One thing that I have noticed in the last few years, as the kids are making more and more of their own decisions as to how to spend their time, is that they are choosing to spend at a lot of time at home, with just the four of us. I’ve always been someone who loves going out, doing things and being around people, so it’s interesting to see my kids choose moments of solitude, safety, and decompression over friends, fun and new adventures. As with everything, I tend to worry about what this means as opposed to fully reveling in the large amount of family time. (Which I do love, by the way, don’t get me wrong!)
I wonder if all this time at home might be a result of how much time we spent together during the pandemic? Or are they fighting back against overscheduling and too many playdates in their younger years? Is it because kids today have all their social needs met with their devices? Is it because parents today are home more than when we were kids (I was a Gen X latchkey kid myself) so it’s creating a very different environment than walking into an empty house? Are Mike and I just such awesome parents that they love to be around us? Or is this part of a larger cultural shift and not just specific to my children?
I’d love to hear about your experience in the comments below!
My kids don’t really enjoying going out, idk if this is a Covid thing or not. They just got really comfortable with being in their house with their stuff. They have found ways to connect with their friends without leaving (social media, discord, online gaming) I will find my 16yr old on the phone with friends just “hanging” out. It’s also giving “never gonna move out” vibes but I’ll cross that bridge when I get there
I remember being out all the time with my friends. After school and on weekends. But that was the only way to see and interact with them. Sure I was on the phone, but it was a house phone shared by all. So there was a limit to my time to use it.
I definitely think technology like tablets and FaceTime have changed the way kids interact. If my youngest can’t physically hang out with her friends, they FaceTime to play dolls or Roblox. My oldest will gladly sit on the couch on FaceTime playing Fortnite or Roblox with her friends. They enjoy being out and doing stuff, which with sports and activities they have a lot to do, but they’re also just as happy being home.
I also think that our relationship with our kids is very different from how we were raised and how we interacted with our parents. My parents didn’t look for concerts to take me to with them. They didn’t find fun restaurants they knew I’d enjoy going to. They didn’t plan things so we could hang out together. And they certainly didn’t talk about all the things with me. But as a parent, I do all that stuff with my kids. We have fun together.
I have noticed this, too! It's really interesting. My girls are in high school - senior and freshman. At their ages I was ALWAYS hanging out with friends, doing stuff on weekends, etc. I was home as little as possible. My friends were my world. My husband was the same with his friends.
Our girls have friends, activities, and social lives, but don't do as much with their friends as we did. Our senior is a homebody and loves to hang out with us. Our freshman is more a typical teen and is in her room alone, on her phone a lot, decompressing after a busy day (she does sports all school year, so she is very busy), and is a little more of an introvert - but still hangs out with us, too. Their friends are similar to them. Don't get me wrong, they spend time in-person with their friends outside of school. But waaaaay less than I did.
I think the pandemic caused a big cultural shift. My girls were in 5th and 8th grade when it hit, and started middle and high school when it was raging. They didn't have the typical intro to very important, formative school years that we had. Everything I've ever read about parenting says it's totally normal for your teens to pull away and to expect it, but all the GenX parents I know are mystified that our kids aren't really doing that pulling away thing. Not judging - just surprised.
Also, I think today's teens are under SO much stress and pressure, and home is their safe place. They are always "on" at school and at activities. They're worried about doing well in school, getting into "the right college" and all that. We worried about college, but not how they do. That pressure doesn't come from home - it comes from school and peers. So no wonder they want to be home, away from it all...
We certainly do, and I think it has something to do with a healthier home environment. As a kid I tried to escape being home as much as I could. My kids on the other hand seem to want to be together constantly. It feels kind of weird compared to what I’m used to, but in the end I think it’s a positive.
My son, who is almost 19, was always more of a homebody growing up. As he has gotten older, he does go out with friends more but he's still not a big "I have to be a part of everything" type kid. When he's tired or doesn't feel like socializing, he doesn't go out and he doesn't seem to have an issue telling his friends that.
My daughter, who is 10, is a little bit more of a social butterfly. She likes to hang out with her friends on the weekends but even then, she usually only asks to have a playdate once in a while.
