It’s the last week of school for us and there is so much that has happened over the last couple of months to lead us into summer— Mazzy’s performance in Willy Wonka, Harlow’s dance recitals, class breakfasts, teacher gifts, final projects, packing for camp… It’s so much stuff that I’m having trouble picking what I want to write about today. Plus, I think many of you got your year end subscription renewal for Apparently, so I’d kinda like to call attention to my one year anniversary. Can you believe it’s officially been a year?? I hope you guys continue to stick around!
Please, please print this off and leave it on Harlow’s breakfast plate or on top of her already laid out clothes one morning. Like you said, this is an often unnoticed but such a valuable gift of Harlow being Harlow. I am so impressed that her school recognizes these core values with such esteem. Especially for a student like Harlow who has struggled with some of the academic components of school, being recognized for her level of responsibility is a wonderful way of acknowledging that there are many different types of “smart” that help each of us get through the world together and by ourselves. I also hope Harlow recognizes that a lot of her responsibility is also a sign of her thoughtfulness for others - making Mazzy breakfast to help YOU, remembering the birthdays of OTHERS and ensuring they are celebrated, using her money for gifts so she can select just the right one for her FRIEND. This forward thinking responsibility is not just about her but about others too. It reminds me a lot of how you’ve said previously Mike often fills in the gaps for you - making sure the kids backs were packed with what they needed for after school activities before you got them out the door, meal planning, etc. You two have always patented as a team and it is clearly evident in Harlow’s responsibility and thoughtfulness!
I got teary- eye because I feel so proud of Harlow! I'm so glad she got that award. My kids are NOT like that even though I'm trying to get them to take more responsibility. It's a good reminder to try to really SEE our kids for who they are because sometimes we miss things that are right in front of our eyes.
So glad you wrote this, Ilana, and I’m even that much more impressed with Harlow. What we see in the Instagram posts is a very animated, talented young girl who loves to express herself through dance. She apparently is so much more than what we see. To be that organized, thorough and reliable all demonstrate strong leadership skills. No wonder Ruth Bader Ginsburg is her hero! I’m so glad we will be able watch her grow into the lovely young woman she is meant to be.
Our school district has something called "Portrait of a Graduate". It is their goals of what the school district students and alumni should have when they leave. They begin working on it in the TLC (preschool) program all through school. They start giving awards for it at monthly assemblies, each month is a different characteristic of the portrait of a graduate, in elementary school. Last year my RAD 11 won for Kindness, this year for Responsibility. Really I think I know what a great kid we are raising, but it's always awesome when SHE and us get to hear it from others.
when i was like 12 or 13 i was at sleep away camp and we had this big day long relay race teams and each team had a boy and girl leader. i remember clapping along and when they said my name i was literally stunned. it was such a cool feeling that i remember it so clearly 20+ years later. i hope harlow can hold onto this memory like i have!
Go Harlow! We all think our kids are awesome, so it's extra special when that is validated by someone else! I had a similar experience earlier this year with my oldest who is 7. He decided this year he wanted to play ice hockey. Now, we are not a hockey family. My son just learned to skate at 5 and never played hockey before. The town we live in has a very competitive and robust hockey program and I'm fairly certain a good percentage of these kids were born with skates on their feet. I was a very clueless mom, and immediately felt regret. Did I mess up by not getting him on skates earlier? Should I have signed him up at 4 years old so he could be competitive? Let's just say, he was not the best one on the team. Regardless, he had a blast and the progression of skills I saw during the season was impressive. He was not a top scorer, but he was great on defense, supported his teammates, and got out there for every practice and game and tried his hardest. At the end of the season, his team actually won their version of the Stanley Cup. It was amazing and he was so excited! At the awards ceremony, they singled him out to win the 7th Player Award. This award goes to the kid who has had the best progression in skills during the season. The player that works hard every day for the good of the team without any expectation to be recognized. I nearly sobbed. I have no expectations he'll ever reach the NHL, so I look at these activities as building life skills. How could I not be so proud and thrilled to see that his efforts and work ethic were recognized. He didn't get all the glory scoring a dozen goals, but his team saw him as a contributor and recognized his hard work and improvement. We must all be doing something right!
She just sounds like the coolest kid! She’s an amazing dancer, incredibly responsible and also the essence of a New Yorker - sarcastic, dry sense of humor and sharp wit. I love it!
My 6 year would probably get an award for being perceptive. He sees absolutely everything, lately also which friends are struggling in the recess yard being bullied and then he tells me or a teacher, so we can act on it. I’m so proud of him.
My 2 year old would get an award for being Most Resilient. Kinda goes with the terf of being the youngest and born at the beginning of Covid😊
Go Harlow. I want to be like Harlow when I grow up!
My RAD9 would win Empathy, she's always so aware of other people's feelings. And my RAS4 would win Adaptability, he just goes with the flow where ever he is.
