Some Thoughts

"It's really a wonder that I haven't dropped all my ideals, because they seem so absurd and impossible to carry out. Yet I keep them, because in spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart. I simply can't build my hopes on a foundation of confusion, misery, and death. I see the world gradually being turned into a wilderness. I hear the approaching thunder, I can feel the suffering of millions and yet, if I look up into the heavens, I think that it will all come out right one of these days, that this cruelty will end, and that peace and tranquility will return again." - Anne Frank

Every year on Yom Kippur, I share the passage above from Anne Frank, which appears in the children’s service prayer book at our temple. This week, an Iranian follower sent it back to me. She said she screenshots it every year from my story. I have been trying to figure out what to say and how to proceed all week. Feeling a responsibility to bear witness to the horrors on all sides as well as a need to stand with my Jewish community, noting that while most of us are united in our condemnation of Hamas, we have differing opinions about the actions of the Israeli government. For the record, most Jewish people I know are heartbroken by the deaths of everyone involved, both Israeli and Palestinian.

I have nothing new to tell you in that matter. I stand by my previous post, and according to my mother (whose opinion I respect deeply), she doesn’t think I need to say anything else. But I want to better explain what is happening in my direct messages right now, and why I am having such a hard time even opening Instagram, because I think it is happening to a lot of content creators, particularly Jewish American content creators with a large diverse audience. And yes, I know, none of this compares to the actual violence people in the region are experiencing.

Right now, I am being inundated with messages urging me to speak out more definitively; trying to make the case that one side is acting with more inhumanity than the other. With those messages come videos, articles, and memes to prove their case. There are personal stories and photos of victims too. Families begging for someone to care about the lives of their children held hostage or in the path of military attack. I have watched and listened and read so many different narratives of history, it has become impossible for me to tell what is closer to the truth and what is not. Perhaps it is because I know too much about how social media works and how easily people can be influenced, that I have begun to question everything. I find myself noticing all the cracks. I think that is why so many people have focused on whether or not babies were beheaded. It’s easier to try to solve a conspiracy than sit with the actual horrors and complexities for which you have no answers or excuses.

To be clear, I consider myself informed and understand quite a bit about the conflict, but that information hasn’t provided the kind of clarity that I think people are looking for when they ask me for my opinion or to explain what is happening. I have also heard numerous statements that conflict on facts alone, and there is no way for me to know what is true. I can’t even decipher between what is public opinion and what is my interpretation of public opinion based on my personal algorithm.

A core part of my identity is self-doubt. That’s who I have always been online, even in the world of parenting. I can’t tell you how many times I have crossed out “parenting expert” when someone puts that in my bio, even though I literally wrote a book about it. I am someone who questions things, I allow room for nuance, I listen to alternative points of view, and I am suspicious of people who speak in absolutes. Unfortunately this open mindedness means I can be easily manipulated too. It’s why I am so bad at arguing in real life, because I am always willing to listen and then the other person can always make me see their side. And then I walk away and I’m like, but wait a second. What about this and this and this? I have gone in so many circles in the past week as I take in more and more information. I have been quiet not because I am afraid of losing followers. It is because I do not want to add to the confusion. I do not want to spread misinformation. And I am genuinely conflicted.

Also, please keep in mind that my family exists in the real world as well, in a very populated city, and I must do what I think best to protect them. I have put myself out there publicly as a Jewish person and want to continue to do so without controversy. I believe this to be important.

One thing I have been telling my Jewish friends and family, in hopes that it brings them some degree of comfort, is that I have been sharing my Jewish traditions to a diverse global audience for over 13 years. In all those years, I have received nothing but positive feedback. If that is because my audience is unique, than I am truly very very lucky. But I choose to believe that my audience is indicative of a larger truth. That most people are good at heart and want peace between us instead of at the expense of someone else.

I am praying for the safety of Israeli and Palestinian people in the Middle East, and also for Jewish and Muslim people all around the world. I hope there exists a world where peace and tranquility is possible.