I was similar to both my kids growing up. I'm gen X but I was never a latchkey kid. My brother and I were fortunate enough to have our mom home. Even with that, I liked spending time by myself. In fact, I remember when I was home from college one summer my mom got irritated at me because I liked coming home after work and just chilling out. She would beg me to find someone to go out and do something instead of isolating myself so much. I'm still a big homebody. If I have my choice between going out and staying home with my husband and kids, 9 times out of 10 I choose staying home with them.
I am 43 for reference, and growing up my father worked during the day and my mom worked nights so my sister and I did a lot together whether we liked it or not. We didn't have the discretionary spending money to go out on the weekends or during the week to do fun activities that cost $. I remember our nightly dinners, family vacations and spending weekends at my cousin's house or playing with friends at the park behind our house. Our time was simple, but I think we also spent time together by default. My daughter (11) is an only child, and she thrives in her social circle. She is involved in multiple sports/activities and if she has the chance to go over a friend's house after school she jumps at the chance. I can tell when she gets overstimulated by all her activities, schoolwork, and always being connected on her phone so when she wants to veg out on the couch and watch Gossip Girl with me, I give her my full attention because she needs it. I don't think the shift of wanting to be home is due to us being available to her more than my parents were. Rather it's because she needs to decompress and feel safe and loved. It's her time to fully be herself and not "on" for the sake of friends. I say, embrace this moment because it won't be there forever. Your kids probably feel safe and enriched by your moments together!
Great question! I think yes and no. I think we spent a lot of time growing up as a family, which I am thankful for, where we did little things like movie nights and days where we went to the bookstore and went home to read as a family. As an adult, I think I see them less physically some weeks because of work, etc but we see and talk to them quite a lot and still spend quite a lot of time together.
I think this might vary based on parent access. I work a regular outside the home job that has me gone from 9-5 so my kids are in before/after care programs and will be latchkey kids in middle school. Since we don't see a lot of each other during the week but they do see their friends at school and activities, wanting to spend downtime at home on the weekends or doing family stuff makes sense since that's our largest bit of time together. I have friends who work from home and their kids want to spend more time away from home, but they do have more time together generally so it's not so surprising. It also might have to do with your neighborhood - we don't have a lot of kids in the immediate area like I did growing up so playdates have to be planned in advance with parent involvement and there's virtually no knocking on doors to see if someone wants to come out and play anymore.
Honestly, I think my kids are more in tune with their individual needs and not afraid to express it. My 14 year old is great at choosing his activities and turning down things he might enjoy because he values having quiet time and time to recharge. My 10 year old will turn down something he knows he would enjoy because he's tired and wants to rest. I love knowing that they know they can express these things to us without being pressured to do something that they know isn't right for them in the moment. Overall, I think it's a shift toward better mental health, something no one worried about when I was a kid.
I live abroad and find that family time is much more of a normal part of life here too than how it was when I was younger in the U.S., so that eases my anxiety a little bit - most kids (and adults) are pretty decent here. Of course, I still freak out about it, because I'm a mom lol.
my daughter is almost 10, only child and likes to be alone. maybe from covid or maybe just who she is. She does go to an after school program and socializes there, but otherwise doesn't ask to have playdates and will go to birthday parties when invited. she likes hanging out with us for now and ill take it.
I do think it is a combination of parents being accessible to their kids, having a firmer foundation as a family unit, cultural shift, and just being awesome. Idk I do overthink it some because I overthink it all but I also truly believe that it shows that your kids understand balance and know what they want and like. A lot of the socializing in teen/young adult years comes from a need to “find” ourselves, maybe your kids just already feel comfortable and safe with who they are.
I have similar concerns, especially for my 15 year old son who is extroverted and makes friends easily but also has ADHD and can be impulsive so he sometimes has trouble keeping friends. He definitely plays video games with friends more than going out, although he does enjoy playing sports with friends. He rarely asks to go out at night. Things were sooo different for me at that age.
My 12 year old daughter gets invited to more activities and sleepovers but is an introvert and into art, so she loves being home too. I do think the pandemic and being able to socialize via phones or online games has changed things. They seem to enjoy most family outings, but sometimes they moan and groan so I know it’s not us being super special parents.
