Halloween in NYC was as fun as ever this year, but when it came to my kids, I planned a little poorly. Well, I planned an awesome Halloween for one kid but not the other. Which maybe is just the way it is when you have one child who is almost a teenager and another child is still very much a little kid.
We all split up this year. 2 years ago I didn't realize it was our last year trick-or-treating all together. Who knew? Last year was a parade instead of trick or treat. This year my kids' ages meant that they all wanted different things and it worked out really well. My 10yo went with 3 friends on their own. A couple of the girls have smart watches to stay in touch with parents. My 7 yo went with some friends and a couple of moms accompanied them. My neighbor and I took "the littles": my 5yo, her 4yo and 2yo, and another 5yo neighbor tagged along. My husband happily stayed home to keep our candy bowl refilled.
One thing never changes. If the kids get any Butterfinger bars, they give them to me! (Why are Butterfingers so rare these days?! They're so good!)
As I was watching your stories it occurred to me… Harlow may not like the feeling of being the little kid tagging along to big kid stuff. She probably loved it when Jack & Neve showed up, not only cause she loves them, but because they she could be the leader big kid and show them the ropes? I know my 9 year old’s whole demeanor changes when he’s around his cousins (a year younger) over the holidays. He has younger sisters, but his cousins really like him and look up to him in a way a sibling just doesn’t. It gives him a little power trip, in the most positive sense of the phrase.
I'm a bit late to this post (Halloween feels so far away now!) but all I have to say is thank God we're back to a week day Halloween next year! I think the combo of "post pandemic" return, plus a weekend day, made for a VERY loooooong day of anticipation/fun as well as just too much time out there. Looking forward to 2022 when school helps take up some of the day :)
Because we don't live in a neighborhood, we would always go to the same friend's house each year to experience actual trick or treating. The year it ended, we all didn't know it'd be the last (isn't that always how it goes?!?) Once my kiddos were in junior high they wanted to be with their friends and I just kind of let it unfold the way they've wanted it to ever since. Now they are both in high school and they went in separate directions this year too. However, six high school junior girls ended up watching "nightmare on elm street" (the original, ha!) at our house and laughed out loud most of the time...then they proceeded to scare the crap out of themselves on our "creepy" (at night anyway) quiet property. The big kid years for sure...
My kids are 9 and 12, and this year they decided to go off on their own with their individual friend groups while I hung out with the neighbors and passed out candy. We live in an amazing neighborhood on a military installation, so I had no safety worries giving them some independence. They both had an amazing time. My 12 year old daughter ended the night watching a scary movie with friends at our house, while my 9 year old son was involved in some kind of basketball candy betting ring at the park behind our house. 😂
Little Harlow reminds me so much of my daughter, especially the big (and sometimes unrealistic) expectations. This was an awesome read, as always, thanks!
I've got 2 boys 9 and 12 and our Halloween was very similar. My oldest is a social creature and my youngest is so similar to Harlow. My youngest did an inflatable costume and that slowed him down. I realized early on he couldn't keep up. We were in a small town in NC in a smallish neighborhood. So, the bigger kids 12-14 left the adults and ran fast. They left my husband, youngest and I with 4 other parents and 2 kids under 5. I was worried my youngest son would have remorse after the fact. He is slow to warm up, has big expectations and has a hard time adjusting on the go. We have worked and worked with him on finding the positive on the situation instead of focusing on what went wrong. I mentioned my concern to my husband and he was quick to steer me into a different thought pattern (I'm much like my youngest son). He said, oldest son is getting some independent time away from mom and dad with friends and mom and dad are getting special time with youngest son. I changed my mindset and tried to really embrace the extra time with my younger kiddo. It turned out to be a great year. We usually do family costumes, but sure to a hectic fall with a few family deaths, I couldn't make that happen. The kids were fine and while it was different than Before Times, it was still fun and we made memories. I'm not sure if letting even tweens run around independently in the city is an option, but kudos to you to recognizing that it's hard having kids in different age groups. A big way to go to Harlow for pushing through and having a great night!
If you want to share…how does Harlow “express her unhappiness” and how do you handle it (like how do you urge her to keep going when boots are hurting) without causing a meltdown/somehow making it worse?
I’m really just here to say “Nearly FIVE HOURS of trick or treating!” (You started around 4 and the big kids finished up around 8:45.) Holy cow. It’s a two hour window where we live.
We had the same dilemma, be it in the suburbs and not NYC. In our case, we did the family tradition FIRST (local neighborhood with our next-door neighbors and covid-bubble family) around 3:00 and then R met a few of her friends from 4:30 until 6ish when it got dark in another neighborhood. This is the first time she was trick-or-treating without an adult, but that's why we capped it when the sun went down.
