Everyone's On Summer Vacation Except Me

Currently, Mazzy wants to go to Target and Harlow wants to bake a cake. Neither of these things are possible because I have a laundry list of deliverables for clients that are due. Yes, I know, I am sitting here writing this blog post instead of doing any of those things… But, you see, I am really excited about the potential of this newsletter, spent the entire week writing a post that was ready to go and then upon a re-read this morning, realized it was too depressing and needs more work. I don’t want this to be the mid-life crisis newsletter! That would be no fun at all.

So. I set that post aside and decided to write about my current situation. The Target Vs. Cake Vs. Client Deliverables Conundrum.

To be honest, I should have taken this week off. It’s the first week the kids are off from school, we moved out to the house for the summer and my stepbrother is visiting with his kids all week. It’s that small stretch of time between school ending and camp starting, when my kids forget that mom still has to work to do. It happens every year, but I always forget to plan for it. I’m on the laptop at the kitchen table during breakfast, trying to read a contract while everyone else is chatting, fielding calls while on a family hike, locking myself in my bedroom to film a sponsored video while muffled sounds of splashing and laughing drift up from the pool through the window, etc. I’m in this weird place where everyone else in my house is on vacation except for me.

Case in point. This looks like a nice picture of everyone about to go kayaking.

That’s only half true. It’s also a picture of me running outside to quickly take a picture of everyone going kayaking and then running back inside to hop back on my computer. I heard they had fun.

These are the moments when I think— you are not a doctor or a lawyer. You could very easily NOT be doing this right now. But this is the problem with earning a living by either freelance or project work. Yes, you have control over what you can take on, but it’s also very hard to say no when your income is based directly on what you produce. When you are offered an opportunity, you don’t know when the next one will come around, so if it’s a fit, you say yes. You don’t say, “Sorry I have to bake a cake with my 8yo this week.”

It also creates a weird family dynamic when you work for yourself at home instead of working for a company. My kids know that I need to work to earn a living and support our family, but they also know that when and how much I work is my choice. Sometimes I think it would be easier to have a boss to blame. Which is why I have recently started explaining the realities of clients and contractual obligations. “No, I don’t have a boss but I still have deadlines that directly affect if I get paid.”

When I do decide to take a break and relax outside with everyone, Mazzy and Harlow immediately get into a fight that requires my attention. Does this happen when I’m inside working and everyone just ignores it? Or do they break out their special moments of sibling rivalry just for me? It’s like they know mom is craving family time but they can’t possibly allow it to happen peacefully on my terms.

Mazzy is leaving for sleepaway camp on Sunday so the Target trip takes priority over the cake. We need to get her what I call “proper pajamas,” one more bathing suit, a soap case, lip balm and insect repellant. I had “windbreaker” on that list, because it was on the checklist supplied by the camp, but then she said, “In what world will I ever wear a windbreaker???” So I crossed it off. Cut to the camp taking them to some kind of simulated tornado activity where windbreakers are required and Mazzy has to sit the whole thing out. Let’s hope that doesn’t happen.

I told Harlow about the importance of the Target trip (“we can make so many cakes after Mazzy goes to sleepaway camp!”) and she said, “FINE. SO I WILL JUST DO NOTHING TODAY.” Harlow is getting exceptionally good at guilt tripping. I told her this and then she said, “Great. Now you are making me feel guilty for making you feel guilty!” To which I responded, “And now you are making me feel guilty for making you feel guilty for making me feel guilty!” It was like one of those conversations where you debate who loves each other more, except instead of the exchange making everyone feel good, it makes everyone feel terrible.

Then I got mad at Mike because he said he was in charge of Mazzy’s toiletries but was sticking everything in ziplock bags instead of a proper toiletry bag. “I’ll just do it!!!” I grumbled. That’s when I noticed Mazzy has been continually going in and out of her camp duffel for clothes all week. So I had to go over everything again (10 t-shirts, 5 pairs of shorts— why does everyone think shorts get less dirty than t-shirts?) and wash a bunch of stuff she had worn and put back that was clearly dirty. I asked Mazzy not to touch the stuff in the suitcase anymore and she said, “That’s all the clothes I have!” Oh really? Then I guess I can give away all the clothes currently overstuffing your dresser and lying on the floor of your closet?

I need to purge the whole house this summer.

Right after I go to Target, get all my work done and bake a cake.

___

Okay, I went to Target. In addition to crossing off everything on Mazzy’s camp list (phew!), I also bought the game Say Anything. For anyone who doesn’t know this game, it’s my family’s favorite. We actually have another copy in the city, but I love it so much, I wanted one for the house too. In the game, “the judge” reads a prompt and everyone else has to fill out the answer they think the judge will pick. For instance, once I was the judge and read, “If I had one wish it would be ________.” Mike put “my husband to do nice things for me all the time,” Harlow put “my kids not to fight,” and Mazzy put “black framed windows.” Mazzy won.

After dinner, we all played together with my stepbrother and his kids and had a great time. I guess the lesson is, if you are going to miss the day due to work, make sure to make the most of family time at night. One of the prompts that Harlow got when she was the judge was, “Weekends are made for _______.” I wrote “baking” thinking Harlow would jump at that answer and it would tell her I haven’t forgotten about her request. Our time was coming soon.

She didn’t pick it. She went with Mazzy’s answer, which said “playing with a real live panda.”

Does this mean I’m off the hook?

Tell me about your work status this summer. Are you working from home? Going to an office? Do you work for yourself? How do you balance your work responsibilities while still taking advantage of the summer with your kids?

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