My kids are younger at 7 and nearly 5, but with my 7 year old daughter, she is very sociable in school, goes to dance and is happy to socialise in formal situations, but is just not keen on 'playdates' and having friends round to the house or going to their houses. She very much sees her time at home as time with family and separates home and school life quite distinctly even with very strong friendships.
I think there is also an element of work not necessarily being a 9-5. I sometimes wonder if routines are a little bit different week to week, so the 4 of us being together can be a bit of a novelty rather than days of all parents home at 5.30 on the dot and home all weekend.
My kids are home more than we were. We played by ourselves with other kids. My kids watch sports, or on their devices at home. They only go out when friends are available
My kids like a combination of seeing friends but my older (12yo) girl definitely has more confidence to turn down invitations if she's feeling like she wants some down time than I did. She doesn't seem to suffer from FOMO yet and I do think partly that's due to still feeling connected via her phone. My kids really enjoy family movie night at ther weekend and I am hoping it means as the teen years arrive there's still a route in to feeling connected to them. I do agree lighter nights in the summer result in us seeing her less in the evenings as she's out with friends at the park so I'm making the most of dark winter nights for now.
Very similar experience here. My kids are 16, 12 and 8. We try and provide that environment for them and they seem to really enjoy it. I have the same questions, really!
My boys are 16 and 12, and yes, they love nothing more than being at home. I have had the same concerns, especially for my older son. I had so much more fun being out with my friends at his age. But they are both happy and stay connected to friends virtually, so I think times have just changed.
Mmmm, I have 12 year old boy/girl twins. One of them is definitely home more, goes out less. The other is the opposite. She's at dance 5+ days a week and when she's not at school/dance she wants friends over or to go out.
My oldest has started wanting to just hang out in her room talking to friends, but she is adjusting to the middle school workload and being in the school play and just needs more time to decompress. She does love family travel, outings and activities though. My youngest loves being with people and if it's too cold to play outside then she wants someone doing something with her. We still hang out a lot with my parents and travel and gather with extended family often so I hope my kids always want to spend time and travel with us.
My 3 kids (17, 12 and 10) all prefer to stay home and spend time doing family activities. It's so different from when I was growing up in the 80s/90s when I was overscheduled because you've gotta stay busy to stay out of trouble, right?! We've had them in tons of activities, school clubs and sports and have really had to take a step back over the last 2 years when they all have let us know it was having a negative impact on their mental health. My kids are also extroverts but they prefer to get out of the house and have fun with our family of 5 rather than bringing friends along. I love the time with them since it flies by so fast though.
We live in a very walkable/bike-able neighborhood. My kids - 10, 14, and 15, would be gone all day, and often are in the summer, if possible. They are gone more than I was growing up in Kentucky. Their independence is both a blessing and a curse b/c I would like to do more as a family.
Hasn't been a thing in my family (my 4 sons are now 17, 20, 23 & 26) - & the trend toward more family time kinda mystifies me &, occasionally, makes me wonder if I'm doing/did something wrong as I see other families planning/doing lots of family activities yet, even when their kids are in their 20s!
I have a 6th grader and a kindergartener, both prefer to stay at home. During the week, they are at school, then they are at afterschool since we both work outside of home. During the weekend, both kids want to stay at home mostly, and just hang out/read/play games. I think they are exhausted from being out of home during the week, and just want to spend time at home. I think it is partly due to COVID, and partly us, the parents being exhausted as well.
I have two different kiddos - my 10 year old is an extrovert so he spends a lot more time wanting to connect with friends, while my 12 year old is an introvert and prefers to spend more time at home as a family. Growing up my family were extroverts so we were out and about doing things all the time, but I have come to learn that I am an extroverted introvert so my life now is much more centered around being together as a smaller unit at home. I am also a recovering people pleaser so I had no idea growing up I wasn't naturally as extroverted as my parents or siblings. It has made for tougher extended family vacations in recent years with grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, but I have learned to advocate for myself and my kiddos when they (& I) need more downtime on vacation with our immediate family.
