How I Feel About Shifting to "Mask Optional" at School

I debated writing this post because I don’t have an extreme point of view. But maybe part of the problem is that less extreme opinions rarely have a platform. So, here goes…

Last weekend, we got emails from both Mazzy and Harlow’s schools— starting Monday they would both be mask optional, following the lead of the NYC public schools which made the leap the week prior. As a family, we felt comfortable with the news. Mazzy’s school is an 100% double vaccinated community (teachers boosted) and Harlow’s school is pretty close, except for those who have religious or medical exemptions. We gave our girls the choice of whether they wanted to wear masks or not.

Harlow squealed when she found out and immediately got on the phone with her friends. They decided they would all wear their masks to school and then throw them up in the air, graduation cap style.

Mazzy said she was going to wear her mask to school and see what other kids were doing. She would go with the majority. Normally, I like to encourage my kids to make their own decisions, but in this instance, I thought that was a great way to handle it. These past two years have taught us that the health of our community is as important as our own, so maybe Mazzy was exhibiting typical tween group think behavior or maybe she has learned an important lesson in acting as a community. Maybe it’s a little of both. In my own circles, we often arrive with masks and then take them off once we make sure everyone is okay with it.

I know masks can be a contentious topic, with one side arguing that masks have destroyed our personal freedoms and the other side arguing that acting selfishly is reckless and puts the lives of our health care workers, the immunocompromised and kids under five who can’t get vaccinated yet in harm’s way. Those are the positions that are the loudest, but from where I stand, most people are somewhere in the middle. There was a sketch on Saturday Night Live two weeks ago with a bunch of presumably liberal New Yorkers at a dinner party, who were afraid to say out loud that they agreed with removing the mask mandate. The joke was that by saying we don’t need them now, we were admitting we never needed them at all. I don’t think that’s the case. The fact is, in our area, we are not in the same position we were a year ago. COVID cases are low, the cases are less severe (especially amongst the vaccinated), and the large majority of our city is double vaccinated and boosted. Mazzy and Harlow’s schools are both for kindergarten and up, so there are no kids currently under five. I think I can be both ready for the mask mandate to be lifted and feel good about our willingness to wear them as a community thus far.

Our kids have been masked for two years now. They have been fine with it. I have been fine with it. I’m not going to speak for other parents, but I don’t think my kids suffered psychologically from it. They never complained. They even chose to wear masks outside when I told them it was no longer necessary. But it feels like it’s time for them to show their faces again. Things can of course change (I told my kids that a mandate could return at any time), but right now, I feel good about where our city is at and what are schools are doing to protect their communities. I also trust the people in charge and am happy to abide by their rules.

On Monday, I sent both girls off to school and told them to do whatever made them feel comfortable. Harlow came home and told me that there was a mix of masked and unmasked kids. She kept hers off. She said her teachers both wore masks except when they were up in front of the classroom teaching. She also told me that everyone took their masks off at outdoor recess for the first time. Mazzy told me that most kids wore their masks under their chins and put them up when they were in a larger group. She did the same. She said most teachers and students were unmasked throughout the day, but not all. By the end of the week, she had started wearing her mask around her wrist, instead of under her chin. We still both wore our masks on the subway for our school commute, as did all the other commuters.

I imagine we will continue to wear a mask on the subway and in stores for quite some time. I’ve certainly caught way less germs as a result, Covid or otherwise. I also have no problem wearing a mask if a specific event requests it, like at a movie screening I went to recently. I am also aware that by removing my mask amongst friends or strangers, I am assuming the risk of catching COVID. I am comfortable with that. Not only are the symptoms less severe for vaccinated adults, the required time to quarantine is less restrictive.

Last weekend, I took Harlow to her first normal birthday party. It was inside, the entire class was invited and all the parents were in attendance. The birthday girl even blew out the candles. I had a moment when I wanted to leap in and make sure Harlow didn’t have any cake, but then I thought— screw it. It’s good. The kids were so happy to be running around together, acting normally. Many of the parents were meeting each other for the first time, after our kids have been together at school for over a year. I made so many connections that day— I met two moms in my new neighborhood, met a dad who carpools his daughter to the same gymnastics class as Harlow and talked to a group of parents about instituting a cut-off time for facetime. I forgot how much can be accomplished when all the parents are together at a birthday party!

Yesterday, on the way home from volleyball, Mazzy asked me if we could go shopping for make-up. She had gone to a friends house who had shown her how to apply highlighter and wanted to get a few items for herself. She wanted blush, highlighter and mascara. “Just to do something natural and simple.” When it comes to make-up, I used to be a hard no, thinking she was too young and it was unnecessary. I was worried about her feeling like she had to live up to a certain beauty standard. But now, after hiding under a mask for so long, I’m happy Mazzy is feeling confident and wants to show her face to the world.

I’m even happier that she’s going to be able to see the world smiling back.

What are the rules in your area? Did your kids’ schools also go mask optional in the last couple of weeks? How are you feeling about it?

Apparently is a newsletter by Ilana Wiles. If you’ve been enjoying it for free, please consider supporting it financially by upgrading your subscription! As a paid subscriber, you’ll get access to my “close friends” group on Instagram, my “Big Kid Support Group” (so far we’ve discussed puberty, cell phones rules and gender identity) and all past TV Club discussions.