Does Being Over 40 Make for the Ultimate Girls Trip?

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I just got back from a five day trip to Charleston, South Carolina with three of my best friends— Jess, Pam and Emily. We’ve all been friends since college and ended up living in NYC after college was over, which was when our group really whittled down and solidified.

These were my “single in the city” friends, and since we all got married in our 30s, that was a pretty significant period of time. There were boyfriends and co-workers and tangential friend groups that wove in and out of our lives (some more noteworthy than others), but through it all, our four stayed together. Then there were the weddings, the babies, the job changes, the moves, one divorce and the death of Emily’s husband which shook us all, but we four remained tight. It’s been over 25 years since we met and we now live in three different states, but still try to have semi regular group dinners (everyone lives within driving distance from NYC), random visits (we all go to Jess’s house in Rhode Island every summer) and of course, a neverending group text exchange someone named “Da Goyles.”

It was in our “Da Goyles” text exchange that Jess suggested taking a trip together. To make it easy, she said she had already booked it and was going regardless of whether anyone came with her. Her text said, “I just booked a room at the Dewberry in Charleston in July. It’s my favorite hotel. My plan is to go shopping, eat delicious food and hit the spa. Who’s coming???”

The last time we all went away on a vacation together was around 2007, the year of the weddings. Pam got married in Jamaica, Jess got married in Rhode Island, Emily got married in Italy and I got married in Sonoma. Those trips were a BLAST. But I don’t think we ever did a trip with just the girls. For some reason, all the men went away for their bachelor parties to places like Vegas or Myrtle Beach, but all the women did bachelorette parties at home. I’m not sure if this was just the way our friend group worked, or if this was universal for women getting married in the early ‘aughts. We were all working and making similar salaries to the guys, but for some reason, it just never occurred to us to indulge ourselves that way. Once we got married, we moved to different areas so our couple/family friends splintered and we didn’t vacation all together. I think it just got complicated with all the kids and spouses.

A trip with the four of us sounded long overdue and all it took was one other person to text “I’m in” before we all agreed to go too.

We had a few factors working in our favor; all of them pandemic related. 1) For the first time in our lives, none of us have traditional 9-5 jobs that require us to be in an office. 2) With the exception of Harlow, all of our kids are in sleepaway camp so going away didn’t mean putting an extra burden on our significant others. 3) Visiting days were all canceled which probably would have led to scheduling conflicts in any other year. 4) I think the pandemic helped make us all prioritize the time for ourselves and our longstanding friendship. Or at least I know it did that for me.

I’ve thought a lot about female friendships over the last few months. Living in NYC, I’ve had a lot of friendship upheaval over the last year. Lots of good friends of mine are moving (some pretty far away) and I had one significant falling out. Add that to Harlow’s change in schools and Mazzy getting older, and I’ve been feeling a shaky sense of community. It’s made me rethink how much time I’ve always dedicated to work instead of mom meet ups and participating at school. It’s made me realize how important friendships are to my overall happiness and how much I’ve taken them for granted while I tried to balance family and work.

If you ask Jess, Pam and Emily, they will tell you that I am never the one to make the plan. I’m always invited and I always show up, but I’m not the one putting in the effort to make sure we all stay in touch. That’s something I really want to change about myself. I’m grateful to these three that they know that about me and never took it personally. It’s always easier to be a better friend when your friends are there regardless.

Anyway, we all went to Charleston (my first time on a plane in two years) and it was fabulous. I love these women so much. We ate, we drank, we shopped. We talked about our current lives and our previous lives, as only friends who have known eachother for over 25 years can do.

There is also something really special about traveling with a group of women in their 40s. We weren’t taking care of kids or trying to hook up with boys or watching what we ate or navigating high school friend drama; our only agenda was to enjoy the time we spent together.

Mission accomplished.

One thing we noticed while walking around Charleston is that it is filled with groups of women in their 20s and 30s who have traveled there for bachelorette parties. All decked out for the night, with a white veil trailing one girl in the middle of the group. It made me happy to see that younger women have a different attitude around indulging themselves than we did when we were young. Or perhaps they just have more money to play with. In any case, my advice is to soak up that time with your female friends as much as possible, before careers and spouses and kids send you all in different directions.

Those women— the ones you chose for your bridal party, will always hold an important place in your heart. Life gets busy and complicated and people will go through all sorts of personal highs and lows that you never imagined, and maybe even live through a two year global pandemic to top it all off… but when the dust settles and you look around, if you are lucky, those same women will be the ones standing next to you. Like always.

Now we need to plan our girls trip for next year. Any ideas?

Our Charleston Trip Rundown

We stayed: The Dewberry (if you want a massage, ask for Steven at the spa)

We ate: The Obstinate Daughter, The Ordinary (get the crispy oyster sliders), Post House, Frannie & The Fox

We snacked: Jeni’s Ice Cream, Callie’s Hot Little Biscuit

We drank: 5Church, Citrus Club Rooftop

We shopped: Goorin Brothers (ask them to select the perfect hat for you), Out of Hand (amazing home, clothing and flower shop next to Post House), Charleston City Market (lots of local craft and jewelry booths), Hamden (super expensive but fun to check out), Copper Penny, Mix, Reinvented (consignment shop), Charleston Artist Collective, Cornerstone Minerals (great crystal selection)

We went: Sullivan’s Island (go to the beach at sunset), Pineapple Fountain, Rainbow Row, Nathaniel Russell House, The Battery

We drove: If you can’t find an Uber or a Lyft, call Crazy Carl! (843-817-0445)

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