My son is 13 and my daughter is 8. During the weekdays they are at school, followed by afterschool activities and then homework, dinner and bed. On the weekends they have sports, church and like your beautiful girls want to decompress at home. Mine do not have devices but are allowed limited watch time on the weekend. I believe it’s a combination of outside neighbourhood play basically gone therefore to leave the house requires some level of planning/organising beyond their own agency to just open the door and head to a friends house down the street. This coupled perhaps with being tired from the pressure of the week. Not just theirs but ours too considering how attuned children are to their primary caregivers. Thank you for the question to reflect on. I’d love to bring play back into our neighbourhood yards and streets.
our only child at home is a 7th grader and she definitely loves at home time, even if she is just in her room reading. She has so many activities, that between those and school, i think she enjoys the relaxed decompression time at home. Even when i ask her if she wants to go to the HS game that night with her friends or things like that, more often she will choose to stay home.
Not just your kid. My kids are VERY much the same. Even my super social extrovert gets crabby if she doesn't get "enough time hanging out with mom." I've also wondered "Is this weird? Does this mean I a great mom... or a bad mom?!" Our family very much loves hanging out together. I didn't always feel like my parents felt the same. Of course, it helps that my husband and I work mostly from home and have flexible hours, so that rush and bustle of 9-5 working +commutes isn't really a factor here. I like that our family is close and I've created an environment my kids enjoy. I think that can only be a benefit as they get older and face the future. So I'm putting it in the W column! (But am still constantly restating to them that they HAVE TO LEAVE EVENTUALLY! Hahaha)
We've found the same! Our middle school daughter (only child) is a complete extrovert and loves being around her friends. She comes home from musical rehearsal wound up like a top, and loves Girl Scouts, softball, and drama class. However, her absolute favorite thing is to have a relaxing at-home weekend where we play lots of board games and watch movies. My husband and I love it so much!
I feel like it's a combination. I see that with my daughter, she loves being at home, partly I think we spent so much time together during covid and the other half is we are way more involved with our kids than our parents were. We come up with activities, crafts, to-do's and experiences we never had as kids. When they are with other kids, it seems like they lack ability to come up with creative ideas to bond, maybe due to social needs met wit devices like you said. We are their safety and safe space.
I feel like it might be a combination of a bunch of those ideas! COVID really changed things, they can still talk to their friends online, and parents are home a lot more as well, I guess we parents also feel differently post-COVID! Unfortunately the results of the pandemic for my kids seems to be anxiety and social anxiety, and they don't really want to spend time with friends and have a harder time making friends now. :(
My kids don’t really enjoying going out, idk if this is a Covid thing or not. They just got really comfortable with being in their house with their stuff. They have found ways to connect with their friends without leaving (social media, discord, online gaming) I will find my 16yr old on the phone with friends just “hanging” out. It’s also giving “never gonna move out” vibes but I’ll cross that bridge when I get there
I remember being out all the time with my friends. After school and on weekends. But that was the only way to see and interact with them. Sure I was on the phone, but it was a house phone shared by all. So there was a limit to my time to use it.
I definitely think technology like tablets and FaceTime have changed the way kids interact. If my youngest can’t physically hang out with her friends, they FaceTime to play dolls or Roblox. My oldest will gladly sit on the couch on FaceTime playing Fortnite or Roblox with her friends. They enjoy being out and doing stuff, which with sports and activities they have a lot to do, but they’re also just as happy being home.
I also think that our relationship with our kids is very different from how we were raised and how we interacted with our parents. My parents didn’t look for concerts to take me to with them. They didn’t find fun restaurants they knew I’d enjoy going to. They didn’t plan things so we could hang out together. And they certainly didn’t talk about all the things with me. But as a parent, I do all that stuff with my kids. We have fun together.
I have noticed this, too! It's really interesting. My girls are in high school - senior and freshman. At their ages I was ALWAYS hanging out with friends, doing stuff on weekends, etc. I was home as little as possible. My friends were my world. My husband was the same with his friends.