I definitely recommend swapping the order if you can! Family stuff first, then friend stuff.
Just wanted to say thank you for this bit: "She has very high expectations that are incredibly specific and needs time to adjust to the reality of the situation before she can enjoy herself." I have a tricky but special daughter too, and I think you articulated something here that applies but I hadn't really realised before.
I said on your last post that I was bummed about Halloween this year because my one and only went and grew up and wasn’t home this year. I was super cranky about the day and didn’t feel much like celebrating, but my husband set up the fire pit in the front yard and I helped set up the decorations. The wind kept blowing smoke in my face and I was more cranky. Finally kids arived to get their treats, we roasted weenies over the fire and after all the trick or treaters were done, our new neighbors came over to roast marshmallows. In the end it was a lovely Halloween. Next year I’m going to get more decorations, decorate earlier, and invite the neighbors on purpose.
Reading this I can totally relate! My oldest entering into his pre-teens wanted to see and spend time with his friends, and my little one was not happy and felt some what left out. Maneuvering these new waters of them not being interested in the same things and the oldest wanting more freedom has been challenging. I love how you said that we are now "facillitators", can I say I am STRUGGLING with this new role... the controller of things in me is having a hard time finding that sweet spot where they have freedom and still have some control. Here is to them growing and us learning!
We're in Scotland and this year myb10 year old wanted to go guising with a couple of friends (just the streets round our house). That was scary enough for me bit also meant my 7 year old was left on her own. My husband took her out with another dad and the little brother of my eldest's friend but ultimately it is just another instance of my youngest feeling left behind by her sister. And me feeling lile my eldest is pulling away from us sooner than I expected 😭
I felt so bad for Harlow, but glad it all turned around for her. I have a 15 yo daughter and 11 yo son. The girl wanted to hang out with friends at our house, which I was fine with, but they flaked out on her. She ended up coming along but did not want to trick-or-treat because, you know, she's "not a kid anymore, mom." The 11 yo had issues with the whole Halloween thing. He had a hard time picking out a costume and ended up settling on The Flash at the last minute. Then that night, I think he felt it was kind of awkward going up to the knock without his sister and was over it after about an hour. We were able to convince him to go a bit longer because we wanted more candy and we're looking for certain places but he was just done. I'd venture to say that this was our last Halloween Trick-or-Treating and am a bit sad. We'll see.
We all split up this year. 2 years ago I didn't realize it was our last year trick-or-treating all together. Who knew? Last year was a parade instead of trick or treat. This year my kids' ages meant that they all wanted different things and it worked out really well. My 10yo went with 3 friends on their own. A couple of the girls have smart watches to stay in touch with parents. My 7 yo went with some friends and a couple of moms accompanied them. My neighbor and I took "the littles": my 5yo, her 4yo and 2yo, and another 5yo neighbor tagged along. My husband happily stayed home to keep our candy bowl refilled.
One thing never changes. If the kids get any Butterfinger bars, they give them to me! (Why are Butterfingers so rare these days?! They're so good!)
As I was watching your stories it occurred to me… Harlow may not like the feeling of being the little kid tagging along to big kid stuff. She probably loved it when Jack & Neve showed up, not only cause she loves them, but because they she could be the leader big kid and show them the ropes? I know my 9 year old’s whole demeanor changes when he’s around his cousins (a year younger) over the holidays. He has younger sisters, but his cousins really like him and look up to him in a way a sibling just doesn’t. It gives him a little power trip, in the most positive sense of the phrase.
I'm a bit late to this post (Halloween feels so far away now!) but all I have to say is thank God we're back to a week day Halloween next year! I think the combo of "post pandemic" return, plus a weekend day, made for a VERY loooooong day of anticipation/fun as well as just too much time out there. Looking forward to 2022 when school helps take up some of the day :)
Because we don't live in a neighborhood, we would always go to the same friend's house each year to experience actual trick or treating. The year it ended, we all didn't know it'd be the last (isn't that always how it goes?!?) Once my kiddos were in junior high they wanted to be with their friends and I just kind of let it unfold the way they've wanted it to ever since. Now they are both in high school and they went in separate directions this year too. However, six high school junior girls ended up watching "nightmare on elm street" (the original, ha!) at our house and laughed out loud most of the time...then they proceeded to scare the crap out of themselves on our "creepy" (at night anyway) quiet property. The big kid years for sure...
My kids are 9 and 12, and this year they decided to go off on their own with their individual friend groups while I hung out with the neighbors and passed out candy. We live in an amazing neighborhood on a military installation, so I had no safety worries giving them some independence. They both had an amazing time. My 12 year old daughter ended the night watching a scary movie with friends at our house, while my 9 year old son was involved in some kind of basketball candy betting ring at the park behind our house. 😂
Little Harlow reminds me so much of my daughter, especially the big (and sometimes unrealistic) expectations. This was an awesome read, as always, thanks!
