Can ChatGPT Convince Your Kids to Clean their Room?

In which I put my parenting advice up against a robot

AI is one of those things that makes me a little sick to my stomach (we’ve all seen the Terminator right???), but the way I’ve stayed relevant online for the last decade is by embracing new technology, even when it feels uncomfortable. So, I decided to set my fears about artificial intelligence destroying the human race aside, and see if perhaps I could use it to my advantage. I am not really interested in using AI to write my stories or put together my videos, but perhaps it can solve my parenting problems?

I have this series for paying subscribers of Apparently called the Big Kid Support Group in which readers can anonymously ask parenting questions and have them posed to the group so everyone can weigh in on how they would handle. In the interest of testing AI’s capabilities, I decided to take one of the more innocuous questions that has been submitted and see if ChatGPT could give this person decent advice.

I’m gonna show you the question, ChatGPT’s answer and then what I would add from my personal experience.

My daughter is 13 and naturally messy. She doesn’t know how to clean up after herself and I can’t get her to do chores without a fight. I was raised by overly strict parents who were “not fun” and don’t feel like I have the tools to be able to get along with my daughter while also holding her accountable for chores. What do others do? You and your friends seem to have such great relationships with your kids and I’m hoping to draw from your experiences while simultaneously balancing that I’m sending her off to college in five years and she needs to be prepared. Any thought on the right amount of chores and how to hold her accountable?

Here is ChatGPT’s response with no editing:

Parenting can be challenging, especially when it comes to instilling responsibilities and good habits in children. It's great that you're seeking advice on how to navigate this situation with your daughter. While every parent-child relationship is unique, here are some general suggestions that may help you encourage your daughter to take responsibility for her chores while maintaining a positive connection:

1. Communicate openly: Sit down with your daughter and have an open conversation about the importance of chores and how they contribute to the overall functioning of a household. Listen to her perspective as well and try to find common ground.

2. Set clear expectations: Clearly define what chores need to be done and establish a routine or schedule for completing them. Make sure your daughter understands what is expected of her and why it's important.

3. Involve her in decision-making: Give your daughter some autonomy by involving her in decisions about chores. Ask her for input on how tasks can be divided or if there are specific chores she prefers doing. This can help her feel a sense of ownership and responsibility.

4. Break tasks into smaller steps: Sometimes, overwhelming tasks can discourage children from taking action. Break down chores into smaller, manageable steps to make them less daunting. Provide guidance and support as she learns to organize and clean up.

5. Create a reward system: Consider implementing a reward system to motivate your daughter. This can be a point system, where she earns points for completing chores that can be redeemed for privileges or rewards. Find incentives that resonate with her, such as additional free time or special activities.

6. Lead by example: Show your daughter that you value cleanliness and organization by demonstrating it in your own actions. When children see their parents actively participating in chores, it can inspire them to do the same.

7. Give gentle reminders: It's natural for teenagers to forget or procrastinate. Instead of nagging, provide gentle reminders about her responsibilities and the agreed-upon schedule. This can help reinforce the importance of completing chores.

8. Be flexible and understanding: While it's essential to establish a routine, it's also important to be flexible and understanding. Recognize that your daughter may have other commitments or responsibilities. Find a balance that allows her to fulfill her obligations while still having time for other activities.

Remember, building good habits takes time and patience. Be consistent in your expectations, but also be willing to adapt and make adjustments along the way. By maintaining open communication, providing support, and offering incentives, you can help your daughter develop a sense of responsibility and preparedness for the future.

Now I’d like to add some advice based on my personal experience:

Mazzy and Harlow were raised the same and yet, they are different people who have totally different approaches to chores and cleanliness. Harlow is responsible, appreciates cleanliness and loves to take on adult tasks, however she is a bit of a sentimental hoarder, who has a hard time putting her stuff away where she can’t see it. Mazzy is much more comfortable being a mess, but is incredibly discerning with what she holds onto, creating an environment that is much easier to clean. So, when I ask the girls to clean their room, I feel like I am giving Harlow an insurmountable task and Mazzy an annoying one. As a result, Harlow’s reaction to being asked to clean her room is panic, while Mazzy’s reaction to being told to clean her room stems more from unwillingness or a tendency to procrastinate. I think it’s helpful to know why your child might react negatively to doing the task so you can approach accordingly.

Mazzy and Harlow’s rooms come with different limitations as well. In addition to having way too much sentimental stuff that she refuses to throw away, Harlow also has high shelves and a rod in her closet that she can’t reach. Meanwhile, Mazzy has a bed that is incredibly hard to make because it’s high up and she uses a weighted blanket. So, when I ask the girls to clean their room, I usually offer some assistance. For Harlow, I say that I’ll help her find places to put her things and for Mazzy, I say that I’ll help her make the bed. Then as we are cleaning, I usually talk to them about what we can do to make their room easier to clean. I don’t imagine I’ll be doing this forever, but I don’t mind helping as long as they are cleaning too and learning how to potentially keep a neater space in the process.

Helping Mazzy clean made me realize that a big part of Mazzy’s mess is the fact that she doesn’t have a dresser, only closet shelves, so when clothes aren’t folded neatly, it looks like a tornado hit, even though they are technically “put away.” We bought bins to separate things and disguise the mess, and I gave her a folding lesson. We also got her a lazy Susan shelf for her bathroom counter, because she wants her skincare products easily accessible and out where she can see them. She now perfectly coordinates her pink products to her pink shelf and takes great pride in their organization because she loves the way it looks.

Taking pride in the way your space looks is another big factor. I let my kids make a lot of the decisions in designing their spaces, because the more they feel ownership over their room’s design choices, the more interest they have in keeping them tidy. Mazzy took a real lead in designing her room with the IKEA bed hack, the Squishmallows and her wall decor, and as a result, seems to have naturally developed more of a desire to keep things organized. With Harlow, I’ve been trying to help her understand that she can’t have the room she wants without learning how to throw things away, so I might try to tackle that this summer while she is at camp. It’s a risk because it could make her upset, but I’m banking on her being thrilled to come home to a clean slate. We’ll see.

I think learning to be clean and tidy is a gradual process that comes with growing up, so it’s okay if it doesn’t happen all at once. I have friends whose rooms were absolute disasters when they were kids who have spotless houses now, and then I have friends who couldn’t keep a tidy house if they tried and I love them for it. Some people are just endearingly messy for life. I am not naturally a person who likes to clean but I do love a tidy room, so I just try to give us all the best tools to make straightening up as easy as possible. Sometimes that tool is my help.

If your daughter is having trouble cleaning her room, maybe first you have to ask yourself why. Does she want a clean room but doesn’t know how to keep it that way? Is she indifferent to the mess and this is more about doing something for you? Is she okay with cleaning but needs it to be on her own time table? Does she have too much stuff? Does she like things out where she can see them? Is her bed in the corner and hard to make? Are shelves high up where they aren’t easy to reach? Does she need a folding lesson? Does she need more bins? Maybe work with your daughter to give her an easier room to clean, and then tackle the problem like ChatGPT.

So, what do you think? Did ChatGPT handle this well or do you prefer the more personal perspective? Would you trust AI with other parenting questions? What would you add to help solve this problem?