Our girls have friends, activities, and social lives, but don't do as much with their friends as we did. Our senior is a homebody and loves to hang out with us. Our freshman is more a typical teen and is in her room alone, on her phone a lot, decompressing after a busy day (she does sports all school year, so she is very busy), and is a little more of an introvert - but still hangs out with us, too. Their friends are similar to them. Don't get me wrong, they spend time in-person with their friends outside of school. But waaaaay less than I did.
I think the pandemic caused a big cultural shift. My girls were in 5th and 8th grade when it hit, and started middle and high school when it was raging. They didn't have the typical intro to very important, formative school years that we had. Everything I've ever read about parenting says it's totally normal for your teens to pull away and to expect it, but all the GenX parents I know are mystified that our kids aren't really doing that pulling away thing. Not judging - just surprised.
Also, I think today's teens are under SO much stress and pressure, and home is their safe place. They are always "on" at school and at activities. They're worried about doing well in school, getting into "the right college" and all that. We worried about college, but not how they do. That pressure doesn't come from home - it comes from school and peers. So no wonder they want to be home, away from it all...
We certainly do, and I think it has something to do with a healthier home environment. As a kid I tried to escape being home as much as I could. My kids on the other hand seem to want to be together constantly. It feels kind of weird compared to what I’m used to, but in the end I think it’s a positive.
My son, who is almost 19, was always more of a homebody growing up. As he has gotten older, he does go out with friends more but he's still not a big "I have to be a part of everything" type kid. When he's tired or doesn't feel like socializing, he doesn't go out and he doesn't seem to have an issue telling his friends that.
My daughter, who is 10, is a little bit more of a social butterfly. She likes to hang out with her friends on the weekends but even then, she usually only asks to have a playdate once in a while.
I was similar to both my kids growing up. I'm gen X but I was never a latchkey kid. My brother and I were fortunate enough to have our mom home. Even with that, I liked spending time by myself. In fact, I remember when I was home from college one summer my mom got irritated at me because I liked coming home after work and just chilling out. She would beg me to find someone to go out and do something instead of isolating myself so much. I'm still a big homebody. If I have my choice between going out and staying home with my husband and kids, 9 times out of 10 I choose staying home with them.
I am 43 for reference, and growing up my father worked during the day and my mom worked nights so my sister and I did a lot together whether we liked it or not. We didn't have the discretionary spending money to go out on the weekends or during the week to do fun activities that cost $. I remember our nightly dinners, family vacations and spending weekends at my cousin's house or playing with friends at the park behind our house. Our time was simple, but I think we also spent time together by default. My daughter (11) is an only child, and she thrives in her social circle. She is involved in multiple sports/activities and if she has the chance to go over a friend's house after school she jumps at the chance. I can tell when she gets overstimulated by all her activities, schoolwork, and always being connected on her phone so when she wants to veg out on the couch and watch Gossip Girl with me, I give her my full attention because she needs it. I don't think the shift of wanting to be home is due to us being available to her more than my parents were. Rather it's because she needs to decompress and feel safe and loved. It's her time to fully be herself and not "on" for the sake of friends. I say, embrace this moment because it won't be there forever. Your kids probably feel safe and enriched by your moments together!
Great question! I think yes and no. I think we spent a lot of time growing up as a family, which I am thankful for, where we did little things like movie nights and days where we went to the bookstore and went home to read as a family. As an adult, I think I see them less physically some weeks because of work, etc but we see and talk to them quite a lot and still spend quite a lot of time together.
I think this might vary based on parent access. I work a regular outside the home job that has me gone from 9-5 so my kids are in before/after care programs and will be latchkey kids in middle school. Since we don't see a lot of each other during the week but they do see their friends at school and activities, wanting to spend downtime at home on the weekends or doing family stuff makes sense since that's our largest bit of time together. I have friends who work from home and their kids want to spend more time away from home, but they do have more time together generally so it's not so surprising. It also might have to do with your neighborhood - we don't have a lot of kids in the immediate area like I did growing up so playdates have to be planned in advance with parent involvement and there's virtually no knocking on doors to see if someone wants to come out and play anymore.
Honestly, I think my kids are more in tune with their individual needs and not afraid to express it. My 14 year old is great at choosing his activities and turning down things he might enjoy because he values having quiet time and time to recharge. My 10 year old will turn down something he knows he would enjoy because he's tired and wants to rest. I love knowing that they know they can express these things to us without being pressured to do something that they know isn't right for them in the moment. Overall, I think it's a shift toward better mental health, something no one worried about when I was a kid.