Congrats to Harlow! And to you and Mike!! I feel like you mentioned being at an event with Gretchen Rubin many, many years ago. I remember because I thought "my two favorite NYC writers!" Anyway, she has a "Four Tendencies Framework" that was so, so very helpful to me in interacting with my kids. And just working on myself with things. Not a personality test or anything like that. But how people respond to inner and outer expectations. None is good or bad or better than another, but just people are different, and knowing how they react to expectations is helpful in living together! Harlow would fall into the "Upholder" tendency, she has things to do - she off and does them without someone overseeing the work! The point of me writing this is I wonder if the tendency leads to the other things you have written about such as her high expectations for events/plans and how you were working on her not being disappointed and being open-minded to the reality. My kid is a questioner, he speaks in questions. And learning about this and using Rubin's framework has changed the quality of our relationship. I am not kidding. Just understanding how he thinks about expectations, others and his own, changed how I talk to him about those expectations. Less arguing and much smoother communication. Maybe you'd find it helpful too. Again, Congrats to Harlow! She has a bright future ahead!
I literally teared up when you listed all the things Harlow does for herself and others! I feel so proud of her and she is only a kid I know via the internet. ❤️
Kudos to Harlow! She takes responsibility and she doesn’t forget to have fun. She must have a great capability to structure tasks and prioritize them. A real talent that will serve her very well, het whole live. And being sassy like her, I expect no one will be able to take advantage of her and shoving their tasks to Harlow. She’s a great kid!
My girl would get an award for wisdom. She’s hyper sensitive to noise, loud kids, stress,… and a perfectionist, holding herself back sometimes. But she’s learned so much these last 2 years. To be mild with herself, to be patient, to see the silver lining to a dark cloud. To know that the sun will shine again. To know that her kindness to her friends has always been repaid in kind. I think that’s a great piece of life experience and while it’s sometimes hard to learn these lessons this young, I think her wisdom will help her during her entire life. Some of those things, I’m now learning with her at 40. So she makes a jump start! I’ve always told her: your heart is made of gold. I hope this message sticks :)
Wow, that's quite the list! Harlow is truly remarkable! (Mazzy too!) Rest assured you're an above average parent. ;) Thanks for sharing...I'm inspired to write a few lists of my own.
Thanks for sharing this. I needed this today. Focusing on what they are amazing at is way better than the arguing to get all the other stuff done tonight.
Harlow and Mazzy are such amazing kids, Ilana. They're so different, but so obviously sisters, and I've absolutely loved watching them grow up. You and Mike have done a wonderful job raising them...
Please, please print this off and leave it on Harlow’s breakfast plate or on top of her already laid out clothes one morning. Like you said, this is an often unnoticed but such a valuable gift of Harlow being Harlow. I am so impressed that her school recognizes these core values with such esteem. Especially for a student like Harlow who has struggled with some of the academic components of school, being recognized for her level of responsibility is a wonderful way of acknowledging that there are many different types of “smart” that help each of us get through the world together and by ourselves. I also hope Harlow recognizes that a lot of her responsibility is also a sign of her thoughtfulness for others - making Mazzy breakfast to help YOU, remembering the birthdays of OTHERS and ensuring they are celebrated, using her money for gifts so she can select just the right one for her FRIEND. This forward thinking responsibility is not just about her but about others too. It reminds me a lot of how you’ve said previously Mike often fills in the gaps for you - making sure the kids backs were packed with what they needed for after school activities before you got them out the door, meal planning, etc. You two have always patented as a team and it is clearly evident in Harlow’s responsibility and thoughtfulness!
I got teary- eye because I feel so proud of Harlow! I'm so glad she got that award. My kids are NOT like that even though I'm trying to get them to take more responsibility. It's a good reminder to try to really SEE our kids for who they are because sometimes we miss things that are right in front of our eyes.
So glad you wrote this, Ilana, and I’m even that much more impressed with Harlow. What we see in the Instagram posts is a very animated, talented young girl who loves to express herself through dance. She apparently is so much more than what we see. To be that organized, thorough and reliable all demonstrate strong leadership skills. No wonder Ruth Bader Ginsburg is her hero! I’m so glad we will be able watch her grow into the lovely young woman she is meant to be.
Our school district has something called "Portrait of a Graduate". It is their goals of what the school district students and alumni should have when they leave. They begin working on it in the TLC (preschool) program all through school. They start giving awards for it at monthly assemblies, each month is a different characteristic of the portrait of a graduate, in elementary school. Last year my RAD 11 won for Kindness, this year for Responsibility. Really I think I know what a great kid we are raising, but it's always awesome when SHE and us get to hear it from others.
Mazel harlow!!!!!! how amazing!
when i was like 12 or 13 i was at sleep away camp and we had this big day long relay race teams and each team had a boy and girl leader. i remember clapping along and when they said my name i was literally stunned. it was such a cool feeling that i remember it so clearly 20+ years later. i hope harlow can hold onto this memory like i have!
