harlow both go to general camps, with tons of different activities. There are scheduled activities that you do as a bunk and then choice activities that you do in the afternoon. Mazzy picks her major every week so she can focus on one elective. This week, her major is trapeze. Harlow picks what they call a club activity and then that is her main focus in the afternoon. She currently picked theater and is rehearsing for a performance of Frozen. She told me she tried out for the part of Olaf, but was very happy to be cast as a snowflake. You can also find camps that focus on a particular sport or activity. After I didn’t fare well at regular camp, I ended up finding my footing at an arts camp.

Are camps co-ed?

Both of their camps are co-ed, but there are also single sex camps out there if you prefer.

Are they expensive?

Most camps are pretty expensive, but there is a range. Mazzy’s camp is considerably less expensive than Harlow’s camp. Plus, there is the option for shorter sessions at Mazzy’s camp, which makes it more economical for a broader range of families, and there are no camp uniform requirements which can add up. Harlow’s camp isn’t one of the fancier camps by any means, but there is a clear difference from Mazzy’s. You can see the difference in terms of facilities, food, accommodations and number of staff. It also seems like Harlow’s camp has more field trips— like to the movies and a waterpark. Also, Harlow’s camp has their stuff sent up early and then they set it all up for them (I think this is just for the younger kids), whereas Mazzy takes it up on the bus and unpacks herself. That all being said, Mazzy picked her camp herself and it appears to be the right fit for her. She loves it.

Do you get to visit?

We were supposed to! But both visiting days got canceled due to Covid surges. We were really disappointed, but ultimately it was a good thing, because I got Covid and wouldn’t have been able to go anyway. That would have been truly devastating! Instead, we got zoom sessions with both kids. They were bummed they didn’t get to see us in person, but it didn’t seem to impact how much fun they are having while they are away.

What kind of contact do you have with them while they’re away? Do they have their phones?

For Harlow, we will get to talk three times, plus the zoom session on visiting day. Calls are audio from the camp office and the zoom session was conducted with an iPad that they supplied. They also sent home videos of the kids giving a tour of their bunk. For Mazzy, we get to talk over facetime 3X plus visiting day. She has her phone there, but they keep it in the office, only available for calls. Last year, we didn’t let her take her phone even though it was an option, but that meant that her visiting day was spent calling from the camp office, while the kids with phones got to take them around camp and show their parents everything. So this year, we let her take the phone. It also means that we got to text on the bus ride up. Other than that, it’s just letters! I try to write them every day. Frankie writes too. You can also send email but they can only write regular letters back. So far, we’ve gotten three letters from each of them.

Do you usually go with people you know?

Every kid is different. Mazzy went on her own, made friends easily and loved it. Then she convinced a few of her friends to join her the following year. This year, those friends are coming back, plus she convinced her cousin to go. Harlow would have gone on her own, but ended up going with her friend Harriet, which I think worked out great for her. It seems like they were a great support system for each other but also broke out and made lots of new friends. I think going with a friend is great for a little extra security, as long as it’s with the right friend. I wouldn’t have wanted Harlow to go with her best friend from school, because I think they would have been too exclusive together, but I love that she is there with a good friend from her old school so that they will continue to have the camp connection to bond them together. Also, Harriet’s mom is one of my closest friends!

How do you pack for this long, and what do you send it in? Why send the stuff ahead of time?

There is a very long list of stuff to send and packing can be quite overwhelming. Especially since both kids went to different camps with different timing and different lists. Although, sometimes I think people make a bigger deal about packing then the task really requires. My sister got me so nervous this year, packing way ahead of time and organizing all this additional stuff that wasn’t on the list, she almost gave me a panic attack thinking that I was totally unprepared with no way to catch up. Then I spent the next day putting everything together and it was fine. The two things you really need to order ahead of time are camp uniform items (Harlow’s camp isn’t uniform but they do require a bunch of items with the camp logo) and name labels. For Harlow, you send up the bags ahead of time because they set up your stuff for you when you get there. We were away the day they picked up the bags, so we drove them up ourselves, which was a great way to see the camp ahead of time. For Mazzy, she brings her bags with her on the bus and unpack themselves. They both packed two big bags— one bag for clothes/stationary/games and one bag for bedding, towels, toiletries, etc.

How does laundry work?

I think they do laundry once a week. They each pack a big laundry bag, but I’m not sure if the stuff comes back separate or all together with the rest of the bunk. When I went to camp, it was all together and they would pour it out into the middle of the floor and everyone would sort through it together. This is why everything you send to camp has to be labeled with their name. It’s also smart to pack all the same interchangeable socks, so it doesn’t matter if one goes missing!

What happens if they get homesick?

At Mazzy’s camp, you can go to the nurse to get “homesick pills” which are also known as Skittles. I only know this because Mazzy sometimes lies about homesickness to get candy. At Harlow’s camp, they can talk to a counsellor or find support from a friend. I think Harlow and Harriet have helped each other this way, and I heard that they have a special place on the porch for private chats. We were told that the counselors are really good about making sure everyone is asleep before they go to sleep, and checking on the kids to make sure they are adjusting okay.

What is the timeline to search and then sign kids up? Fall? Winter?

I would start looking now for next summer. It’s never too early if you want all your options open. I think we signed up for the summer back in February. Spots really start disappearing around March.

We’re reluctant to send my 8yo because we worry about bullying, homesickness, sexual abuse, harassment, and other horrible things happening. How do you know it’s safe?

Sleepaway camp requires a leap of faith and for some parents, that’s just not possible. From our experience, sleepaway camps are very safe, nurturing environments and have come a really long way in making sure the kids adjust emotionally. They have a lot trained professionals on staff in both camps. I experienced a lot of bullying at my first sleepaway camp, which was honestly devastating and had long term effects. But this was because they put me in a bunk with all returning campers that were already a tight group. I don’t think they would ever do that to a kid now. I would talk to the camp about what they do in those types of scenarios and how they work to prevent them, before you make your decision. As far as sexual abuse, I have never heard of that happening at this type of camp. They have four counselors per bunk, and a head counselor that checks in every night.

My kid is deeply anxious but I know he’ll have a great time — any advice to convince him to get over the hump of nervousness?

That was Harlow. Showing her the camp videos really helped. I would watch a few on your own first. You know if they will appeal to your kid or not. Some of the videos are like movie trailers of fun camp stuff, set to music that really makes it seem like it’s going to be the time of your life. For us, that’s what did it. I would also see if he has friend that would want to join. I’m not sure Harriet would have opted to go if it wasn’t for Harlow!

How do you take care of yourself while the girls are gone/soothe your mama bear anxiety?

I am not someone that gets particularly worried about something bad happening, but I do miss them a lot. The thing that really makes it worth it though is that it feels like you are giving yourself a break from parenting, while also doing something amazing for them. You are giving them an experience that will grow their independence, teach them new skills, expand their sense of adventure and help them make relationships to last a lifetime. I mean, the break from screen time alone makes me feel like I’m doing something monumentally good in the parenting department.

And if that’s not enough to distract you, take a couples vacation! This is the first time Mike and I have gone away by ourselves where it feels completely guilt-free. It’s the best. I hope you are all following my Iceland trip on Instagram!

If you have any other questions, please put them in the comments and I will try to answer them all! You can also contact my friend Pam through Instagram— @pambernstein. There is no fee, she gets a referral fee from whichever camp you choose.