I live abroad and find that family time is much more of a normal part of life here too than how it was when I was younger in the U.S., so that eases my anxiety a little bit - most kids (and adults) are pretty decent here. Of course, I still freak out about it, because I'm a mom lol.
my daughter is almost 10, only child and likes to be alone. maybe from covid or maybe just who she is. She does go to an after school program and socializes there, but otherwise doesn't ask to have playdates and will go to birthday parties when invited. she likes hanging out with us for now and ill take it.
I do think it is a combination of parents being accessible to their kids, having a firmer foundation as a family unit, cultural shift, and just being awesome. Idk I do overthink it some because I overthink it all but I also truly believe that it shows that your kids understand balance and know what they want and like. A lot of the socializing in teen/young adult years comes from a need to “find” ourselves, maybe your kids just already feel comfortable and safe with who they are.
I just read this article recently, which your post reminded me of... https://www.thecut.com/2023/10/childhood-independence-mental-health.html
I have similar concerns, especially for my 15 year old son who is extroverted and makes friends easily but also has ADHD and can be impulsive so he sometimes has trouble keeping friends. He definitely plays video games with friends more than going out, although he does enjoy playing sports with friends. He rarely asks to go out at night. Things were sooo different for me at that age.
My 12 year old daughter gets invited to more activities and sleepovers but is an introvert and into art, so she loves being home too. I do think the pandemic and being able to socialize via phones or online games has changed things. They seem to enjoy most family outings, but sometimes they moan and groan so I know it’s not us being super special parents.
My kids are younger at 7 and nearly 5, but with my 7 year old daughter, she is very sociable in school, goes to dance and is happy to socialise in formal situations, but is just not keen on 'playdates' and having friends round to the house or going to their houses. She very much sees her time at home as time with family and separates home and school life quite distinctly even with very strong friendships.
I think there is also an element of work not necessarily being a 9-5. I sometimes wonder if routines are a little bit different week to week, so the 4 of us being together can be a bit of a novelty rather than days of all parents home at 5.30 on the dot and home all weekend.
My kids are home more than we were. We played by ourselves with other kids. My kids watch sports, or on their devices at home. They only go out when friends are available
My kids like a combination of seeing friends but my older (12yo) girl definitely has more confidence to turn down invitations if she's feeling like she wants some down time than I did. She doesn't seem to suffer from FOMO yet and I do think partly that's due to still feeling connected via her phone. My kids really enjoy family movie night at ther weekend and I am hoping it means as the teen years arrive there's still a route in to feeling connected to them. I do agree lighter nights in the summer result in us seeing her less in the evenings as she's out with friends at the park so I'm making the most of dark winter nights for now.
Very similar experience here. My kids are 16, 12 and 8. We try and provide that environment for them and they seem to really enjoy it. I have the same questions, really!
My boys are 16 and 12, and yes, they love nothing more than being at home. I have had the same concerns, especially for my older son. I had so much more fun being out with my friends at his age. But they are both happy and stay connected to friends virtually, so I think times have just changed.
Mmmm, I have 12 year old boy/girl twins. One of them is definitely home more, goes out less. The other is the opposite. She's at dance 5+ days a week and when she's not at school/dance she wants friends over or to go out.
My oldest has started wanting to just hang out in her room talking to friends, but she is adjusting to the middle school workload and being in the school play and just needs more time to decompress. She does love family travel, outings and activities though. My youngest loves being with people and if it's too cold to play outside then she wants someone doing something with her. We still hang out a lot with my parents and travel and gather with extended family often so I hope my kids always want to spend time and travel with us.
My 3 kids (17, 12 and 10) all prefer to stay home and spend time doing family activities. It's so different from when I was growing up in the 80s/90s when I was overscheduled because you've gotta stay busy to stay out of trouble, right?! We've had them in tons of activities, school clubs and sports and have really had to take a step back over the last 2 years when they all have let us know it was having a negative impact on their mental health. My kids are also extroverts but they prefer to get out of the house and have fun with our family of 5 rather than bringing friends along. I love the time with them since it flies by so fast though.