I've got 2 boys 9 and 12 and our Halloween was very similar. My oldest is a social creature and my youngest is so similar to Harlow. My youngest did an inflatable costume and that slowed him down. I realized early on he couldn't keep up. We were in a small town in NC in a smallish neighborhood. So, the bigger kids 12-14 left the adults and ran fast. They left my husband, youngest and I with 4 other parents and 2 kids under 5. I was worried my youngest son would have remorse after the fact. He is slow to warm up, has big expectations and has a hard time adjusting on the go. We have worked and worked with him on finding the positive on the situation instead of focusing on what went wrong. I mentioned my concern to my husband and he was quick to steer me into a different thought pattern (I'm much like my youngest son). He said, oldest son is getting some independent time away from mom and dad with friends and mom and dad are getting special time with youngest son. I changed my mindset and tried to really embrace the extra time with my younger kiddo. It turned out to be a great year. We usually do family costumes, but sure to a hectic fall with a few family deaths, I couldn't make that happen. The kids were fine and while it was different than Before Times, it was still fun and we made memories. I'm not sure if letting even tweens run around independently in the city is an option, but kudos to you to recognizing that it's hard having kids in different age groups. A big way to go to Harlow for pushing through and having a great night!
If you want to share…how does Harlow “express her unhappiness” and how do you handle it (like how do you urge her to keep going when boots are hurting) without causing a meltdown/somehow making it worse?
I thoroughly enjoyed your honest assessment and the respect you have for letting them be who they are.
Watching kids become is way healthier than trying to fit them into a mold. Bravo!!!
I’m really just here to say “Nearly FIVE HOURS of trick or treating!” (You started around 4 and the big kids finished up around 8:45.) Holy cow. It’s a two hour window where we live.
We had the same dilemma, be it in the suburbs and not NYC. In our case, we did the family tradition FIRST (local neighborhood with our next-door neighbors and covid-bubble family) around 3:00 and then R met a few of her friends from 4:30 until 6ish when it got dark in another neighborhood. This is the first time she was trick-or-treating without an adult, but that's why we capped it when the sun went down.
I definitely recommend swapping the order if you can! Family stuff first, then friend stuff.
Just wanted to say thank you for this bit: "She has very high expectations that are incredibly specific and needs time to adjust to the reality of the situation before she can enjoy herself." I have a tricky but special daughter too, and I think you articulated something here that applies but I hadn't really realised before.
I said on your last post that I was bummed about Halloween this year because my one and only went and grew up and wasn’t home this year. I was super cranky about the day and didn’t feel much like celebrating, but my husband set up the fire pit in the front yard and I helped set up the decorations. The wind kept blowing smoke in my face and I was more cranky. Finally kids arived to get their treats, we roasted weenies over the fire and after all the trick or treaters were done, our new neighbors came over to roast marshmallows. In the end it was a lovely Halloween. Next year I’m going to get more decorations, decorate earlier, and invite the neighbors on purpose.
Reading this I can totally relate! My oldest entering into his pre-teens wanted to see and spend time with his friends, and my little one was not happy and felt some what left out. Maneuvering these new waters of them not being interested in the same things and the oldest wanting more freedom has been challenging. I love how you said that we are now "facillitators", can I say I am STRUGGLING with this new role... the controller of things in me is having a hard time finding that sweet spot where they have freedom and still have some control. Here is to them growing and us learning!
We're in Scotland and this year myb10 year old wanted to go guising with a couple of friends (just the streets round our house). That was scary enough for me bit also meant my 7 year old was left on her own. My husband took her out with another dad and the little brother of my eldest's friend but ultimately it is just another instance of my youngest feeling left behind by her sister. And me feeling lile my eldest is pulling away from us sooner than I expected 😭
I felt so bad for Harlow, but glad it all turned around for her. I have a 15 yo daughter and 11 yo son. The girl wanted to hang out with friends at our house, which I was fine with, but they flaked out on her. She ended up coming along but did not want to trick-or-treat because, you know, she's "not a kid anymore, mom." The 11 yo had issues with the whole Halloween thing. He had a hard time picking out a costume and ended up settling on The Flash at the last minute. Then that night, I think he felt it was kind of awkward going up to the knock without his sister and was over it after about an hour. We were able to convince him to go a bit longer because we wanted more candy and we're looking for certain places but he was just done. I'd venture to say that this was our last Halloween Trick-or-Treating and am a bit sad. We'll see.