Actually, It Seems Like Everybody Wants This

Before I watched Nobody Wants This (which just got picked up for Season Two), I saw a lot of online chatter about how the Jewish women were depicted. I heard they were unlikeable and played into Jewish stereotypes, with lots of people in my direct messages asking me to weigh in. So when I started watching, I was looking for it, but I don’t know guys… the show was… ummm… delightful? I loved the show and liked all the characters, including and especially the Jewish women. So did my Jewish mother, who started a family text thread with my sister and me to make sure we were both watching. My sister loved it too. Neither of them brought up any issues with the portrayal of Judaism or the Jewish women. They saw it for what it was— a fun show that depicted our culture. Was the depiction accurate? Well obviously, it’s all exaggerated so it makes for good comedic television, but I think a lot of the “discourse” is chronically online bullshit from people who like to make a fuss over nothing. Or need to make a fuss for views and whatnot, because part of their business model is finding things problematic.

Does the fact that it was written by a woman who converted to Judaism for her husband (aka the shiksa of the story) remind me of the Seinfeld episode where the dentist converts to Judaism for the jokes? Yes, it does. Is that a reason to be angry? I don’t think so. It is her story. What does Jerry say again? That he isn’t offended as a Jewish person, he’s offended as a comedian. The writer is Erin Foster, who is a tall gorgeous blond glamazon type woman, so I think a lot of the scenes (like the one where every person turns to stare at her and her sister as they walk into the Bat Mitzvah slo-mo style) are probably more accurate for Erin Foster specifically and not for just any non-Jewish woman. As a short, brown haired Jewish woman from New York, the Erin Fosters of the world sometimes feel like another species entirely. And by that I don’t mean that they are Christian. I mean, they are very LA.

For reference, here is Erin and Sara Foster:

(FYI, Mike just stopped behind me to stare at my computer and ask who they were.) Kristin Bell, while also very pretty, looks much more like a normal person who happens to be kind of a black sheep, so I understand why some Jewish women are saying they relate more to her character than the Jewish women in Noah’s family. There are certainly tons of Jewish women with podcasts who have questionable morals, emotional baggage, guy issues and a good sense of humor.

If I’m offended by anything it’s that people are so freely calling Esther (Noah’s sister), Bina (Noah’s mother) and Rebecca (Noah’s ex) unlikeable. I actually don’t find them unlikeable at all. They are strong willed, ambitious, opinionated women who are fiercely protective of each other. Except for the crime of wearing an engagement ring that was not actually given to her, Rebecca is portrayed somewhat saintly. And Esther and Bina aren’t just mad that Noah is dating someone non-Jewish, they are upset that he is ditching Rebecca specifically, who is Esther’s best friend and someone they have both considered family for quite some time. Does Esther having resting bitch face? Yes. Is she a little intimidating? Absolutely. But she’s real and she’s funny and I like her. As for the mom, I think it is pretty typical for a mother to want their child to marry within their faith. Especially if she raised a son who has always dreamed of being the head of their synagogue. I would also say that if my child became involved with a person who was very public about their sex life on a podcast for their job, well, that would not be my favorite thing. And I could definitely see that negatively impacting my son’s ability to be taken seriously as the rabbi, which I would feel obligated as his mother to point out.

I suspect that people find them unlikeable for all the same reasons that people find many strong women unlikeable. Like Hillary Clinton and Amy Klobucher and Martha Stewart. Women who are demanding, unafraid of conflict and say what they want. Women who don’t aspire to be humble, as Kamala Harris recently said on the “Call Her Daddy” podcast. Wives who are just as much decision makers as their husbands. Or maybe they wield more influence in their households because their husbands are more comfortable letting them make the decisions. Is a little role reversal so bad?

I also fear that another reason these actresses are being called unlikeable is because their features aren’t quite as soft and feminine as we are used to seeing our leading ladies in Hollywood. Esther and Rebecca’s faces actually remind me of mine and the women in my family. It was really nice hearing Joanne talk about how perfect and beautiful Rebecca was, like that was a given in the story. Yes, we’ve got ScarJo and Natalie Portman in the tribe, and I know I’m not supposed to get into any Jewish stereotypes, but sometimes it’s nice to see romantic comedies with faces of Jewish women I recognize. Faces that feel a little closer to home.

Anyway, I’m really excited they picked up Nobody Wants This for a Season Two. I’m happy it resonated for people of all different backgrounds and religions. And I’m not just looking forward to where the plot takes Joanne and Noah, I can’t wait to see what happens with Esther and Sasha.

Have you watched the show? What did you think?