We live in a very walkable/bike-able neighborhood. My kids - 10, 14, and 15, would be gone all day, and often are in the summer, if possible. They are gone more than I was growing up in Kentucky. Their independence is both a blessing and a curse b/c I would like to do more as a family.
Hasn't been a thing in my family (my 4 sons are now 17, 20, 23 & 26) - & the trend toward more family time kinda mystifies me &, occasionally, makes me wonder if I'm doing/did something wrong as I see other families planning/doing lots of family activities yet, even when their kids are in their 20s!
I have a 6th grader and a kindergartener, both prefer to stay at home. During the week, they are at school, then they are at afterschool since we both work outside of home. During the weekend, both kids want to stay at home mostly, and just hang out/read/play games. I think they are exhausted from being out of home during the week, and just want to spend time at home. I think it is partly due to COVID, and partly us, the parents being exhausted as well.
I have two different kiddos - my 10 year old is an extrovert so he spends a lot more time wanting to connect with friends, while my 12 year old is an introvert and prefers to spend more time at home as a family. Growing up my family were extroverts so we were out and about doing things all the time, but I have come to learn that I am an extroverted introvert so my life now is much more centered around being together as a smaller unit at home. I am also a recovering people pleaser so I had no idea growing up I wasn't naturally as extroverted as my parents or siblings. It has made for tougher extended family vacations in recent years with grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, but I have learned to advocate for myself and my kiddos when they (& I) need more downtime on vacation with our immediate family.
My son is 13 and my daughter is 8. During the weekdays they are at school, followed by afterschool activities and then homework, dinner and bed. On the weekends they have sports, church and like your beautiful girls want to decompress at home. Mine do not have devices but are allowed limited watch time on the weekend. I believe it’s a combination of outside neighbourhood play basically gone therefore to leave the house requires some level of planning/organising beyond their own agency to just open the door and head to a friends house down the street. This coupled perhaps with being tired from the pressure of the week. Not just theirs but ours too considering how attuned children are to their primary caregivers. Thank you for the question to reflect on. I’d love to bring play back into our neighbourhood yards and streets.
our only child at home is a 7th grader and she definitely loves at home time, even if she is just in her room reading. She has so many activities, that between those and school, i think she enjoys the relaxed decompression time at home. Even when i ask her if she wants to go to the HS game that night with her friends or things like that, more often she will choose to stay home.
Not just your kid. My kids are VERY much the same. Even my super social extrovert gets crabby if she doesn't get "enough time hanging out with mom." I've also wondered "Is this weird? Does this mean I a great mom... or a bad mom?!" Our family very much loves hanging out together. I didn't always feel like my parents felt the same. Of course, it helps that my husband and I work mostly from home and have flexible hours, so that rush and bustle of 9-5 working +commutes isn't really a factor here. I like that our family is close and I've created an environment my kids enjoy. I think that can only be a benefit as they get older and face the future. So I'm putting it in the W column! (But am still constantly restating to them that they HAVE TO LEAVE EVENTUALLY! Hahaha)
We've found the same! Our middle school daughter (only child) is a complete extrovert and loves being around her friends. She comes home from musical rehearsal wound up like a top, and loves Girl Scouts, softball, and drama class. However, her absolute favorite thing is to have a relaxing at-home weekend where we play lots of board games and watch movies. My husband and I love it so much!
I feel like it's a combination. I see that with my daughter, she loves being at home, partly I think we spent so much time together during covid and the other half is we are way more involved with our kids than our parents were. We come up with activities, crafts, to-do's and experiences we never had as kids. When they are with other kids, it seems like they lack ability to come up with creative ideas to bond, maybe due to social needs met wit devices like you said. We are their safety and safe space.
I feel like it might be a combination of a bunch of those ideas! COVID really changed things, they can still talk to their friends online, and parents are home a lot more as well, I guess we parents also feel differently post-COVID! Unfortunately the results of the pandemic for my kids seems to be anxiety and social anxiety, and they don't really want to spend time with friends and have a harder time making friends now. :(