Go Harlow! We all think our kids are awesome, so it's extra special when that is validated by someone else! I had a similar experience earlier this year with my oldest who is 7. He decided this year he wanted to play ice hockey. Now, we are not a hockey family. My son just learned to skate at 5 and never played hockey before. The town we live in has a very competitive and robust hockey program and I'm fairly certain a good percentage of these kids were born with skates on their feet. I was a very clueless mom, and immediately felt regret. Did I mess up by not getting him on skates earlier? Should I have signed him up at 4 years old so he could be competitive? Let's just say, he was not the best one on the team. Regardless, he had a blast and the progression of skills I saw during the season was impressive. He was not a top scorer, but he was great on defense, supported his teammates, and got out there for every practice and game and tried his hardest. At the end of the season, his team actually won their version of the Stanley Cup. It was amazing and he was so excited! At the awards ceremony, they singled him out to win the 7th Player Award. This award goes to the kid who has had the best progression in skills during the season. The player that works hard every day for the good of the team without any expectation to be recognized. I nearly sobbed. I have no expectations he'll ever reach the NHL, so I look at these activities as building life skills. How could I not be so proud and thrilled to see that his efforts and work ethic were recognized. He didn't get all the glory scoring a dozen goals, but his team saw him as a contributor and recognized his hard work and improvement. We must all be doing something right!
She just sounds like the coolest kid! She’s an amazing dancer, incredibly responsible and also the essence of a New Yorker - sarcastic, dry sense of humor and sharp wit. I love it!
My 6 year would probably get an award for being perceptive. He sees absolutely everything, lately also which friends are struggling in the recess yard being bullied and then he tells me or a teacher, so we can act on it. I’m so proud of him.
My 2 year old would get an award for being Most Resilient. Kinda goes with the terf of being the youngest and born at the beginning of Covid😊
Somewhat relayed, somewhat not, but the book “Ordinary Insanity” by Sarah Menkedick comes to mom! It’s so good.
Go Harlow. I want to be like Harlow when I grow up!
My RAD9 would win Empathy, she's always so aware of other people's feelings. And my RAS4 would win Adaptability, he just goes with the flow where ever he is.
Congrats to Harlow! And to you and Mike!! I feel like you mentioned being at an event with Gretchen Rubin many, many years ago. I remember because I thought "my two favorite NYC writers!" Anyway, she has a "Four Tendencies Framework" that was so, so very helpful to me in interacting with my kids. And just working on myself with things. Not a personality test or anything like that. But how people respond to inner and outer expectations. None is good or bad or better than another, but just people are different, and knowing how they react to expectations is helpful in living together! Harlow would fall into the "Upholder" tendency, she has things to do - she off and does them without someone overseeing the work! The point of me writing this is I wonder if the tendency leads to the other things you have written about such as her high expectations for events/plans and how you were working on her not being disappointed and being open-minded to the reality. My kid is a questioner, he speaks in questions. And learning about this and using Rubin's framework has changed the quality of our relationship. I am not kidding. Just understanding how he thinks about expectations, others and his own, changed how I talk to him about those expectations. Less arguing and much smoother communication. Maybe you'd find it helpful too. Again, Congrats to Harlow! She has a bright future ahead!
I literally teared up when you listed all the things Harlow does for herself and others! I feel so proud of her and she is only a kid I know via the internet. ❤️
Kudos to Harlow! She takes responsibility and she doesn’t forget to have fun. She must have a great capability to structure tasks and prioritize them. A real talent that will serve her very well, het whole live. And being sassy like her, I expect no one will be able to take advantage of her and shoving their tasks to Harlow. She’s a great kid!
My girl would get an award for wisdom. She’s hyper sensitive to noise, loud kids, stress,… and a perfectionist, holding herself back sometimes. But she’s learned so much these last 2 years. To be mild with herself, to be patient, to see the silver lining to a dark cloud. To know that the sun will shine again. To know that her kindness to her friends has always been repaid in kind. I think that’s a great piece of life experience and while it’s sometimes hard to learn these lessons this young, I think her wisdom will help her during her entire life. Some of those things, I’m now learning with her at 40. So she makes a jump start! I’ve always told her: your heart is made of gold. I hope this message sticks :)
Wow, that's quite the list! Harlow is truly remarkable! (Mazzy too!) Rest assured you're an above average parent. ;) Thanks for sharing...I'm inspired to write a few lists of my own.
Amazing, Harlow! Ilana, I loved your post. Please save this for Harlow.
Thanks for sharing this. I needed this today. Focusing on what they are amazing at is way better than the arguing to get all the other stuff done tonight.
Harlow and Mazzy are such amazing kids, Ilana. They're so different, but so obviously sisters, and I've absolutely loved watching them grow up. You and Mike have done a wonderful job raising them...